still crave sex with my ex HELP!!
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| Tue, 08-14-2007 - 11:53am |
Hi-
I posted on here a few weeks ago about how I was having a hard time dealing with my breakup with my son's father. We were together almost five years and we ended things last November. Every now and then, (well probably more frequent than that) I get this horrible sickness in my stomach and I crave his company and his attention and affection and our sex life.
I beat myself up about it constantly because we were not ever meant to be together. He cheated on me, and didn't know how to stay at home ( always out with the guys), just overall not marriage material. But how do I get past these cravings? I mean they are so intense at times. We have a four year old son together, so he is always going to be in my life. It will almost be a year since we broke up, and I still can't get past him. I have dated, to see if I could be compatible with other men, but every guy I have dated I just can't seem to find feelings for- so I end up leaving them.
What I need is some help and advise. And before any of you repeat what I already know- let me tell you what I struggle with.
1- I know that until I am really over my ex, I really shouldn't be dating. Becuase it's not fair for the guy, and I will not really be able to give anyone a true chance.
2- I know that I can't have a friendship with him, and I don't. We only speak about our son and we do not discuss our own personal lives.
3- I also know that professional help may be required, and I have been seeing a therapist, I take anti-depressants, and I have read so many self help books out there, I am beginning to think they are full of cr@p.
I am still in love with him, and the sad thing is-- he doesn't deserve me. I guess I have some sort of abused-woman syndrome. You know, when you can't leave the man abusing you, b/c of the attachment there is.
I hate myself that I am still in love with him, and I do know that there are good guys out there, and they will love me and treat me the way I deserve. But the sad thing is,... I don't want anyone else. I just want him. And I don't know how to get past this. What can I do to stop the ache for him. I dream about him, and I wake up so sad b/c reality sinks in and I can't control my dreams.
How can I stop loving him? How do I stop craving his touch? How do I stop dreaming about him?
It's been almost a year, and I am still in love with him, and I would probably take him back if he asked,...my family is worried b/c they think I have passed up a really great guy b/c I can't get over my ex. They think he will always control me and I will never move on. And I am thinking they are right.
I need some real good, solid advise. What am I doing wrong? Please help me....

Welcome to the board starbuckscoffeegal (can I get a Chai Tea? LOL)
Sorry anyway.....
Here's two books for you to consider (at the risk of being full of as you said crap):
How to Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard M. Halpern
How To Fall Out Of Love by Dr. Debora Phillips
One of my 'new' favorite quotes, of course in your situation disregard the last two sentences:
"My opinion — and you won't like it — is that in fact, you do not love him. You are addicted to him, obsessed with him, sure, but love is a mutual state of adoration that is grounded in deep admiration and abiding friendship and respect for each other. And you two do not have that. You speak about him the way an addict speaks about their substance, as though it is impossible to do without it. You say you can't do no contact, but you can do it. You just don't want to."
—Grrl Genius Cathryn Michon