Still have to live here, I am stressed!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Still have to live here, I am stressed!
7
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 2:35pm

I just needed to vent here, sorry if I sound like a broken record.

My fiancee recently decided not to continue our 3 year relationship. That was last Saturday. Since then I have been trying to find a place to live. I live in a college town that has tons of rentals but they don't take pets. So I finally found a place to live that will let me have my animals but I can't move in for another 2 or 3 weeks. My fiancee agreed to let me stay here for this week but then I have to get a storage unit and find somewhere to stay until I can move in.
I am feeling lost and totally stressed out! He did not give me a reason why he wants to end it, am I crazy for wanting a reason? I told him I wanted to work on the relationship and he said he didn't know what he wanted. I guess maybe if I had a reason it would make everything a little easier to accept. I know the relationship is over but I am just so confused as to why it is over.
He says he still loves me, which confuses me more. Neither one of us has cheated on the other, (he says he hasn't and I believe him). Our relationship has had it's problems but nothing so major we couldn't have worked it out.
I am rambling and not making any sense. I just needed to get some stuff out I guess. Thanks for letting me vent.

It will get easier I hope.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 11:38pm

I'm sorry for what you're going through, that must be so tough! I'm angry at your ex for you...what a jerk!!! HE should be staying with a friend or something temporarily until you can move...it's SOOOO utterly unacceptable of him to break up with you...and expect YOU to move out right away. Talk about adding insult to injury...

In any event, no, you're not crazy for wanting a reason...but you're not likely to get one, or at least not one that makes sense. HE can't even put it into words, I'm sure. But there's some combination of tangible and intangible factors (MANY of which almost certainly have more to do with HIM than they do with you) that has caused him to decide that the two of you are not right for each other. THAT is what you need to focus on...you're not right for each other. Love isn't enough...you can love someone (and vice versa) who just isn't right for you.

I've gotten reasons...and they really don't make things easier. They just cause more questions. Focus on acceptance...and on what a RUDE person he is to make things so difficult on you at such a difficult time.

Sheri

P.S. I hope he *at least* has the courtesy to pay for the storage unit!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 8:35am

aneokly...


First...you have a very interesting name!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 9:36am

I know my ex-fiancee "took me in" out of kindness. I honestly don't have anywhere to go. After this week, I am going to board my two dogs and one of my friends offered to take my cat for a week. all I can do is deal with it. It is very uncomfortable being in the same house as him. Most of my stuff is packed and I am sleeping on the couch. He is giving me my space, but I am so exhausted and stressed out that I am usually sleeping on the couch by 9:00pm. I know he probably won't give me a reason why, other than what he already has but it just makes it so hard for me not knowing the REAL reason why. I guess I will choose to move on and deal with things instead of making it more difficult by trying to get an answer. Because the bottom line is-it's over.
It is better to know now then 2 or 3 years down the road after marriage. I know he still has feelings for me and that we are trying to end things the best way we can. I just want it to be over so I can have my own bed, and my own things around me. I have my animals that have nothing but unconditional love for me.
Thank you for your input, everything you said is helping me deal with this.

*I received the nickname Annie Oakley when I was little, my mom called me Annie and everybody just started calling me Oakley. I do actually enjoy shooting guns but I am not anywhere near the "caliber" that the real Annie Oakley was. :)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 1:04pm

Sorry, I'm confused by something you and PG said...he "took you in"? So, you weren't living together before the breakup?

If that's the case, then I take back what I said, but if you WERE living together, then he's treating you VERY shabbily, IMO. HE should be sleeping on the couch, not you! He's the one who broke up with you...he's already caused you a whole bunch of pain by doing so, so for him to not work to make the transition as (relatively) painless for you as possible (including him staying with friends during the transition time) is just mean and selfish.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 1:15pm
Sorry to confuse you. We have been living together for the past three years. I made the comment "taking me in" because I had asked him for some time and he didn't want to give me any time at the house. I finally got him to let me stay there this week so I didn't have to board my dogs for 2 weeks. I am still going to have to pack my stuff, get a storage unit and unpack my stuff, then find a trailer or many pickups to load up the stuff from the storage unit to take over to the house where I am going to live. All because he is being unreasonable. He has his parent's down the block he could stay with, he is over there every night anyway. He has ton's of friends and the pets were mine before I came into the relationship so he has no worries! He thinks he is being so gracious to me for letting me stay in the house and sleep on my couch. My boss told me that a real gentleman would give up the bed-no questions asked. So that tells you that he doesn't really give a s***. He also told me that the reason I couldn't handle the relationship being over is that I am the one being dumped for once and I don't have the satisfaction of being the "Dumper". I told him that it didn't matter if you were the dumper or the dumpee, it all sucks! Neither one is a winner. I just want it to be over, I am seeing him for his true colors and they aren't too pretty. I have good and bad moments. You can't live with somebody for 3 years and not have some sort of attachment. I still care but not enough to make myself look pathetic by trying to work on something that he doesn't want.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 1:57pm

Oh, my gosh, what a BUTTHEAD! Your boss is SO right...he's NO gentleman. Not only should he be letting you stay in the house while he stays elsewhere, he should TOTALLY be paying for things like the storage unit, boarding etc, because HIS choice to break up is what's causing you to have to incur those expenses.

I hope his outrageous behavior will help convince you that he's NOT right for you. Write all of this down...it'll help you to remember it a few months down the road when all you can remember are the good times.

Hang in there...it will be over soon.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 2:29pm
You are totally right! I thought I was going insane! It is all just so overwhelming to me right now. And I still care for this guy? His way of thinking is limited. Everybody owes him, he is the one who always has things done to HIM, so this time he is the one dumping me so it makes him a "big man". He has always had problems with my friends and family and I was limiting myself by allowing him to influence me. I just want it to be over. I can't stand this anymore. He is being decent and not trying to push me out the door, but it is only going to get worse the longer I stay here.
Thanks for your encouragment. I don't feel quite so crazy!!