Still having problems moving forward
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| Sun, 01-22-2006 - 10:58pm |
Hi All,
It has been awhile since I posted & I will post this on another board. I dated someone for almost 3 months & he broke it off in October. A classic commitment phobic who once asked me where are my walls? Well believe me I have them now & am on the edge of being cynical and jaded (trying not to be bitter). We did not have sex...so why can't I move forward!!!!
It has been over 60 days of NC. I read the books "He's just not that into you" and "The break-up Buddy". I was in therapy before him & am in it now.
I saw him the other night (ex) & we did not speak nor make eye contact. It was te hardest thing to do...going to an event where he will be & "rising above it".
Anyway, I want to be over him. I know he is not right for me. Do you have any advice? I have gone on dates & nothing. I know I am not ready to date so I am just taking a break.
I once had hopes for a relationship & now, well I just have lost all hope.

Hey girl.. I'm so sorry you've having a hard time, I've been in your place. It sucks and its frustrating and you just want to snap out of it. And no matter how many books you read or how many times people tell you "time heals all wounds" you won't get better until you're ready. Whether you had sex or not I don't think is even really a factor, I think that just shows you had true feelings for this guy.
When my ex and I broke up people suggested books, websites, thought-stopping, I tried them all but I didnt anything was helping. One day I woke up and I said "I'm not going to let a guy do this to me, I'm stronger & better than this" I even went and started volunteering at an animal shelter and you wouldn't believe how much just changing my attitude helped me. I still missed him like hell, but I wasn't going to let that bring me down.. I obviously could do better.
Just remember, you're a great girl.. you don't need a guy to make you happy, none of us do.. Find something to make *you* happy. Do something to make you feel good. Go get your nails done or go on a mini shopping spree. Some day a great guy will come along and add to your happiness, not determine it. Focus on being young & single and not over some jerk, you deserve so much better. Email me if you need anything at all and keep on posting, this board was a saving grace when my relationship came to an end.
I started crying when I read your post to me. I was so touched that you understand. I have had to pull myself up so many times & this past week seeing him just put me back to square 1. I am 40 & feel like I will never find it.
I emailed you.
This board has helped me so much. I just feel so set-back by this latest siting.
Thank you again.
Awh
I really feel for you and totally understand - I think sometimes its harder to deal with when you don't get on etc or nothing really to blame as to why you split. I'm still going through that now and I know deep down I deserved much better. I hate keep thinking about him and why things went so wrong - been 2wks since n/c. I do agree with most people on here that we have to work on ourselves and believe that we can do better.
All my friends of had enough of me going on about him - i'm also finding it difficult to move on - as i called it a day but still really care for him - strange i know
Keep me posted - chin up
x
I understand! Similar situation with me. And no sex, but it still was so, so hard when he broke it off. This was in Sept and I'm just now starting to feel like I'm moving past it. We've had zero contact.
There was a point for me when I realized that if I was going to move on, I needed to nudge myself along. I was in therapy, which was helpful, but the hard work (and progress) came from my own commitment to feel better about the situation. So every time I started to think about it, get cynical, do the "why are all my friends in relationships/married and what is wrong with me" thing, I would start a sort of verbal war against my negativity. ("You have great family and friends who love you, you're healthy..." and so on) I'm more of a pessimistic person normally, so this has been quite a challenge.
But I'm doing better now. I don't want to be someone who dwells on the disappointments in her life. It doesn't matter what happens to me--I want to have the character to make the best of it. One day a guy will come along who really sees me for who I am, and until then, I will have to consider myself lucky that I am not with someone who is not a good fit. The same for you--someone better is out there. Hang in there.