Still miss him
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Still miss him
| Thu, 04-26-2007 - 9:08am |
So it has been 1 month and 1 week. I thought I moved on completely and I still think I have moved on, but it doesnt mean Im over it. I've moved on from the relationship. I don't want the relationship or want to be with him. But today has been a bad day... Even I still have bad days. I think I miss the companionship the most. I hate being lonely. He was my best friend. I think the hardest thing Im having to deal with is downgrading the friendship. He and I talk, but not like we used to. What hurts... He is COMPLETELY over me. I feel like he has no feelings for me whatsoever. But I, on the otherhand, will always care about him deeply. It's pure torture. How can you just get rid of that? I try to joke around with him and I realize it will never be the same. We can't talk like we used to. I came to the realization that I will NEVER see him again. He is moving in two weeks and I will never see his face again. Or talk to him face to face. I think I just need to let him go completely as both a exe and a friend. I am not going to pursue the friendship or try to be his best friend again. I need to completely detach myself. How have you guys gotten over the missing you feelings? Do they ever go away? Most days Im perfectly fine and extremely happy... other days... im a complete mess. So for all you ladies who are getting over a break-up.... even for those of us who are "over it"... we all will have bad days. Stay strong and tell us what you are doing to make yourselves feel great again. Any suggestions on getting over the feelings of loneliness?

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i know exactly what you mean lindseyloo...
i've been officially broken up for almost a month now, but i keep relapsing on no contact because i miss him, the old him, because we have so many good memories, and i hope he may want to reconcile. but since he isn't contacting me, i know that's not true, and that's why i've finally been able to do a whole week worth of no contact so far.
i totally agree that i still deeply love my ex, and i'm not ashamed to admit it, despite the circumstances of our breakup. every time i miss him, i try and do "out of sight, out of mind" or think of the top 3 reasons i shouldn't take him back- broke my trust, liar, hides his emotions. but there are definitely days when it doesn't work and i'm back on that emotional rollercoaster that doesn't have any rationale.
i'm not trying to be friends with him right now because of what he did, he had an emotional affair with a coworker and is possibly pursuing a romantic relationship with her, even though i want to and he definitely said he did. i want to show him that what he did to me was unacceptable, even if he called, i would go running to him in a second. that's where i know i am not strong enough yet to say no, and i need to distance myself from him as much as possible. i know exactly how you feel. one day you are okay and happy that you are winning the daily battle of no contact, but then all of a sudden everything can do a complete 360 and you feel just awful and you are a mess.
so lately i've been...
writing in my journal daily
watching a lot of movies
reading a lot of books that i haven't had a chance to
going to gym
going to friends houses to stay over during the week for a change of enviornment
trying salsa dancing for a new hobby
reading the boards a lot
what i have a lot of trouble with is late at night or especially on the weekends, i sometimes get this fear... perhaps a panicky feeling or anxiety about being alone. i haven't really been completely alone in 5 years, so this is new to me. it's scary right now, but hopefully it will get better. any suggestions on trying to ease this feeling away?
oh lindseyloo.. i know exactly what you mean, because when that feeling of darkness just swells up from inside you, you feel this despair that you can't control and everything just wells up.
the thing that gets me is right before i met him did the same thing you did, i even had a free phase of selective dating... and now he is the one out doing that, i was completely sure that this person was the person i would never jeopardize in any way, i would always put him first if he needed me in any capacity. then he completely destroyed me. it was like we were building our lil house of dreams together and while i was decorating the bathroom he chucked a pipebomb in the lower basement and left me in the rubble to get myself out. literally, he BROKE ME! now i'm trying to GLUE myself together... the best way i know how.
in a way i hate how he left me with this emotional fallout- the uncontrollable feelings and having to find myself all over again. but you know, just because they are boys who are still figuring how to be men, they will try and deal with the feelings differently. as women, we seek help through others, like we do here on this board.
but again, every day is a battle. i get all suit up in this mental armor, ready to protect myself so i can heal, but sometimes it just doesn't work, even when i push myself to do the most mundane of tasks. it's like the me on the outside is going through all the motions of trying to move on and live, but the me on the inside is still crying over him and wondering how i'm going to keep it together.
i completely agree that we will both get used to being alone as time progresses, after all isn't it the great healer of all things, time? i'm not sure if i will be completely over it in the next few months, but i can't wait until that day comes! then i'll know i've survived something drastic and learned something along the way for the next person will NOT break my heart and value me for who i am- smart, caring, generous and pretty!
email me if it will help you... i've written so many unsent letters in my journal... you'd be amazed!
I am going through the very same thing that both of you wrote, only it's only been a week for me since the break! Worst week of my life. Honestly, no guy before my boyfriend was ever worth all the trouble, all the dedication, all the love. I always got bored with other guys too, and then when he came along, it was like he lit up my life, and ever since I've been afraid to lose him. Technically he hasn't taken his stuff out of my apartment yet or officially changed his profile to single, but I know it's coming. :( He says he doesn't want to be with me right now, after 2 years, I am heartbroken. I tried to make him agree to a "break" but I don't think its happening. I can't eat, I wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack the same feeling you guys described. My heart racing, my emotions running deep and wondering where is he? why isnt he with me? If this is just the first week, I can't imagine a month from now.
I am secretly hoping after a week or two, he will realize hes made a mistake and beg to have me as his girlfriend again and that we were meant to be. I honestly believed when he talked about the future with me, that he meant it and would never leave me. Words mean nothing after a while. But the look in his eyes when he was trying to break it off, I know he didn't want to...but everyone has been telling him to.
What do I believe in anymore? I don't want to believe that I will find the same guy again, no guys are ever the same. There are very few guys I am attracted to that also have a decent personality. I don't want to start over, I don't want to wait a year from now and then he comes back to me. I want him back right now.
Boy do I know what you guys are talking about. It's a deeply saddening feeling. There are times when I start crying not so much over the relationship, but I start wondering if there will ever be that one person. I wonder if I will ever not get bored of someone and vice versa. Whether you can really depend on one person to be faithful and committed to you for the rest of your life. I'm not sure what exactly I cry about anymore. I was watching VH1 celebrity divorces and I started crying. I know that celebrity life is tough, but these are people too. People like us who thought they were in love and got married thinking it would last.
I think about the day he told me he was falling in love and started talking about our future. I went out and got drunk infront of his friends and gave my phone number to someone else. Could I have been sabbotaging it because I don't really believe it's possible so I thought I would test his "love". Who knows. He wasn't the most perfect guy. He didn't treat me better than any one else before, in fact, I've been treated better. I guess it's just the lonely part. When you're sitting there alone and you wish you had them like you did before to fill the void. Funny thing is, before him, there wasn't a void. Then I cry about how I might have ruined a good thing, but then again it wasn't that great. I'm not sure I really LOVED him because I believe love is two ways and if he didn't give me what I needed to feel loved that it wasn't real. But I certainly miss something. The connection, the chemistry. When we hung out together it was fun & comfortable. Just clicked. Kinda like losing a good friend that you hung out with and communicated with every day. It became routine so I guess I miss that part. Not to mention, it's nice to be held and enjoy the company of someone you're attracted to.
It's hard!
Hey Lindsey,
I know how you feel, I was like that a couple of weeks ago...and still struggle with it a bit too (like tonight). By I know that now it is only an inner battle, between me and my mind...which ALWAYS works on overdrive. Like tonight, I know that he is out with his new girl..after only two months of being broken up, which hurts me and makes me angry, but I don't miss him at all or our relationship. I miss what you miss...
"I don't want the relationship or want to be with him. But today has been a bad day... Even I still have bad days. I think I miss the companionship the most. I hate being lonely."
And I think that this is what means the most. We just spent so much of our time and energy in a relationship that wasn't being met half way, and now we are left with just ourselves. We weren't ready to be out of relationship....and we still want to be in one and I think that that is what really hurts the most. But right now, and as corny as it sounds, and believe me it does, the only relationship that we need to work on now is ourselves, and become independent. Because no man should ever complete us, something that I used to think I needed to find. You need to find someone who will compliment you and add to your life, not make it.
So my advice to you is what I am doing and it helps, it's been a slow process, but it helps.
1. Don't dwell on missing him, think about what he did in the relationship that you didn't like, and think of how you deserve to be treated better
2. DON'T TALK TO HIM......the only thing that I let myself have is IM, and I think tonight my passive aggressivness drew him to block me, which I say is a victory on my part...but still....deleate him off Facebook, and Myspace and DON'T call him. I have a calendar by my computer that I cross off each day that we don't talk (going on 5 weeks)
3. Don't ask your friends about him....this is one I am having hard following but need to for my own sanity...but it's a necessity...he doesn't care, so you shouldn't either, which if you are like me goes against your nature
4. Which brings me to strengthen yourself....find out who YOU are....and what YOU want...and focus on your life. My best friend gave me great advice this week, and I am in the process of following through with it and that is not only get a hobby, but get one that you can do at home. I have been dealing with my breakup through the TV which is not good, so I am going to start to teach myself how to play the guitar, something that I have been wanting to do forever. I also got myself a second job....
The best you can to take your mind off him and convince yourself that he isn't thinking the same way about you, and that he doesn't deserve the best of you, then the better you will feel. I am not saying that it will work instantly, but over time you will feel chipper. Even this week, I had a two day streak of depression.
What hurts me...is not that he ended our relationship, because I see now that it wasn't a good one at all and I deserve better, but that he moved on from our relationship and started seeing someone a month and a half after breaking our 1 year relationship...one that he at one point thought of marrying me....and in THAT I see he is not worth it...and I think you need to make this realization too, that you are better off with out him, and you will find someone that treats you right...Good luck hun hope this helps and let me know how you are doing!
By they way if smb leaves you, they will leave you again. It's always easy to leave you the second time if they did it already. Hate to admit it!!!!!
***hugs***
Everyone has already said everything I could think of, and you already know that you're not alone but I just wanted to send you some positive thoughts, I know what you're going through right now and it sucks.
I'm trying to keep myself busy, blogging a lot, spending time with friends, doing some reflecting (not sure if that's a good thing or bad), enjoying the weather and just trying to keep reminding myself of what I want in a man and reminding myself that what I want right now, he can't give me. Doesn't always work and sometimes (like right now) it hurts like heck, but we are all going to have setbacks, so I just accept the feelings as they come and know that things will be better.
I feel the same way as all of you. My ex and I were together for almost 5 years. He was the first person I ever fell in love with. I tried cutting off contact for so long but we ended up talking again cause we missed each other. I feel so stupid too because after we broke up he wanted to be friends and I told him it was too soon but I kept talking to him anyway. I feel like I gave him everything. I was there for him when he needed me but now he doesn't want me in his life. We broke up almost a year ago and I've just finally manage to cut him off 10 months later. A little late yes I know. Its been a month and I feel like I'll never get over it even though everyone tells me I will. The worse is when I can't sleep at night and wake up early in the morning and I start crying. I just wanna be over him already. I wanna date and have fun and I don't want to think about him anymore!
I'm getting through it slowly. I've made a lot of mistakes so far but when he finally realizes what he's lost (and they all eventually do) I'll be in a better place.
So what have I learned? Never, ever talk to him after you broke up no matter what you'll only hurt yourself.
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