Still not over him

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
Still not over him
7
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 3:56am

It's been a week since my ex broke up with me. I think I am doing OK but somehow I still feel hurt and sad. When we broke up, he said that he would want to remain friends. I told him that he shouldn't do that because I would not be able to forget him that way. He still said that he would call to check on me once in a while. (This time is actually a very difficult time for me because I had to apply for universities). But he didn't even call me once since. I know he actually does me a favour of not calling. However deep down inside my heart I felt betrayed and hurt so much. I felt like he was ready to move on and me still holding on to the memories. I know that I should focus more on my studying (my parents sent me abroad to study) but sometime it's just so hard.

There's also one thing that I couldn't forget. Last year, when he was applying for university, we was not in a good time either. I wanted to have a break but we sorted that out, and also because I didn't want add up the stress for him at that time. I was supportive of him through out the year and I felt in love with him all over again. Now he was in a uni and me still not have any future. I don't know if I judge him too hard but I think he chose the "perfect" time to break up with me. There's no good time to break up but why didn't he break up with me during last summer time? (he mentioned that he was thinking our relationship over) I know that I shouldn't think about all this now because it cannot change anything. But I still miss him and want to share with him all the thing that I've done. I want to have his support, and I want to have him. I think I might go crazy if I keep thinking about this, so I will stop now.

Have a nice day (I will try to make my day nicer)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 10:06am

imlp...


First....you can't 'calculate a break-up'....THEY JUST HAPPEN...and usually, unexpectedly.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 11:47am

Sweetie, it's only been a week, of COURSE you're not over him!!!! It's going to take a while, so don't beat yourself up.

I know it's hard to feel glad he's not calling you, but no contact is absolutely crucial to your recovery. If he DOES call, let him know that being in contact with him is not good for you right now and you'll contact HIM when you're ready.

It sounds like you could really benefit from using thought-stopping so you can study, so I'll try to find that post and bring it up to the top for you...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 11:58am

Pianoguy,

I know I was being silly about having a break-up in summer instead of winter. It's just that I have so many things to focus on now that I just don't want to have this break-up. Anyway, it doesn't matter now because it was done.

You said that I should give him and mysellf at least 30 days, but what if during that time, he doesn't call me at all? Should I be the one to call him up? Sometimes when I feel quite calm, I want to call him so badly but I have to stop myself because I know that after the talk I will be depressed again. It's just so hard.

Thank you for your advice and hugs...I appreciate it greatly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 12:12pm

Northwestwanderer,

Thank you so much. I read the post about thought-stopping and I will try to do that. Actually I am going to start on my index card now.

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-15-2005 - 1:29pm

imlp...


It was your EX/BF's suggestion to continue the friendship.....so that means....THE BALL IS IN HIS COURT!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 12:52pm
I know you're in alot of pain right now and there really isn't an easy way to get through a breakup.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
Thu, 01-20-2005 - 3:09am

Hello,

Yesterday, I called my ex ( I know I shouldn't have done that but I am glad that I did anywya). He was quite cold and didn't seem like wanting to talk even as friends. I used to proud of this relationship because I found in him not only a lover but also a friend. But now I lost both of them.

After I talked with him, I suddenly realized the problems between us. Lack of understanding. During our time together, I always talked with him a lot about what happened with me, shared with him things about my family and friends. I tried to let him be a part of my life, but he didn't. He hardly told me about what was going on with him unless I asked and asked him. This year he moved to a new town to study but I din't know what his friends were like there. I didn't meet them when I came up to see him. I was part of my fault as well, I was too caught up in being with him that I didn't realize all this. Well, I did but I guess I ignored that. I might still be willing to give us another chance but I know that he would never come back. I don't care now because I am starting to like my single life now. I can do whatever I want without thinking about whether him likes it or not. I still want to have someone who loves me and cares aobut me, but I guess he is not the one.

Anyway, I deleted his number from my phone list yesterday after the 1-minute talk. And I didn't regret it. I felt like that talk put a full stop to this relationship. I will try to move on and focus on my studying.

Thank you for all the people that gave me support and advice.

Linh