still overwhelmed
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| Thu, 11-15-2007 - 7:18pm |
so, as of yesterday, i made it through one month of no contact (no e-mails, texts or calls from either of us). i suppose it's a tiny bit easier now that i don't feel compelled to call him all the time. but, it's still difficult as a whole and hurts like nothing i've ever experienced. i have no idea what's going on with him, where he is, how he is, if he's happy/safe/????? it really bugs me. even though we're not together, doesn't mean i stopped loving him or caring about him.
this all just drives me insane. when i remember that we're not together, i can't breathe. when i think about how it all ended, i get nauseated. when i remember the good times we had, i cry harder.
i know time heals all, but i feel that i've reached a plateau despite my efforts to make things better.


oh, showtime....look how much better you sound! Your thoughts are visibly clearer, your mind isnt racing a mile a minute, and your not angry anymore. You arent bargaining with yourself on ways to win him back...you arent denying that this is final (and HEALTHY).
you are, however, going through the greif faze. one thing you need to remember is that this is OKAY and TOTALLY NORMAL. you will get through this. Just know (...here come a cliche) that this is a case where there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. you werent cheated on, you werent abused, you werent lied to or belittled.
thanks for the encouragement. just gotta give it some time i guess.
part of me really wants to reach out and at the very least determine whether he's ok (the last time, he sounded really bad, despite his insistence that he was happy). the other part, steeped in pride, is