Still in pain....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Still in pain....
3
Wed, 11-03-2010 - 9:56am

Me and my ex of 6 years broke up 2 months. It was on and off.....in the later months I grew to not trust him anymore which just ruined our relationship....he wanted to take a break but I said "We should just break up, Im tired of the breaks"....I was half serious....he went along with it.....2 weeks ago he called me all week...talking about how much he loved me and stuff...that i was his first love and how he missed me and stuff....not once did he bring up getting back together...or working things out...i could feel that he was just wanting sex because I was who he was use to....I was very upset about this....I told him that we didnt need to do that because we would be going backwards and I was trying to do right....and be cellibate...I asked if he was having a hard time getting over me, he said yes....I told him "Well maybe you should try to start dating other people and try to move on...." He continued to tell me that he loved me more than i loved him and that he could see himself in a relationship right now...and he wanted to be by himself....and blah blah blah....we ended up Skyping. The next day he called on Yahoo messenger....it seemed like he was trying to force himself off the messenger but he wanted to keep talking.....we had a good convo. I was thinking "Wow he must really miss me if he had to force himself off"....the next day I had texted him a question, he didnt text back but I was use to him not responding right away so I didnt think nothing of it...the next day...he replies to the text...a normal answer...an hour later, my brother calls me "Oh so G changed his status on facebook and you cant handle it?"....Im like what are you talking about? "He changed his status to in a relationship last night"........I am so shocked....first of all how are you going to text me back and not even mention it?....second of all how are yo going to tell me you love me and all this stuff one day and in a relationship the next?!....I was so angry and hurt I wanted to kill him! I called him and cussed him out on his voicemal, text message....I felt betrayed.....I know we were broken up but I felt like he had manipulated me. He knew I was still in love with him....he sends me a message on facebook talking about "Im am sorry you are hurt by my relationship, it is you who said that you felt like you were holding me back and that I should move on and get into another relationship...when I wanted to take a break it is you who said you were tired of the breaks and said we should just break up"......No DUH I said that!....I know he was talking to someone after we broke up.....I just feel so hurt....I didnt realize he was that type of person....He even told me I was not going to find anyone better....he told me that it wasnt me to be angry and bitter and that he would rather for me to just pretend like he didnt exist and be happy....just arrogant and full of himself..I cant forget about a person I was with for 6 years!!......that was almost 2 weeks ago...I feel the same agony and pain inside everyday and night...I knew that we needed to break up because things were getting worse...but its like i wont except it.....now he has a new girlfriend to get over me....maybe I should have done the same thing....no I cant cuz I have too much baggage.....but its hard...I still have feelings for him....Im angry for that....I still feel a burden in my chest everyday....my appetite is not right, i dont want to do anything....I dont want to be feeling this way for a year!....I want to get out of this rut......but I dont know how....of course I am not talking to him anymore....I dont want to...if I see him i might run him over with a car....not really.....i put away all his gifts, ripped all his pics,....ive made new friends....i go out with friends....when i feel like it.....i just want the feelings to go away....Im just so torn.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 4:39pm

Kiss86, I don't think he intended to hurt you at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sun, 11-07-2010 - 6:24pm
This is precisely why "no contact" is imperative after a breakup. See, all that contact led your psyche to believe you were still in a relationship with him, which is why you feel so betrayed. I bet you almost feel like he cheated on you! If you'd done "no contact", you wouldn't even know what he is doing and you couldn't be hurt by it, because you'd have moved on with your life. Sure, there would still be pain, but you would have a much greater chance of healing if you weren't constantly communicating with him.

I too went through a breakup and initially thought I wanted to still be "friends". Well, I couldn't. I was never going to move on and get over this guy if I was seeing and talking to him all the time. It's been almost a year since the last time I spoke to him in any way, and there is not one ounce of pain, not even when I occasionally think about him. "Our" songs no longer hurt me when I hear them and I can even smile over some of the memories I have. The guy is a part of my history, not my present or future, which is why he can't hurt me anymore.

Good for you for maintaining "no contact". Don't look at his Facebook anymore. I know it hurts now, but it will get better with time. that's not just a Hallmark card phrase, it's really true.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Mon, 11-08-2010 - 7:20pm
I agree no contact although it's tuff I went threw a similar situaion with my ex everytime I called Jim it was a major set back I cried I was confused it was as if I didn't just go three weeks without him I would txt he responded when he wanted !! So I blocked him from calling my cell and home and
blocked him from facebook I feel good someday and somedays are hard ! But what's harder is keeping an open wound yes my ex came around with he loved me and wanted me to have his baby and all this but when I had a major problem he didn't even ask me was if I was ok so I realized things happen for a reason now I make mistakes sometimes too I txted him other day but all I can do is oneday at a time so can you!!!