Still Sad & Thinking of Him Everyday
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| Sat, 11-25-2006 - 1:06pm |
Hi Everyone,
I'm still here. I posted first in late September, seeking help after my b.f. broke up with me b/c I tend to overreact emotionally in an unjustifiable manner. This was the fourth time he broke up with me (or took a break) for the same reason over a period of 3 and 1/2 years. I totally admit that I have this problem and am actively working on it.
I am so stuck though. I am not terribly upset or sobbing about the break-up, but I do get hit with waves of sadness. I see something that reminds me of the us that used to be and I am just hit with sadness. I feel like the whole thing is my fault.
The difference btw this break-up and ones prior is that he will not respond to me if I e-mail him or call, which I hardly ever try to do at this point. I had been sending short e-mails, not mean, just reminding him of the very nice times that we shared together -- I will literally say something like - I wish we could just have the lovey-dovey stuff again - we used to talk like that, kind of like a schmoopie from Seinfeld talk. I know I am accomplishing nothing by doing this. The only e-mails he responded to were when I requested my stuff (to which he said this is what I have of yours, but I don't think we should see each other to exchange) and when I requested a song that I sang for him maybe 2 years ago that was just the sweetest song that I made up when I was leaving him a message (that he recorded on his computer). I am a very sweet, loving and wonderful girl. I am also very persistent, which in part, is why we got back together in the past. I know what I had, I wanted it back, and I got it. It looks like I've run out of opportunities to re-connect us this time around. It is so sad.
On another note, one of the things that I've always held off on doing (because we were "planning our future together" and we were not sure where, location-wise, his career would take him) was buying a house. I thought I had an agreement to purchase a house, but the sellers dropped out. Now, I am looking at houses again. This is my main distraction. I feel like I am moving myself forward by doing this. But, I fear that once I complete this goal, I will be filled with sadness again.
I belong to a great gym. I never go. My favorite place to be is on my sofa with t.v. or sleep as distractions.
I know I must give up on the getting back together. To date, I still have not boxed up his stuff and anything that would trigger a memory. I know what I have to do, but I won't do it, maybe because I feel like I am giving up then, but giving up is what I have to do, right? Uggh.
Any thoughts to snap me out of this? Is it simply a choice that I am refusing to make?

Sounds to me that you are depressed. You will have to force yourself to take care of you. That means talking yourself into going to the gym at least one a week. Exercise kicks up your endorphines and it will help. You have to care enough about yourself to take care of you.
Consider a few good books:
Mars and Venus Starting Over, John Gray
Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends, Bruce Fisher
Olive Juice...and Other Thoughts on Love, Heartbreak and Moving Forward by Eric Champnella
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – David D. Burns, MD (I HIGHLY recommend this one)
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
Carrie
I know how you feel. I'm in the process of moving out of my ex's place. He has been staying at a friends house while I do this, and as a result I have had to be the one to go through and seperate everything out. It's especially hard when I find something that holds a fond memory. In the end though, I feel better when I get back to my new place and know that there are no traces of him. I feel purged and ready to start wiht a clean slate. My clean slate.
Do this for yourself. It's hard. It's only been the last 2 weeks that I've felt like a normal functioning humanbeing, but I'm doing it one day at a time. That's the only way. Well, that and I've become an insane cleaning woman, anything to keep my mind busy.
Take up a new hobby, work out, read a book, but keep yourself busy. You said you have some personal issues that your working on? Take some time with yourself and really figure out who YOU are. I'm starting to understand that we can't really be with other people until we have a clear mental picture of oursleves and are able to say, this is me, ready or not.
The one thing everyone of my girlfriends has told me is this, learn from this and move one. I now pass that advice onto you.