Still so sad
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| Thu, 01-24-2008 - 12:13am |
I finally found a way to get my stuff back. I'm going to be in his neighbourhood this weekend with a friend of mine, so we're going to get my stuff back. I told him of these plans and he agreed to leave the stuff in his mudroom for me so I could pick it up. He wanted me to come to his place alone for a while so we could talk, but I said I felt very uncomfortable coming to his apartment and that if he wanted to see me, we should meet for coffee instead. But he wasn't too fond of the idea, so we probably won't.
He asked if we could be friends in the future and I said I didn't know. I felt so bad saying that, but I really don't. I think maybe we could, but as soon as either one of us was in a relationship with someone new, it would kill the other. He said "we don't need to worry about this for a very long time", but whereas he is convinced he won't meet a girl for 3-4 years, I plan on dating as soon as I feel ready. Of course I don't yet, but I know it won't be 3-4 years!! I really felt horrible though. He seemed so hurt by that. He is easily hurt by stuff like this. He is the most emotionally fragile man I have ever known in my life. I know I'll want to keep in touch with him, but I cannot say yet if we will be friends. All I can think now, of course, is about all the good times we spent together and I get so sad. I do miss him, and I don't want to miss him anymore. I want to be strong and show that I can live without a man and be ok, but it's hard.
I do miss the relationship probably more than I miss him. I'm scared I'll never experience it again, even though I know I will, but I'm so sad - I miss the affection, the kissing, the hand-holding, the "best friend" stuff, the good times we had together. Why can't I dwell on the bad stuff and get over it already!?! I hate waking up every morning and crying!!

WOW, this post sounds like I could have written it myself the first time my ex and I broke up!
Let me tell you....as someone who has made it safely (and happily!) to the OTHER side of a horrible breakup....what you are going through is completely normal.