Still Struggling

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Still Struggling
8
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 10:23am

Everyone says there is life after a break up but I am still strugling to get over this Ex I stay busy but during the min of down time that 10 mins of down time he is on my mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 1:56pm

I'm so sorry to hear you are hurting. Break ups can be really hard, I know not by my own experience, but by supporting a close friend of mine who couldn't get over his ex from high school. When he had things to do he was ok, but when he was alone, he was still hurting a lot. I tried to be there for him and be understanding of him, but there was only so much I could do. I'm sure it isn't the story itself that is making your friends uneasy, but them feeling helpless to make your situation better. That's how I felt.

I would say, from his experience, is to enjoy the relationships you have right now. Take the free time you now have and dedicate it to family, and friends who you probably got more distant with when you were with your ex. Put your energy into work/school, friendships, and into healing yourself.

I would definitely recommend that you stop trying to contact your ex. My friend really struggled with this, and trust me, it hurt his efforts to move on. Luckily, he found another girl who he really enjoyed spending time with, and was able to let the pain go and to let someone else in. They are still together now, and he is very happy. He's come a long way from where he was when I first met him.

You can have this too, and the key to it is focusing on yourself.

If you find yourself stuck on trying to figure out what went wrong, write down all of the things you did that you regret, and all of the things he did to hurt you. Examine each one, then burn the paper and as you watch the flames consume it, tell yourself that the past is the past, and that you are letting go of the pain and only keeping the memories, and the lessons you learned while with this person.

Take care yourself, love yourself, love those around you. Love conquers pain and any other negative feelings you may have (resentment, regret). Fill the holes with positive things, and it the burden will be lighter and lighter until one day, you will only have the memory of it.

You are in my thoughts <3

Not all who wander are lost.... Where ever I go I go with all my heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 4:01pm

Thanks for the reply I its helps sometimes to know someone else has gone threw the same things I feel sometimes I will never find that one to take my pain away even though I try and spend time with family and friends are off doing their own thing or working so support is limited . I just feel alone somedays You said you friend had a hard time not contacting his ex basically when i do call he is dry and normally i dig the conversation out of him It hurts I regret the whole relationship and out of everything I been threw in my life I wish I could erase only this part of my life which is sad because I feel everything should be a learning lesson.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 12:06am

My friend for awhile didn't want to get over his ex. Even though she cheated on him again and again, he would take her back and forgive her, and yet she ended up leaving him for one of the other guys.

At the time he couldn't let go, not even when he started focusing on college and work. It took him being with his current girlfriend for him to let the past really fade.

I think he convinced himself at the time that she was going to come back. He said something like that to me once. That even though it really hurt him, his life was close to unbearable without her.

Now, he is in love with a girl who will never hurt him, and he is happy. He too wishes he could white out that part of his past.

But it doesn't hurt that much

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 4:55pm

When I met this person we would stay up and talk for hours and talk we no all the same people so we became very close at least I thought we both decided we did not want a relationship I going threw a breakup and him I wasnt sure but

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Tue, 10-19-2010 - 10:47pm

I'm not judging you friend. I am so sorry about everything you've been through.

When people tell you he didn't deserve you, it isn't just an attempt to make you feel better. It's the truth. And not in the way that one person

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 9:05am

First of all thanks you so much for listening as I was typing tears would come to my eyes so much has taken place so many bad memories and I know I am not a perfect person in this world but I try to treat everyone with respect like they deserve and I dont mistreat people because I dont want to ever be mistreated .

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 9:11am

lashamor2@yahoo.com Keep in touch if you would like

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2010
Thu, 10-21-2010 - 9:33am
I would love to :) I am glad I could help you some, and I DO know you have the strength in you to pull through this.
<3

moonshado16@yahoo.com