still trying to get through things...
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| Tue, 05-30-2006 - 10:25am |
I'm kinda having a hard time here. I've broke up with my boyfriend, but it just never feels like it will last or that I will ever get over it!! Things were going okay a week ago, we went about 5 days without talking and that is good for us! But then, BOOM..I get an unexpected phone call from his ex...ugh! It was horrible, she called me at 4 in the morning and said that she really loves him and that they are trying to get back together, so she just wanted to know if we were done and what happened and blah blah. She said she got pregnant from him a long time ago but had an abortion. She said he really wanted to keep the baby and that he loves her. And that they have been off and on this whole time! I was freaking out. I mean I know I don't want to be with him, but if he cheated?! that's a whole different thing, I think. She also said that I am letting go of a good thing. She just kept telling me all these lies, because she wants to be with him.
Well of course since I was furiated, I called him and wanted answers. He told me that he never cheated on me and that she was probably just messing with me because she likes him. But of course, he wanted another chance with me and wanted to work stuff out, it's like, what? we just went a week and you want to give it another go? I feel so bad, it's like it will never end. There is ALWAYS something that makes us have to have contact or just always a bump in the road that prevents things from getting better. I just feel horrible that I can't feel the same way back as he does. We were just so close and lately, everything is reminding me of him! Memories keep going through my head like crazy! It's like I just miss the comfort and the things we did, cuz thats what I was just so used to doing for the past 8 months.
Well anyway, memorial day was kinda hard for me cuz I was missing my mom, she passed away a few years ago. and my ex was talking about it with me when i called him about that girl that called me. It just sucks, cuz he is like the only one that cares for me that much and knows all about that stuff- I hate it, I just want to talk with him about it, but I will feel like i am relying on him and just using him for comfort. He wants to be there for me, but i have to look at it like, I should want to be there for him too, and since i'm not sure if i want to, i can't rely on him.
I just hate not having a for sure reason as to why we broke up. Because i care about him and love him, but i just don't think its the same way as how he feels. I like a lot about him, there a few things i don't like. The main reason is that i never fell in love and i want that. I never really felt anything like that for him, it was just comfortable, it never really made me feel alive or anything, and i just want to see if maybe that could happen with someone else. along with everything he and i had, which was the closeness and intimacy and knowing everything about each other. But sometimes i feel like i will never find anyone that is as sweet as him and will love me as much as him. I just don't want to end up dating around and then wanting him back and thinking he is the one. I told him to move on and not wait around because that is not fair to him, i mean what we had was never really a good thing, i was confused all the time, and just new to all of it, it just went way to fast and fizzled in a way, i guess.
I mean they say that you just know when you have found that special someone, well shouldn't i have known then, or was it just me, and that i was making things too complicated? Things did go too fast, but i was involved too, it was like i just jumped into playing the role of a girlfriend, that i didn't even know what was going on. I am only 19. This has opened a whole new world for me, of love, of relationships, of breaking up and so on!! I just don't want to regret it, and right now, it feels like i will never get over it...although i have met a few guys, and there is one that i kinda like, and they may help me get over him a little better and make me realize how it really is to actually like a guy for real, but its too soon right now, but just throwing that out there...
Anyway, sorry I just wanted to vent and hope maybe someone has some insight on this. Or just support...
Edited 5/30/2006 10:33 am ET by precious2be

Ok, so I read your post and I think you and my ex have a lot in common.
We were together 4.5 years, he is 22 I am 21. He broke up with me 5 weeks ago because he didn't want to be in a relationship right now, just wanted to be alone, wanted to figure out what he wanted out of life, etc..
I really think the real reason is because I wanted marriage, at least in the future, but he wasn't ready and wasn't sure he ever wanted to get married, not just to me, but to anyone.
My advice to you, is to date other people, and then you will know whether or not you want to be with your ex.
I have since realized that this break up is the best thing for my ex and I, but it still hurts. I'm not ready to date other people, but I will when I am ready.
I don't know what the future holds, but I've accepted his decision and I've let him go. Maybe one day.... but you never know.
Tell your ex you don't want to be in contact with him, that you need to figure things out, and tell him to focus on himself.
Trying to get through things is the hardest time. I just broke up with my boyfriend too. He stopped paying attention to me wanting to do things with me and stopped compromising. I think I should have seen the signs coming. Its hard not to miss the comfort and support that a good man can provide. But I would rather spend my love and time with someone who will reciprocate.
You're 19 and you will meet wonderful men in your future. I dated a real jerk when I was 19 and I didn't think I would find anyone better either but I did.
I was in a relationship last year where I never fell in love with my boyfriend. We were very good friends but I just wasn't attracted to him. I eventually broke it off with him because I met someone else. I felt like I should have been more honest sooner. I always thought my feelings would change but they never did.
I don't know if this is helping but I feel its best just to let them go. He may realize what a mistake he made someday but you'll have found someone better by then. Spend time with your friends, focus on yourself and have as much fun as you. I have only met nice men when I wasn't looking. I think the confidence of not looking makes us really sexy to men.
As for this girl don't let yourself get dragged into all of their drama, its draining.