Still Trying to Move On

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Still Trying to Move On
10
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 10:59am
I had previously posted on here my situation about moving on after a break up.
Getting through the panic attacks, not sleeping or eating, crying and denial.
It has been 6 weeks since he told me he couldn't do the LDR anymore because it hurts him to see me. Then he left messages saying he did love, miss and want to see me more than anything. One week later he called to say he was seeing someone from his bank.
That was exactly 1 week ago today.
I dont feel as bad as I originally did, everyday seems a little easier but I am still having a hard time with all the unanswered questions that I have for him. Even though I know he will not have the answers/replies that I am looking for.
N/C is extremly hard for me but I have made it this week. I just know I will never hear from him again and that is what hurts the most.
He told me numerous times, what a great person I am, he knows that! He doesn't respect me enough as a friend to call?
I think I am in complete denial about him and this situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 11:23am
Aww honey! He sounds like a creep! He is rebounding already but dont worry he will get his. men always feel it later than we do but hopefully by then you will be over him because he does not sound like someone who deserves you. He disrespected you by jumping into a new situation so fast. thats just lame. I know it hurts. i am dealing with heartbreak too. but i am learning to remind myself i desevre to be wanted. i deserve someone who cant live without me and so do you my dear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 11:41am
Thank you for that!
This is what bothers me the most.
I know I am the best thing he will ever have. He knows what a great person I am and how much I have done for him and he dumped me?
Seriously, I am not an arrogant person. I just cant make sense of this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 1:23pm

I wouldn't really say it's something we need to understand, if you get my drift.

Rebounds, well, I think they're a lot like ice cream. It feels good while it lasts, but you feel the effects afterward. I'm not crushing rebounds, but I see it as more like the desperate move of someone who can't be alone.

If it's comforting, I find that it takes more strength to be single and REMAIN single while you're working through the pain than to bandage it with a string of girls. It's not fair to those girls because you can't give them the relationship they deserve.

And the fact that you are a great person is a good thing. It means that you have the capacity to be just as wonderful a girlfriend for the next lucky guy that gets you. You should remember that all the good things you do in a relationship are good things that you TAKE WITH YOU when you leave.

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 3:09pm

You are right to feel confused as it absolutely does NOT make sense. My Ex Bf said I am wonderful/smart/etc.... BUT that did not stop him from booting me out of his life. It is great that you have all those qualities and you will have so much to offer the next time to someone who will appreciate you. I know it hurts, I know it is mind boggling, and it most definitely does not make sense. It is totally his problem that for whatever reason, he can't be with you. I am experiencing the same exact thing and all I can tell you is that it does get better with time. Be good to yourself, get out there with friends, take a class..whatever gets you out there. I was only broken up a week or so and I signed up for a divorce support group social. I still cry every so often, I still can't listen to music and I still Love him but I won't be doing myself any favors to not at least try to do some things I will enjoy. I was at a Golf Club with friends and many cute guys were there and Big Deal is how I feel now... I still want HIM but he doesn't want me and one day I will go on a date and maybe it will suck but at least I'll have new experiences and maybe new friends where there is no Romance.

I met my Ex BF when I wasn't expecting it... In my case I tell myself that maybe my EX is my "Prince Charming" and in time it will come back but until then I chose to be open to Life's possibilities. I don't want to waste time pining for a guy who maybe wasn't the Real Thing and pass up the one who is out there who Is the "One".

I have to Work Really Hard to take all my own advice that I just shared with you. It is not easy but I have to go on and I am already better than I was. You will get there and everyone on this board is at some different level as far as their pain. Let those tears out when you must (I just did that for an hour!) But then keep yourself going.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2006
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 3:43pm
I understand your situation as well. Mine always told me how great I am, how the only reason I'm not married is because I'm not out there. How I'm everything a man could want or need...and yet, he chose to leave too. In some ways, I always got this feeling that he was afraid of me. Like, he really did like me and cared about me but he was intimidated or something. Guess my personal strength was too much for him to handle (heh, heh!). Not sure he really was, but it just seemed that way. I do know he has a lot of odd-ball issues to deal with that no amount of "ME" could have fixed nor overcome. He's a runner pure and simple. When things feel good to him, he sprints. I'm not the first he's done this to and I'm sure not the last. I don't believe I will ever hear from him again too but thats okay with me because I truly believe he knows he's made a mistake. That I was one of the good ones. I don't know that I'm the best he's ever had or will have, but I know I was at the top of the list. I know he knows it too. I don't miss HIM, I miss the sense of relationship. I miss the warm fuzzies in my stomach when my phone rings and its someone I am crazy about. I miss holding hands and being held. I miss feeling wanted. But I do not miss HIM. HE could not fulfill my desires and to be honest, never brought the happiness I seek. He brought me SOME of said happiness, but no where near enough. I was crying and grieving him before he even left. You are still in the early stages. Each day will get better. I cried nearly every day for at least 2 and a half months. Some weeks saw only 2 mins. of brief tears each day and many saw the snotty, drawn out body shaking cries. It was bad, to better, to worse, to better, to ok, to worse...it was a roller coaster ride. It always is and yet somehow, we always make it through. (and to be honest..just posting here on this site is great stress relief and a help...at least it is for me).
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Fri, 08-10-2007 - 7:48pm
I am ashamed to say that I have somewhat broken the N/C rule and I am very sorry for that now.
I mentioned that I googled the new GF and was almost pleased that I found out she was 21, single parent, living at home.
As I was on my way out the door to buy It's Called a Breakup because its Broken, I decided to Google her one more time.
The info I found out last time, had me convinced that he made it all up. She lived too far, etc.
Well, now I found that someone who lives 12 miles from him, closer to his age, with the same name.
I am physically sick, he has moved on and I am cyber stalking someone who doesn't think I am apparently worthy of him.
Why did I do this?
My ex also mentioned several times that he was intimidated my me and my success. I own 2 homes (one is a vacation home), etc.
I know I deserve this for snooping.
Take it easy on me, I already know I screwed up BIG TIME!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 1:13pm
I am having a very hard day. I want to call him so bad.
Or really I would like to hear from him.
This is 10 days of N/C except for googling the new GF. Why do I feel so worthless?
Why is this so hard? I think I am holding out that the new GF is not really a GF and he is going to ask me to come visit, which is stupid for me to even consider.
I wish I could wake up and this nightmare would be over.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 7:51pm

Get off the computer. Go for a run. I promise it's as good as a stiff drink with none of the regret afterwards.

the GF business is probrably hard because it's your point of no-return (even though you've actually hit that point already). She's your indication that he's NOT COMING BACK. Hope is a sick sick sick thing sometimes. Exercise to kill hope: Tell yourself...He's already dating a girl. He has a girlfriend already (It doesn't matter if it's true in real life, just assume it is).

good luck!

Susanna

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:19pm
Everything you feel is normal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 9:52pm
I feel your pain. I was feeling so good today with NC , and I slipped . I called him and texted him , no answer. So then i went a little crazy. I am so embarassed , but I feel like I should tell you all. Then I passed by house , he wasnt there . And even passed by his job , but didnt go inside I just wanted to see if I saw him around. WOW. I felt so out of control, really low. If anything it has motivated me to really do no contact. I cant do this to myself. It was a bad feeling, I felt so out of it. I never want to feel like that again.I know now that I have to start over from tomorrow and stick to no contact , and focus on me . If I ever feel tempted to call him/text, I need to just remind myself of how I felt today and all the crap he put me through. I have to move on . Good luck to you