still waitin.....still hurtin
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still waitin.....still hurtin
| Fri, 12-31-2004 - 8:10pm |
Its been 4 days & I still haven't heard from him. For those of you who didnt read my last post---> This guy I was "seeing" disappeared from my life 3 months ago with no goodbye or nothin called me out of the blue on Monday,we talked, we got together, we had sex, he said he'd call & we see each other soon......and here I sit, still waitin like a fool. It seems better durin the daytime but at night I can hardly deal. My mind goes into psycho mode & I wanna call his mama, his sister, his babys mama to try & find him. I wanna drive by just to see what I can see. And then my mind switches to fairy-tale mode & I wanna believe that he's thinkin about me & that he's missin me but he's just been busy & when he gets his life straight maybe we can be together (YEAH RIGHT!!!). But I know that is the farthest thing from the truth. He dont have a job so he cant be that damn busy, he dont have a car so he cant be that far. I really think that he moved back in with his ex. And to know that would kill me. I know that she treated him bad, she was never home before, she went out & messed around with other guys, she stayed out drunk & high. I mean she wouldnt even pick him up from work.And me, I did so much for him, held it down for him when he had nothin & nobody. I gave him a cell phone. I was sooo faithful to him & we weren't even together. I let him use my car. AARRRGGGHHHH!!!!! And I know he aint thinkin about me becuz if he was he would have called....at least once. Right??? I just wanna know what he sees in her that he dont see in me?? How could he treat me so cold after I gave myself to him so freely? I know I sound pretty pathetic but I cant help it. I have so many unanswered questions & I am sooooo angry at myself for even gettin caught up with him in the 1st place. I'm sorry to keep on & on about the sorry a**hole but I just had to get that off my chest. I hope all of you have a Happy New Year. I have no plans but I am gon try & make the best of it. If anyone is sittin home, lonely like me & u feel like tradin sob stories u can email me LilGaGurl80@hotmail.com or hit me up on MSN messenger.

Hi imsogone,
Me again. Four days is good that you haven't contacted him, but remind yourself that you can NEVER contact him again. Remind yourself he will NEVER contact you again, at least for any good purpose. Remember my drug addict analogy? You're still craving the bad stuff and only by staying away from it will you be cured. Didn't you say in your first letter that after two months of no contact you weren't missing him anymore? Why not tack up a couple of calendar pages where you can see them every day. Take a big black marker and cross off every day you make your goal of no contact. As you collect more and more big, black, X's, you'll see your progress and that's empowering. You're in the worst part of it now. My first few weeks I cried so hard I'd throw up just about every day. After four months, I still miss him and I still cry, but now I know I'm missing a man that never really existed except in my imagination. Hurts to know this, but now I can move on.
Questions:
Do you have a job? Why not request extra hours...it takes your mind off your problems for awhile and then you'll have a little extra cash to spoil yourself. If you don't have a job, think about applying for one just to keep yourself occupied.
Think about volunteering somewhere. Here's a few things I've tried in the past: assisted an English teacher in helping foreign language speakers to learn our language; helped children at the hospital to make crafts; helped out at the local food bank; taught non-English speaking children to swim; read books out loud to the blind; shelved books at the local library; ran errands for the elderly; walked dogs at the humane society...If these don't interest you, get online for volunteer sites...there's so much to chose from and you often get free interesting training as well. You meet new friends and often you may enjoy it so much you want to turn it into a full time pursuit!
Have you checked out the weekend entertainment section in your local paper? I live in a medium-sized city and here's what I've been able to do for free or very low cost: $5 Tango lessons every Friday night, free introductory scuba diving lesson, free Art museum admission every Saturday, free Zoo admission on selected days, book discussion clubs online and at bookstores and libraries, low cost admission to recreation centers and the YMCA based on income, free symphony and opera on selected days in the summer, free and low-cost admission to bands all over the city every weekend, free computer program classes, low-cost historic tours of the city, etc, etc, etc. My main problem is choosing what to do as opposed to not being able to find anything to do.
You said you had a car? Well what are you waiting for? Take a mini-road trip! (NOT past the jerk's house or any one associated with him). Drive to the mountains, the beach, a lake, a river, a park, the prairie, a new city or town, a place of artistic or historical interest. Pick up a cheap disposable camera and take some photos. Make a scrapbook of all the new things you're seeing and doing. Pack a suitcase and visit a friend or relative in another state or go on your own. Pack most of your own food and you can keep your costs down. Or if money's not a problem treat yourself to a Bed and Breakfast or a fancy restaurant.
Don't want to move from the spot you're in right now? Try these (among hundreds of thousands) websites for low-cost interesting things to do:
http://www.free-ed.net/free-ed/
http://www.vu.org/
http://www.eclecticacademy.com/
http://vlmp.museophile.com/
http://university.barnesandnoble.com/index.asp?linkid=5&cds2Pid=946
http://www.writingclasses.com/ (a bit more $, but worth it).
Just put "free online ??? classes" in any search engine for whatever interests you, you'll find more than you can imagine to keep yourself busy in a positive way.
Try this right now. Go to the website of your nearest library. Under "Search" put "videos." I did this just now and brought up 15,562 video/dvd's I can check out for FREE! During the first few weeks of a break-up, keep plenty of good movies on hand. It takes your mind off the pain and even cheers you up for awhile.
Most of all...QUIT your WAITING. Remind yourself it would be very BAD for that jerk to call you! He's a liar, a cheater on every female he uses, a bum (no car, no job)...a complete waste. And DON'T you dare call the mother of his child...she's in her own private hell, don't add to her agony.
Now, find something to do besides mope. Good luck...