Strength and Perseverence

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Strength and Perseverence
4
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 2:07pm

I am taking Sheri's advice and have made an appointment with my therapist for a "tune up" ssession(s) after breaking no contact with the ex - it was five months of NC. It was hell. It hurts. It sucks... For those reading this who dont know, ex and I had very up and down relationship lasting for better part of 2 years. We broke up about 5 times and each time it got uglier and uglier until one day he imploded and hurt me more than I ever thought possible.

I still miss him.

BUT, no contact really really really is important. This time, the ball is still in my court to call him and I'm not. I can see consequences and NO GAIN, only hurt for me. That is the only thing preventing me from calling.

If anyone is debating with themselves whether to contact or not, go with the NOT. It is hard but if that person who left wants you, he/she will make an effort to be with you. Hold on to that. And if it gets really really hard and hurtful, listen to Sheri's advice. She makes sense...

which is why im getting a "tune-up" directly after work...

wish me luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 2:57pm

Here is a funny, "No Contact" calamity that happened to me this morning, COMPLETELY TRUE!:

Last night, I broke NC with a sweet, "I love you, want you back" email. I immediately regretted it, but decided that he would probably ignore it as he has done. It has been one week of NC after the 2nd time in a month he has run out on me.

20 minutes later, I get the call...all small talk, blah blah, crap until it comes down to the "I need to get the rest of my things and give you your keys back" talk. I broke down, he said he was sorry for doing this to me (what the hell does that mean? Sorry for being selfish? Sorry for being an idiot? Sorry for what???) I hung up on him and cried myself to sleep.

THIS MORNING...

I wake up, put on "Feelin' Good" by Nina Simone and tried to think that this was my turning point day...The day of a return to NC and hopefully a happier me from this day forward. I go out to walk my dog, enjoy the sunshine, come back..BAM! I locked myself out of my apartment...and GUESS WHO is the only person who has the keys?!?!

Ugh.

So, there I was..having to call him and get the keys from him since he lives 2 BLOCKS from me (which is always a sore point). Nice. I was horrified, sad, angry at myself and felt foolish. He met me downstairs, tried to talk to me.. tried to call me after that to talk more, but I couldnt take it. Now I am back to feeling sad but stronger that I was able to walk away from him and not let him see me cry.

So much for NC...I thought I would share this somewhat funny story with you guys..God, I feel like Bridget Jones sometimes...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 3:04pm

Missyfoosy =

SEE, your story is a PRIME example of how reaching out to the one who left will cause NOTHING but pain. If he wants you, he will show you. Im sure he feels badly for hurting you, but there is NOTHING he can do to help you through this.

The best thing for you to do is quit cold turkey. BTW, my ex lived a few houses down from me too for about a year until we BOTH moved back home with a families .

Be strong and STAY away - and get more keys.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:34pm

Ugh, I'm so sorry...that which don't kill us makes us stronger, right???

I hope you've given or will be giving your spare keys to someone else?

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-04-2006 - 4:50pm

Yay, good for you!!!! I hope it helps...I know it's helped me in the past.

Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Sheri