Struggling to move on

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2002
Struggling to move on
Fri, 02-28-2014 - 11:24am

Hello everyone, 

I had been in a long distance relationship with this man for the past four years but I finally said I give up - so I broke up with him, my now ex.

The main reason why we broke up is because we live in the different countries (him, in North America, I, in Asia) and quite honestly, I feel that I grew apart from him. I felt that we were in different places in our lives. (when we first met, we lived nearby but I moved to be close to my family.) 

The last time I saw him in person is almost two years ago. 

I also grew tired as I felt that the relationship was stalling. So I decided to be the one to end our relationship.

At first, he would not accept the fact that I wanted to break up with him. He kept saying no can't do. But what can he do, I cut off all the contacts with him. Unlike an ordinary relationship, I was managing ok since we do not live in the same city, it is like out of sight, out of mind although it was still difficult. 

It's been almost six months since our break up and he still contacts me. Every time he would call/text, I used to feel bad and sad but I finally told him to erase my number and never to contact me again, because that is what I need in order to move on. Then he said, "No, I can't. Besides, you might change your mind."

That was over a month ago. Just the other day, I received a text from him saying hi and then today, I got another text from him asking him if I am ok. I have never replied to him. 

What is he trying to do here, you all think? Is he being in complete denial? At first I thought he was giving me a hard time because I hurt his ego but hoped he would eventually get the message. I love him and always will but things must really change if we were ever to get back together but right now, I do not want to be back with him. 

Should I keep ignoring him? I am not dating anyone right now and part of me wants to move on with someone new. But it is difficult when my ex still keeps on trying - whatever that reasons may be. Am I being unfair to him? 

Any suggestions, comments will be appreciated.

Thank you in advance!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 02-28-2014 - 3:21pm

I do not think you are being unfair.  A relationship that is that long distance can't progress unless one person is going to move.  If you can, block him from your phone and email so he won't be able to contact you.  Otherwise, just continue to ignore him.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sat, 03-01-2014 - 12:09pm

What would really be unfair is if you continued the relationship when you don't really want to.  You are doing the right thing.

Since he's not leaving you alone, I suggest you change your number.  I know, people always say "I can't!!", but you can.  I did, it only took me 15 minutes to text everyone I wanted to have my new number.  It was easy.  That way, this guy can't continue to contact you and you can get past the guilt you are feeling.