struggling...he's moving out
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| Sat, 03-04-2006 - 6:03pm |
Hello all, I've been reading the postings and I gotta say they help so much. I just broke things off with my BF of 4 years last week, we've been living together for 3 1/2 (moved in too quick, that's a story for another day). I finally got to the point where I couldn't feel bad about wanting marriage and a family and didn't want to resent him anymore for not wanting the same. I've struggled with this for a long time as he's one of those action speaks louder than words types, so its been very confusing when he'd do something that had implications for our future and then say something different.
I had to break off my relationship with my first love too (5 years), but I knew in my gut from the beginning that he wasn't "the one". It nearly destroyed me. This time around, my gut said yes this is it.
He's gotten a temporary apartment and came by this morning to "pick up a couple things". But instead of coming with a moving truck, he shows up in his sedan. He hadn't been able to get his act together to rent one because work has been crazy. I told him that's not my problem and I didn't want to drag this out any longer than we need to because I don't want it to get nasty. He packed a bag and was loading the car, when I had a call him back into the house to take his laptop and phone charger because he had forgotten it. Absent minded or having a hard time making the break too?? He gave me a LONG hug and was off. I haven't stopped crying since. I had been so strong before this, but now I have another week to walk around the house seeing his stuff until he gets the rest of it next weekend. I plan to start packing some of it up.
The thing is I wanted to spend my life with this man. Things haven't always been peachy, but we were on a great path to straightening them out and building a firmer foundation. I didn't want to do what I did and am stupidly clinging to the idea that once he has some time to figure things out, he'll be back. Not that I will receive him with open arms, but just that he will be back. Anyway, I'm just having a hard time thinking about that moving van showing up in a week and him being gone for good.
Thanks for listening and sharing your stories. You can't believe how much it helps.
K
P.S. His birthday is tomorrow and I don't know what to do.

i am sorry that you still feel for him, if you know he isnt the one for you then be strong, you deserve better. if after 3.5 years he doesnt want marriage and a family how would he feel after 5, 10, 15? ould you just be plodding along never getting anywhere?
to be honest i think i am *him*, although i love her to bits, i am being forced to leave my own house as i cannot afford it alone, but she can, the only sensible thing to do is for me to move out and leave her, but i so desparately want things to work out. i hate feeling jealous and resentful but i cannot help it.
How did the birthday go?
My ex broke up with me on my birthday about two years ago. Even though we were broken up, I continued to see her (she still lived in my house for about four months after that).
Then this past November, she called me on my birthday. I thought it was nice of her to call, but it wasn't. We chatted at first and she asked what I was doing for lunch. I told her I had no plans and asked if she'd take me to lunch (should have know better because she'd never offered or paid for one single meal the four years we were together). She said she didn't think that was a good idea...the talk went further down hill from there. She ended up telling me that she didn't think we should have any contact at all anymore.....thanks for F#@$()*ing up two birthdays in a row!
hi h2ogirl206
it seem to me that both OF you of are good person..the way you bring thing out here explain it!!! he even give you a goodbye hug...isnt that sooo sweet! YOU GUYS BROKE UP COZ OF MARRIAGE THING!!! I MEAN I RATHER BE WITH THE GUY GIVING ME EVERYTHING/LOVE EVEN THERE NO PAPER(MARRIAGE)...THAN GETTING MARRIED AND ONE THING YOU KNOW HIS NOT FAITHFUL AT ALL AND LATER END UP TO A BIG "D"...I AGREED WITH HIM ABOUT "action speaks louder than words"...
BELIEVED OR NOT I'M A TYPE OF PERSON DONT SAY ILOVEYOU WORD TO MY BF...I MEAN ITS WEIRD I RATHER SHOW IT THAT SAYING IT...LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE COMPLETELY COZ OF MARRIAGE THING "OR" BE WITH HIM THE REST OF YOURLIFE EVEN WITHOUT THE PAPER?....FOR MY OWN OPINION GIRL YOUR DOING THE WRONG THING....YOU SEEMS HAPPY WITH THIS GUY AND THE WAY HE HUGS YOU....THERE SOMETHING ON THAT!!! HE LOVE YOU!!!
YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS...DONT LET YOUR RELATIONSHIP COMPLETELY OVER COZ OF NOT BEING MARRIED TO HIM.....THIS IS SAD.....OH WELL WHAT CAN I DO. ANYWAYSSS GOOD LUCK!!!!
Girl, I know how that goes. I just broke off my 4 year relationship in October (also lived together for 3 1/2 years). However, I'm in reverse shoes where I just didn't want marriage, children and the whole picket fence shabang. My ex and I are still very good friends now, albeit we are still coping with the breakup.
The thing is, if he is vocal about not wanting the same future as yours, no matter what his actions may imply, it doesn't matter. Reading between the lines isn't reliable and you shouldn't bank your heart or your future on what you may think he may mean by what he may be doing. There are too many "may's", which leaves yourself open to disappointment and failed expectations.
After our breakup, he was still in the apartment for another month so it was very difficult for us. What you have to remember is, deep down inside, you know you made the right decision. Yes, it feels incredibly sh*tty now, but it will get better, it will eventually pass (that's what a friend had said to me, and thats what got me through the breakup. Looking forward to the day when I'm healed). It's ok to cry, to scream, to go running until you feel like your lungs are going to burst, whatever. Get it all out, and you have to move on. It's your future you are talking about here.
*hug*
-Enkie
Hi all-
Thanks for your posts. They have been incredibly helpful through this awful time.
Birthday went surprisingly okay. I called and left a message on his cell and he called me back. It was a nice talk, he seemed to need to fill me in on where he'd been, what he'd been up to, and where he's moved to. He was thankful I had called. It gave me hope that we may one day be able to have a friendship out of this.
Our relationship had been pretty confusing for a while, actions not meeting up with his words. For a while I hung on because I knew he felt like he "failed" his first marriage and was still healing from that and terrified to go through something like that again.
His words were what finally pushed me over the edge to end this, they kept ringing in my ears. And no matter that he was upset that I wasn't spending the holidays with his family or all the plans he was making for us for vacations, home improvements, summer, etc., I just couldn't go on feeling bad about wanting a family (I'm 37 the clock is ticking) or resenting him because he said he didn't want that. Not so long ago he teased me about having babies, something changed along the way.
I know I made the right decision. Its been incredibly tough because all along my gut had told me that he was the one (never had that feeling before with previous relationships). But I've got to take care of myself and hope that we can have a friendship at the end of the day. I am struggling with letting go of the possibility of a future with this man....baby steps.
Thanks all
Kristin