StUcK

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2006
StUcK
1
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 6:38pm
Hey
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half maybe longer... we moved away together because he got a job and i started school. things were great. obviously we have our fights. but that is expected... expecially when you first live together. we have been fighting more than normal for the last week because i was fedup with sitting in the house doing nothing... which is all he has wanted to do lately... no movies, no going out for dinner, nothing. so we ended up fighting about it and he told me he wasnt happy anymore and couldnt stay with me. he says that hes not ready for a relationship. because i have school and work that he has to make plans with me ahead of time to go back home to visit so we can both go and i can take time off. he doesnt want to do that he wants to just get up and go all the time. and i guess im stoping him in some way because i may have to work, we have to live together because i am a student and dont have enough money to live on my own. i am also stuck in the city for atleast three years because of the program i am taking... I still love him and it is soo hard to do this. we have a three bedroom apt. so i have my own room now. but he still acts like we are a couple. he stills watches tv with me, and we cook for each other... he also came and sat with me in the walk in clinic for 6 hours last night. we are going to camp with both our parents this weekend and i told him we have to tell them we arent together anymore but he doesnt want to he says they dont need to know right now and he also asks me not to tell any of my friends or people at school yet either. its seems to me like he just wants me to be his in everyone elses eye so that i cant move on but the commitment on his part isnt there. i just needed to get it out. i dont even know if this makes sense. i dont know what to do. should i just start dating people. like go out one night for dinner or something to see how he reacts. I just dont know if he is really serious about this breaking up thing or if its something else on his mind. and if i do go on a date just to see what he does... what if he kicks me out and im stuck with nothing in a city where i know hardly anyone. what should i do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2004
In reply to: doll_face01
Mon, 01-16-2006 - 8:36pm

I hate to say it but if I was you I'd start now to think of ways to survive if you end up being on your own. It sounds like it could happen. Start thinking of other possible options. Enlarge your friendship base by either getting closer to those you already know or being friendlier with new ppl.

And his not wanting anyone to know you've broken up sounds suspicious. He's not gay is he? I mean, it could be like a gay person who's not ready to come out of the closet to want ppl to think they have a straight r'ship, for cover. Anyway, whatever his reasons, it's not fair for you to have to cover your feelings about the breakup to your own family. What if you need their emotional support to get past this hard time in your life? BUT then too, he may have you right where he wants you & can control whether or not you tell or do whatever else he wants from you, since you need him for living arrangements. Try to think of what you'd do if you can no longer live with him, maybe share a house with other students in the area?? Get a student loan? Anything?

Hugs to you. I know I'd be scared & worried too, but it really will pass & you really will be ok & much happier some day. The sooner the better right?? I know THAT feeling. Let us know how you're doing.