stupid to have been in contact
Find a Conversation
stupid to have been in contact
| Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:42pm |
...
Edited 8/15/2004 10:06 pm ET ET by milton333
Edited 8/15/2004 10:06 pm ET ET by milton333
| Sun, 08-15-2004 - 6:42pm |
I see a trend, you ask the same questions over and over and refuse to really accept the answer. If he wanted to be with you, openly and honestly, you would know. You would have known awhile ago. He would have realized why it was that he did what he did. He woudl have really thought about how he coudl do that to someone he was supposed to love. He woudl have figured it out. When he contacted you again, he would have NOT played any games with you. He woudl have respected you enough to be open and honest and put himself out there with no guarantee of you reciprocating. He would have been strong enough to make himself vulnerable to you.
He did none of these things. Instead he played games. KNowing exactly how you felt about the breakup, he woo-ed you. He got on your good side. He appeased his guilt by thinking,
" i couldnt have been that bad if she is still falling for me and wants to be with me". Not to say that he doesnt have feelings for you. I think he does.
But regardless he still doesnt get it. And i know you do. He doesnt understand what it woudl take to be with you, and if he does, he obviously isnt interested. You know what, I think for him to REALLY be with you is too hard for him. He isnt ready, he isnt mature enough.
Whatever he is doing, its not enough exactly for the reason why you are on these boards. If you knew what he wanted and where you stood, you wouldnt need to bounce these ideas off of us. You deserve more than to question his loyalty and his love. You need to be with someone mature enough to give it openly and selflessly.
Please remember that.
You asked us why we think that he backs away when you want to pin him down to talk. The reason is obvious, before you said anything... he was in control of everything. He initiated everything and you guys pretty much play by his rules. Sorry, but this does not sound like a guy who is trying to win you over... this is a guy who is playing games.
It makes me sad to see that you are so hung up on him, because when I first started having relationship trouble... you were always the one that was so tough, strong and a believer of no contact. It seems as though he is making you go against everything that earned my respect for you.
Why would you want to waste all of your time with this guy. He is simply a mean guy who does not know what he wants. I understand that you love him and that you USED to have something... but things change, people change. No matter how much you want it to go back to the way it used to be, it won't. That was the past and now you need a present, you can't keep living in the past... it will tear you apart.
You know it... everyone on this board knows it... he is not good for you. Move on. No contact! I hope you can be the strong person that you were when I was introduced to this board because I think you were happier then and would be happier now if you cut ALL strings.
Just my 2 cents.
I give up...
So we're all stupid for being in contact with our exes. This we know....
Where do we go from here? The point is to end it... and end it now. That is - end the constant relationship re-evaluation, analysis, memory provoking, self-depricating behavior that keeps us forever in this sad, sad tailspin. As women, we analyze and think about this stuff so much. The reason men get over this stuff faster is because they don't rehash in their minds all the emotional trauma.
Sometimes I wish I could be more like a man. So let's try - let's not talk about our exes for one week. As much as I LOVE this board (and all of you for your wonderful contributions), let's dedicate the week to helping other heals but put our own issues of the breakup on the back burner.
We can keep talking about this stuff or we can take ACTION.
Face it, if we've been dealing with it for months, it is NOT going to get worse now. We need to cleanse our minds - kind of like relationship de-tox. I challenge any of you who are having break up trauma that has continued more that a couple of months to let it go for now. I know its hard.
And then one last thing...... Rent/buy the DVD of "UNDER THE TUSCAN SUN". It will revive you, I PROMISE!!!!!!!!!!
Hugs to everyone! Andrea