Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
2
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 1:30pm

Don't do what I did. I slept with my ex and I feel so bad now. You see, I broke up with him because he was not treating me right . I told him I couldn't do it anymore and to give me some time to get over him before we could hang out as friends. I also told him to do what was best for him in terms of seeing other people. All in all quite fair and mature behavior on my part.

We continued to talk after the breakup and he was the one who initiated all the contact. I was doing very well and I was never mean to him at all. I heard him out politely on those nights that he called me complaining about how he missed me; I explained to him why I couldn't do it anymore. I felt so strong....he wanted to see me and he would call all the time. He left message upon message.

I told him to stop calling. He didn't. He tried every trick in the book. Whining, guilt trips, telling me he still cared. I didn't want to speak to him so most times I never answered the phone and it was actually getting on my nerves. Sometimes I would answer because I really believed he was hurting and I felt sorry for him. HA!

Anyway he drove me home after a work related event and asked if he could come up and see my new apartment and my cat who he always adored. I knew what he wanted. He was so &%#ing persistent. Of course once we got upstairs he started pulling off my clothes and kissing me all over and I just said: "Fine we can have sex."

Part of me felt like maybe this would get him off my back once and for all, part of me was turned on and I guess part of me thought I could handle it. Another part of me feared it would backfire on me. The actual sex wasn't at all bad. I didn't really get off, but we were both smiling and there was no rancour between us afterwards.

What I don't understand is why I allowed it to happen when I should have said no. I knew I was going to feel like he took the power back and is now laughing it up no matter how he behaved in the aftermath. Has anyone else out there slipped up and had sex with the ex who can tell me their story...I feel like such a fool. Please no flaming I know what I did was wrong just looking for some support from those who've been through this. How did you get over it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 2:07pm

don't be so hard on yourself. you are not stupid, you're just human. i think it's very "normal" to have sex with an ex...not that it's "good" or healthy for our mental well-being, but it's definately not abnormal. why you did it, i couldn't tell you, only you can figure that out. many of us do things we know we shouldn't do, or that is not in our best interest, but like i said, we are human and we make mistakes.

i can tell you for me, the reasons were sometimes just because it was familiar and comfortable, sometimes it was even like you said, to get them off my back, and at times it was for my own selfish reasons and i had "needs".

how do you get over it? hmmmmmmmm, i don't know. in the past what worked for me i guess was just not seeing them at all...and with my most recent ex, i still struggle with it, although lately it's been better and that's only because we're trying the nc thing.

again, don't be so hard on yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 2:09pm

First of all, I doubt that your ex is "laughing it up."

 Start