Suggested Reading

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Suggested Reading
8
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 12:30pm

In some of the postings, it was suggested that one should read the book "He's Just Not That Into You", by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I was not much into self-help books because I foolishly thought they did not pertain to any of my particular situations. Some of them included these long and laborious workbooks that would make me have to face myself. (Horrors! ME, be part of the problem?) At the bookstore, I picked up a copy while searching for last minute gift ideas. I now believe that it is one of the BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT I EVER GAVE MYSELF.

Being a slim book, I dived right into it. I slept on it, and then read it again. Every chapter somehow related to past relationships I have been in, so it meant that it related to me. It was so insightful. I was making the problem so complex, when the answer was so simple: I deserve better if I want to be happy and in a satisfying, healthy relationship. No more wasting time trying to figure him out, as he was wasting no precious time on me. Let's be grown up about it, deal with it, and move on.

When I let the negative thoughts of my most recent break up creep back in, I will force myself to pick up my copy to reenforce what I know to be the right thing to do. If I slide back into my old habits in future relationships (And I'm sure I will. Old habits die hard), I will reread this publication just to give myself a good, swift kick in the butt. It's like a good friend giving you advise, only it comes from inside yourself. This book is going to stay on my nightstand for a long time.

So, thanks to all of you that suggested "He's Just Not That Into You". If your are a man and thinking it may do you some good to read it, don't let the *he* deter you. There are women out there that are just not that into you. As the song goes, "Free your mind, and the rest will follow."

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Sat, 12-25-2004 - 9:41pm

I couldn't agree more! I forget where on this board I first heard the title, but I got it from the library, read it twice, will buy it soon, and I recommend it in at least half of my replies here. It's a bit like a cold shower, kind of painful while enduring it, but afterwards, you feel so refreshed and ready to take on the world. I think the advice in it we all know way down deep, but we just delude ourselves because we want the "love" back ASAP. This just rips away the masks fast and gives us the freedom to say "OH, O.K., I get it...time to move on...to BETTER things!" Other excellent books recommended on this board are "He's Scared, She's Scared" and "Why Men Love Bitches." Both very good and I hate self-help books too. Instead of crying and agonizing get some books that will empower you and help you to move on!

p.s. We should start getting some royalties for promoting these books don't you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 10:15am

Golden Eyed,

Thanks for the suggestions. I will have to go to the library and check your reading list. But, then again, you can never treat yourself to well to have another Xmas gift.

Mimiche

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2004
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 2:11pm

I believe that the book "He's Just Not That Into You" played a part in why by boyfriend broke up with me when he did.

A few days before it happened we were watching Larry King and the authors were on talking about the book. We only watched the show for maybe 5 minutes. I didn't put much thought into the book at the time, but obviously he did. When he broke up with me he referred back to the television program and the book.

Now I know he probably didn't run out and read the book, but is that what it is about? - break up with her if you don't feel those butterflies anymore. Having had a week to think about it, I can't help but think that may have been what happened. Being a 2 and a half year relationship he lost the excitement, heard the expression "he's just not that into you," heard one of the men from The Bachelor (who was also on the program) talk about breaking up with girls, and thought that was what he had to do. Why else would he quote it in his breakup speach a few days later?

Maybe I'm wrong. I probably am. I'm probably just doing whatever I can to rationalize his behaviour right now. The point of all my ramblings is this: I want to go out and read this book. But, having had him use it as a reason why he was breaking up with me, I am scared to. In your opinion, will the book help me at this stage, or will it only hurt me more being a reminder of what he said?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 2:40pm

Jaxxie,

I question the judgement of a person who would listen to 5 minutes of an interview, not buy a book, and make a decision to end a relationship. If, 2 1/2 years into a relationship, he didn't feel the butterflies and didn't want to work on changing it; it is a reflection of him, not your relationship. He hid behind a catch phrase, instead of admitting he was lazy.

I found that the book can help you in rationalizing his behavior if that is what WANT to get out of it. It can also help you in avoiding the pitfall of "he's great, but...." Seeing the red flags early into a relationship may help you from repeating the pain.

Most importantly, it reaffirms that you are one hell of a smart, beautiful gal (or guy), and that you needn't waste one more minute on someone who doesn't appreciate it.

Go to the bookstore, and read a few pages for free. If you don't connect with the authors, put it back. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Mimiche

Avatar for alsatia23
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-28-2004 - 10:12am
It is a great book.






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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 1:15pm

Golden eyed,

I took the time to sneek a peek at "Why Men Love Bitches." Thank heavens for those comfortable chairs at the local bookstore! I can't say I'm ready right now to totally accept the changes the author suggested. But, when I am, I think it will be for the better.

Happy New Year and Happy Life

Mimiche

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 12-31-2004 - 3:50pm
Thanks for sharing your success with this book.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Sat, 01-01-2005 - 6:52pm

This is one of the most amazing books I have read on this topic. It seriously has freed me from worring why isn't he calling or seeing me or wanting me as much as I want him. If a guy doesn't want to be with me, I now know I am better off without him. I deserve to be with someone who wants to be with me, who enjoys being with me and who doesn't have to "think about it". And when this doesn't happen, I now know he's just not that into me.

I've also read "I Used To Miss Him But My Aim Is Improving" and "The Girls Guide To Surviving A Break-up". All of these books have helped me to understand why my past relationships ended and have helped me to stop blaming myself. For me, this was a huge break-through.

I loved "He's Just Not That Into You" so much that I have passed it on to several friends and relatives and recommend it to everyone who has relationship issues. A definite must read for everyone, and I agree, it will benefit both men and women!