Support and thoughts please
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| Fri, 09-24-2004 - 1:18pm |
I posted on this board almost three weeks ago, maybe a month, because I left my boyfriend of six years. I broke it off because I am young, 25, and after I started working from home he began to treat me like a housewife, when in actuality I was working extremely hard to open and run my own business. These types of problems were not new, only much more obvious, and I finally felt so resentful that I made up my mind that ending the relationship was the healthiest thing I could do.
Here's the conflict: We are still living in the same apartment until the middle of November when I leave for Europe and then come back and move in to the apartment I just bought.
I had been doing really well. I keep my emotions in control and I live my own life, which is really refreshing after so many years with someone. I guess I am just looking for some wise words today because I really wish that I could just leave this environment. I know I can't because I run my business from home and since I just bought a place and live around NYC I cannot afford to leave just yet. It's just the waiting that is so hard.
The ex is being really weird these days....almost in complete denial. Three weeks ago, I asked him to move out of the bedroom since I own the bed and everything in the room. He didn't do it and continued sleeping in the bed. So I set up a separate bedroom for him in the apartment. Also, when I go out with friends he asks me about who I was with and who I met. I know how hard this situation is for both of us, but he is sending out really crazy signals. Perhaps I am just not seeing something?
All I want is to move on and to let go of him. I care about him as a person but the more he acts this way the more I just want to ignore him and get out of this situation.
Anyway, any thoughts or ideas or anything are so appreciated. I am just feeling frustrated today.
Thank you.
Katie

Does he pay rent or is he sponging off of you? How long will you be in Europe? Long enough to consider moving all your stuff into storage or selling it? He probably wouldn't stick around long if you sold or moved the bedroom sets out from under him ("but honey, I need the cash for my vacation"). The activity of preparing your stuff for sale or storage would make the next few weeks go by quickly. I would be extremely cautious about leaving your belongings with him while you're gone. Even the nicest of ex-boyfriends can get very vengeful in your absence. He could trash or sell your stuff while you were away...or invite some floozy over and have meaningless sex on your bed and furniture. Does your family have space you could store your boxes in NOW? It's not your job to make a cozy little sleeping room for him. Keep only what you absolutely need for your business and yourself until you go on vacation. By the time you leave for Europe, there should be nothing in your apartment but half a roll of toilet paper, a few paper plates and spoons, and your boyfriend standing there wondering what hit him.
It sounds like you're making some very smart decisions and I applaud your hard work in getting your own business started and successfully saving for a new apartment and a vacation too! Keep at it...we could all learn something from your initiative!