Support Needed & Greatly Appreciated...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2005
Support Needed & Greatly Appreciated...
3
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 7:37pm

Hi, everbody. I am a "Dealing and Healing Lurker." LOL I visit this board, but have never actually posted. Today, however, I must.

I am a 22 year old divorced single mom of a beautiful 4 year old little girl. Shortly after my separation from my daughter's father, I began dating "Michael," an old friend from High School who had always had a thing for me. We had tried dating in the past, but we never ended up a couple until January 2002.

Yesterday, January 12th, was our 3 year anniversary, if you'd like to call it that. Yesterday was also the day Michael packed up all of his things and moved out.

We have had a very unstable relationship. Michael recently began dealing drugs, and has been abusive in every form for the past 2 1/2 years. All holidays have been ruined; he refused to spend Christmas with my family this year {no real reason, I think he LIKES to make me miserable}, and threw an ashtray and a deck of cards at me this New Year's Eve in front of our best friends when I beat him at a card game. He belittles me, calls me every name in the book, and threatens to "beat my @ss" {both when we are alone and in front of friends}. He has also become increasingly worse with my daughter, losing his patience, yelling at her, and calling her a "brat." He also recently told me that marriage "is nowhere in his mind," yet gets mad at me when I take birth control pills, because he wants us to have a baby. We have broken up so many times, I've lost count, but somehow had always managed to get back together.

I have always tried to communicate with him, but he does not hear me. He says that he is a "good man" because he pays all of the bills, and I stay home with my daughter. He says my world should revolve around him, and what he says goes. He says I should do anything and everything he wants.

I was not here yesterday when he came home from work, intentionally. I asked him to leave yesterday on his lunch break, and, after calling my cell phone several times, he packed his things and left.

I am ready to be happy. I am ready to live peacefully. I want a better life for my daughter. I do not want to be involved with a drug dealer. I am a wonderful mother and a good woman, and I DESERVE better. What I am afraid of is this vicious yo-yo cycle of make up/break up that we go through every time. I guess I am here for some advice, like everyone else. Sure, the few friends that I still have {he has ran nearly all of my friends away} tell me what I want to hear, but I don't feel like they truly understand how hard this is. I apologize for this post being so long, and I appreciate any advice or kind words you may have to offer.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-13-2005 - 8:41pm

I don't mean to alarm you, but continuing to expose your daughter to a drug dealer and abuser could mean that you LOSE her, if someone were to report you to CPS!

Keep that in the back of your mind every time you're tempted to get back together with him, and that should keep you strong. You don't deserve this treatment, for SURE, but neither does your daughter, and she can't stand up for herself. You HAVE to be strong for HER!

Take whatever steps you need to in order to stop him from contacting you. File for supervised visitation (I'd be very surprised if a court allowed unsupervised visitation, assuming you're honest with them in your filings), but that's all the contact you should have with him.

I wish you all the best...be strong for yourself but also for your daughter!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 4:06am

goddess_genesis...


Michael sounds like a complete "mental case" (to Pianoguy, anyway)....and that's the LAST THING you want to expose your lovely 4-year old daughter to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Sun, 01-23-2005 - 3:06pm
I think you have made the most wise decision in deciding to break things off with him. Being a good man doesn't entail just paying your bills, it means being 'good' in every aspect. No woman should ever be belittled in at all let alone in front of people. He obviously thinks he can do whatever he pleases, but you have a more important thing to consider--your daughter. Stay strong and stay away from him, it's unfortunate such a bad person had to come into your life, but he is violent and abusive and has no place treating you the way he does. I would block his phone numbers, emails, etc and make sure that you are well taken care of until this can blow over. You're so young (same age as me!) and there are many wonderful men out there who will treat you and oyur daughter wonderfully the way you DESERVE to be treated. Lots of Luck! mandy