Surprise Break-Up
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| Sat, 07-30-2005 - 8:55pm |
Me and my boyfriend were approaching our one year anniversary which is in a few weeks. We contemplated breaking up once before ealier in the summer because he wasn't to sure of how faithful he could be and he didnt want to cheat on me.We ended up stayin together because I didnt wasnt ot break up nor did he want to even ponder the thought of me dating other guys.
As were approaching the end of the summer he calls me a couple days ago with the same "I want to sow my wild oats" bit. He feels that this relationshp could make it to the altar, but he doesn't feel he has had that chance to "sow his wild oats."I mean the relationship is goin well but he feels that his temptation for "other girls" at this point is very strong and that he may end up hurting me.
So he basically wants to go on a break for a while just to sow his oats and eventually get back around to me when he's done. What is going on with him? He said I did nothing wrong.I'm hurt by this but I don't want to spend this break crying over him while he's sowing away.Do you guys htink I should just live the single life and wait for him? I do want to get back with him,but this was kind of a harsh move on his part.Should I take him back when HE's ready?

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You didn't mention this in your original post and this changes the situation a bit, in a my view. The week of NC is fine in my view, as he's set a dateline to get back to you and tell you his desicion: he'll be back OR he's not coming back.
BUT assuming that you two broke up and that he's told you that he wants to be friends on a long term basis with no dateline set to "date" again I'd think deeply about it and focus on what's good for ME and not for him.
Being frinds after a break up is not easy for the party who is still in love. Asking you to remain friends is something you have to think about. He wants time to think about himself and such, BUT he wants to remain friends with you; he assumes you will but he's not taking into consideration your feelings. What do you think about it? You say you don't like the NC thing but that you love him so you'll do it. BUT can you be friends on a long term basis under the circumstances? Is it good for you and feelings? Can you handle seeing him and not being able to kiss and hug him, let alone not be intimate with him? Asking you to be only friends isn't fair to you and it's selfish of him. You also need time to get over him before you can be his friend. The day you don't feel jealous of him or feel hurt by him talking about how other look or his GF, that day you can be his friend. NOT before. Think about this situation, as you may also need time to decide. Are you willing to be friends because you love him? Adhire to his wishes in spite of your feelings?
Hello???? Am I missing something here, but when did this become acceptable at all?? Girl, he is letting you go so he can screw other chics. I take it that you two have slept together.... and he is saying that isn't good enough so he's going to find other girls to sleep with. And not let you get too far away, paleeez. And don't be flattered that he is going to insist on keeping in contact... uh NO! You put your foot down, he is willing to give you up or actually move you outta the way so he can get his groove on , and for his own selfish jealousy isn't going to follow the no contact rule? THIS IS INSANE
He doesn't love you, this isn't love. If he isn't ready for a serious relationship or whatever fine, but he wants something and you aren't it. He is immature, and is feeding you alot of crap, sugarcoating it, so you feel special, "just wait right here and I'll be back, I just gotta go be a man for abit" If he can't be the man with you and love you with his everything than walk away. Leave him be, I promise you deserve way better. If in fact he does come back than what does that make you??? Second best, third, fiftyeth??? I sound harsh, but DROP THIS LOSER. I know you said you are moving on, please please believe that and don't hold on to that crap of I need to be friends, or maybe we'll make it to the alter after I get my rocks off for a few years without you. Phhttt, Hugs and please block him, delete him, run far away from him, restraining order, he is so unhealthy for you. Just remember when you feel sad, he gave you up first, now you are standing up for yourself and going to find a man who will love you for you and who couldn't imagine living a day without you
Just my opinion
Grace