taking a "break" on first love

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
taking a "break" on first love
14
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 9:21pm

Hi everyone! I am new here and am looking for some advice on my situation with my long-term boyfriend. For some background, we are both 20 and we have been together for over two and a half years. We met in high school and we

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 11:29pm

Hi Laur


My ex and I were also in an LDR about the same amount of time as you and almost the same distance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2007
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 11:58pm

Hey there


I think it's a healthy thing for the two of you to break up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 10:23am
Thank you both so much for your replies! Its really nice to have some outside input on my situation. Lovergrl, your response really helped me to put things into perspective. And you are right, I should be glad that if things are truly over between us, at least they ended in this way, having love and mutual respect for one another. But that makes it hard also, because I know he is this really wonderful person. Its like I want to hate him...but there is no way I ever could. Today will be our first full day of no contact...the first day in almost 3 years that I wont know how he is or what he is up to. I'll miss snuggling and kissing...but most of all I will miss my best friend who always wanted to hear about my day and wanted to make sure I got home safely at night. He was always the one I could turn to when I was upset, and now, when I'm miserable..I cant call him. But I know the only chance we have (and that I have for feeling better) is to stay away and have my own life for awhile. Ugh..its so hard.
I will not call him....I will not call him...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 10:47am

Stay strong Laur...and even though my ex hurt me deeply, I also miss talking to him at the end of the day, having someone to hold, etc...all the things that you also miss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 1:33pm
I've ready many posts in which the writer says to never let your ex know how hurt you are. Is this because they know they still have a hold on you and that if they want to come back later, you will be waiting with open arms? Or is it the challenge that will get them interested again?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 1:57pm

buddy2008


I am not sure why others feel you shouldn't let your ex know how you feel.....for me, I wouldn't want him to know because then he will feel I am a fall back for when he wants to get back together. I have to beleive that if he thinks I have moved on, then he will address what he really wants. And maybe that includes me, or maybe he figures out he needs to move on. If he moves on, then I have lost nothing and I know it was meant to be that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 9:36pm
I've been going through a similar situation recently with my long term ex-boyfriend, who was also my first love. He asked for space when he went to college and regrettably, I didn't give it to him. He has another girlfriend now, and I'm just now realizing what was going through his mind at the time. So...stay strong. If there ever is a right time to break up, now is it, when you're at college. If you come back to each other, and it will make your relationship that much stronger :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 10:56am
It has been so helpful to read of your responses and similar experiences, I keep reading them over and over when I am feeling weak. We had no contact at all yesterday, and I was actually ok for some of the day and proud of myself for resisting the very persistent urge to call or text him. Today, however, I am feeling horrible. A new semester started today and so I am back at school and away from my family. I just feel so lonely. I only had one class today and I could barely get through it. Not only was I doing everything in my power to hold back tears, but I also feel sick...I know it is anxiety. It feels so cliche to say it..but I cant sleep and I cant eat. I know deep down that he is not going to call (he said he would be in touch..but I don't know) but I keep looking at my phone hoping its him...I even think I hear it sometimes. I wish I could change things...I feel so helpless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 5:23pm

I just wanted to comment that you sound much much better than when you first posted on this board. I am incredibly incredibly proud and happy about the amount of distance you've managed to push yourself into and I'm sure everyone here is too. Kudos

All the best


- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past - there's a reason they didn't make it into your future.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 5:57pm

You are very strong.

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