taking off the pink shades...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
taking off the pink shades...
14
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 7:41pm

 

does anybody else know that feeling when you suddenly realize that maybe you were fooling yourself and that man was maybe not price charming? :( 

i.e. that you can live without him and that you might have been wrong and that he is the only man on this planet?  :(

it is happening to me and it hurts like hell.:(

it is like i am falling "out"of love.

and it hurts...

i just suddenly realized that i do not need my ex to survive, that i will lead a happy life regardless if he is in it or not, and that maybe there is another man that might be the father of my future children /future husband. - outch.. why does it hurt to think this? 

i do not like that feeling. 

for one year i was 100% sure he is the one.

now within 2 weeks something changed. he broke up and i wanted to keep fighting or something. but something changed inside me :( 

the way he treated me changed my feelings :(

outch... i did not want to change :(

why does this hurt ?

I feel guilty because I wanted to keep loving him in the way i did, i wanted that to last  forever. 3 weeks ago I thought I could not live without him. And today , in the mirror I see a whole new person…with  much more self esteem…  I am ok with being without him . and that scares me.

I miss loving him. I dont  remember what it is like to miss him.  :(

I can not "feel" him anymore. - i do not know how else to put it in words :(

Does that sound strange?

Shouldn’t I want him to call me and text him , why am I so cool and relaxed by myself? :(

can I simply loose those feelings? i do not get it. what is happening? :(

I am scared of myself:(…

wow... is anyone going through the same? 

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Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 5:20am

It's a shame that he turned out to not be the man you thought he was. But wouldn't you rather know about it than continue to be blinded from the truth? Why would you want to keep living with rose colored glasses? 

If he is your ex, then this is a good thing. It means you are moving on. You need to "fall out of love" with him. I don't know why that would scare you - is this your first serious relationship/break up? Why would you want to remain in love with your ex?

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 7:56am

it's called "falling back in love with yourself".  You have retrieved your self and that is always a good thing. Try not to lose her again in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 11:35am

What happened to cause this? What was his crime?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 8:32pm
thank you kendahke. you are right. :) xx
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 8:37pm
hi uk girl . well i dont know if anyone HAS to fall out of love so quickly. there is no need for anything: not to love him and not to not love him. it is just that in a relationship one gets used to making someone the nr.1 priority in your life. and when that changes it hurts . and i find it scary how fast feelings can change. from the most important person of ones life to not so important anymore in almost no time compared to the time the relationship took. a psychologist told me that you need twice as long to overcome a relationship as it lasted. so a one year relationship keeps you mourning 2 years. it seems psychologists dont know everything...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 8:38pm
glenn. that is a long story. but no crime involved :o) xxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Tue, 12-04-2012 - 9:15pm
well, there is one thing though... now that i see him without the shades i realize and see so many things that are wrong with him. shocking. while i was in love he was the greatest, the best, the loveliest man on earth. now without the shades he is just an average guy.. with a couple of not so nice personality traits.. and actually not such a good catch after all :( sure it hurts realizing that. it is almost like going into a store and spending all your money on an amazing coat you always wanted.. and after you have worn it for a little while it turns out it is a fake and falls into pieces... and you stand their naked thinking: wow, i just made a completely wrong decision, but i invested so much.. it hurts.
Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 6:21am

1stfemalepresident wrote:
hi uk girl . well i dont know if anyone HAS to fall out of love so quickly. there is no need for anything: not to love him and not to not love him. it is just that in a relationship one gets used to making someone the nr.1 priority in your life. and when that changes it hurts . and i find it scary how fast feelings can change. from the most important person of ones life to not so important anymore in almost no time compared to the time the relationship took. a psychologist told me that you need twice as long to overcome a relationship as it lasted. so a one year relationship keeps you mourning 2 years. it seems psychologists dont know everything...

I've always heard that it's a month for every year you've been together.  In my own life experience, this seems to be the case. I've never pined behind any man twice as long as I'd been with him.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 10:30am
No, you're right, I wouldn't agree with that psychologist either. There is no set timeline of getting over any relationship. But consider that the quicker you do move on from this, the sooner you can start enjoying your life again and perhaps find someone who IS right for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Thu, 12-06-2012 - 10:53am
:o) thank you! yes i agree! there are no set rules for emotions ;) and yes, moving on is important: so why delay it ;) aeh.. he contacted me and wants to meet me in a couple of weeks to "talk". i am not sure if this meets he wants to officially break up in person of what it means. I will meet him when i am emotionally stable enough ;) the next 2 weeks will not be the time. but i guess after that i can face thim, lets see ;o) I will decide this later. hey , it is christmas! :D I want to enjoy this time and spend it with my family... :) - and read romantic love novels while i travel to visit my family.. ^_^ and not have a single worry on my mind :D thank you all :D :) and i hope you all enjoy the season! :)

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