Taking your power back

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Taking your power back
3
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 10:51am

He kept saying that "maybe one day we would be able to figure this all out and who knows what next week or next month would bring". I confronted him and told him that now was the time to decide not a week or month from now - today or never! He said he just didn't know - so I told him "I don't know is a no and that means he may never contact me again". He wanted to text me in a week or so and I told him NO - no contact ever again - this was his ONE and ONLY opportunity to fix this. I walked away with my power back. I will no longer waste tears on someone who won't cry over me!
We as women hand over too much of our power and energy to the men in our lives. That is fine if it is recipricated but too many times that does not happen. Men don't seem to have these issues - we need to learn from them and take our power back. I have cried and been miserable for the past 3 weeks - NO MORE! I will now treat him with the same disregard he treated me - no more energy - no more tears. This is my life and I get to rule what I do with it!

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and thoughts - you have been very helpful in this process and I know I have a long way to go still but this is the first step and I appreciate your support and guidance. Peace, Love and Taco Shells!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 10:55am
OH MY GOSH..I LOVE THIS..SO TRUE. Each time I break the NC rule, and am a mess I am giving my power to him. Today I will remember your words. My ex chose another for a bedmate. He can HAVE her. I will share my love with someone who can support and nourish our mutual positive regard. Until I meet this man, I will love myself and enjoy my life...some moments are weak and hard but this email is JUST WHAT I NEEDED as I see, for the first time, my ex since we split. Thanks so much Hurt..I love you..
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 12:02pm
That is the problem with these "I need space/a break/time" breakups. We on the receiving end tend to forget that we also have a choice. We start asking how long it will take for HIM to figure out what HE wants. Like all we can do is sit back and wait. But in the end it just comes down to what WE want. After seeing my SO for a year, I got the tired cliche "I need space". He still wanted to see me (on occasion? -- in between other dates?? I dunno), to be in contact(just not as much?). I couldn't do that! Even if he didn't date other women, my inner control freak did not like the unknowing. But I did know that I COULD NOT continue to be in contact with him if he dated other people. I decided that he would have all the space he needed to go find whatever it was he was looking for. I told him I would not continue to see him and for him not to call me -- period! I actually did it very calm and reasonable manner -- didn't ask him anymore questions, just spoke my mind and heart. He just listened. It was hard and I felt such pain and lonliness -- but I too felt impowered. It was very tough, a week later I wanted to call him and tell him that I changed my mind -- but I didn't. In the end, everything happens for a reason.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 12:20pm
i think it's great that you are feeling better, and you have found something that works for you and for others as i see from the other posts. i do have to say though that i somewhat disagree with you. i do not believe that we(as women) are giving up/over our power to men(specifically our ex's in this case) when we cry/grieve....i think we are giving power to ourselves...we are allowing ourselves to be human. we are getting in touch with our emotions which i believe is the pathway to our souls... which is apart of healing and releasing. i know that women sometimes to give their power to men/exes in some ways, and like the other poster said we always have a choice...so yes, if we sit around waiting for someone who doesn't want to be with us or love us, and have no respect for us, or if we stay in a relationship which we know is toxic...then yes, we are giving up our power by not being "active" in making positive changes/choices in our life...but giving up/over our power when we grieve/cry and feel our pain over a relationship whether "bad" or "good", i have to strongly dissagree...i think it's quite the opposite.