tangled

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2005
tangled
1
Sun, 02-06-2005 - 4:23am

I got myself into this situation and I kind of want to tell everyone to go away so I can figure myself out. Back in the end of september and beginning of october I started to see this guy. He was sweet and I felt comfortable with him, which is good because I haven't felt comfortable with a guy since my last bf of over a year ago. While we were seeing each other we fooled around but never had sex. Well, after 3 weeks of seeing each other he decided that he "didn't have time for me". I know it's a lie and just a good way to say "I'm not interested anymore". I desperately want to ask him why he decided this.

After we stopped seeing each other we started to fool around and having sex. It was much more than what I wanted outside of a relationship. Yet at the same time I found myself enjoying it a lot. I enjoy sex. We are good friends. I consider him one of my closer friends. We hang out quite a bit but the more I hang out with him I find that he is different. I stopped believing he was a sweet person and in fact now think that he only says what he thinks is the right thing to say. I also find it difficult to talk to him about what we are doing.

Oh but wait! It gets more complicated. My best girl friend hates him and he hates her. All three of us were at a party and there was some stuff that went down. He now thinks she is crazy and she thinks he is an idiot. In short they don't get along. She tells me to stop fooling around with him (which she is right about) and none of my other friends particularly like him. I have become friends with some of his friends, specifically his best friend.

Well, now his best friend now likes me. He asked me if we could try something. To me this made my whole situation a lot more awkward. I've been told that men view dating friends differently than women, but it's just not comfortable for me at all. Don't get me wrong, the best friend is a great guy and so nice. I'm not attracted to him but I am willing to let something like that develop. It's just hard for me to get over the fact that I still like his best friend (the first one I dated) and that the best friend didn't tell him. I was the one that told him and he didn't care.

Also many of my friends think that I should date the best friend. They think he could treat me right and think that we are compatible. I'm not so sure. He is very religious and I am not. I've been in this type of relationship before and found it didn't work. The other thing that I worry about is that I would go back to his friend. I just don't feel like I am in the right place in my life to be in a relationship. I think I would hurt him or any other guy that wanted to date me or I would want to date for that matter. I would like to be in a relationship but I don't think it would be healthy for me or the other person. I just can't believe I let it get to this.

My best friend has told me that his best friend thinks I am using him. Consciously I'm not using him but perhaps unconsciously I am so that his friend will be jealous. I would enjoy being with him longer than a month or at least having sex within the bounds of a relationship. I don't want the best friend to think I am using him or leading him on, which has also been a topic of controversy.

I'm so confused and it doesn't help that I have all these people telling me what to do. There are so many more complications, but the fact that my feelings for the first guy are still there and then his best friend liking me are in the foreground of this situation. The only thing I know for certain is that I must stop fooling around with the first guy. I want to be his friend, but that is far as it can go. So I guess the thing I need to figure out is how to get the balls to tell his best friend that I'm not ready for anything. This is why I wish everyone would go away. I get so frustrated that I cry at night and find it hard to concentrate. I feel so out of control.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: pip83202
Wed, 02-09-2005 - 12:35pm

pip83202...


Easy solution from Pianoguy:


If you're old enough to have ANY relationship...then you should be OLD ENOUGH TO KEEP IT UNDER CONTROL!


But as long as you wish to continue to act like a child....you'll be used, abused and disatisfied!


Take Control of your life and ask yourself what you HONESTLY want in a relationshio!