With tears and a broken heart
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With tears and a broken heart
| Tue, 07-12-2005 - 10:02am |
The title of this discussion is what I signed off an email to him with. I am so very sad right now. I feel different levels of sadness from time to time, from having a really hard time to being in pain with tears rolling down my face (like right now) to feeling merely wistful :( Whichever form it's in the sadness is constant. It'll be alleviated sometimes if a friend makes me laugh, but I feel sad again immediately after. It's Tuesday morning, and I left on Friday afternoon, so the breakup is very new and fresh. It also doesn't help that I sent him an email last night saying that it was a comfort for me just to be emailing him, to have indirect communication with him, I also wrote in the email that if it made him uncomfortable he should tell me and I wouldn't email him anymore, and he replied and in BOLD TYPE (I just read it a few hours ago) asked me to please not email him anymore, also that he changed his mind about packing my things for me, and that he was going to change the locks, and there's only one day when I can come get my things. WAAAAAAAAH! I'm in a crappy little room until the end of the month, after that I don't know, I've had to ask my dad to help me get a cell phone, I haven't had to ask my dad for cash for almost two years, I'm also going to the pawn shop for the first time in a while :( and everybody (except for the one friend I told about our problems) thinks we were doing really really good, with mutual respect and the whole nine. Wwe were engaged, I still wore the ring (on my right hand) until this morning, it's in my pocket now. I still loove him and he still loves me. But he's not asking me back, and this breakup is final. Please, any responses would be greatly appreciated! I work graveyard shifts and I get incredibly lonely, depressed and sad. The internet hepls me stay sane, and makes me fel supported. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

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Yep! Something's in the air. I had ended a relationship about 6 months ago and started a new one about 2 months ago (way too soon, I knew it then, I know it now) and I got DUMPED HARD on Monday night over the phone. He's got too much going on, he's a mess, needs to fix himself, doesn't want to drag me down with him, blah blah blah, ad nauseum....
At least with this one, it was whirlwind, but short-lived so I'm moving through the stages quickly. Yesterday I was crushed. Today I'm ANGRY. He's the one who pursued things beyond friendship (which we'd had a great one before), he's the one who rushed things, I was just following his lead and WHAM! I got SMACKED DOWN. It was out of the blue. Never saw it coming. Never had that happen before either. I always saw it coming when this sort of thing happened.
My advice? Keep busy. It's the same old story but it works. Keep busy, surround yourself with friends, occupy your mind. and DON'T, whatever you do, DON'T for goodness sake, listen to music. Is EVERY song out there about love? ugh.
You will get through this. We all will. You're blessed with family that you can go to asking for help. I know it's such a hard thing to do, but you can just pay it forward to someone else in need when you're in a position to do so.
(Hey....you responded to my other message...here is the one I placed on that other board).... Today is when I want to call or e-mail him.....Still haven't heard a word from him since Monday at 10:30 am!!!!
I am in desperate need of any advice you all would be willing to share with me. I'm 34 and my BF is 44. I got an e-mail yesterday morning at work from my BF of 7 months saying he really enjoys being with me and spending time with me but at this time he doesn't feel that he needs a GF. And he has felt this way for a couple of weeks. He stayed with me all weekend and we made love Friday night. He said it had been hard for him to say this because he didn't want to hurt my feelings. At the present time he feels we should only be friends, if I wanted too. That he loves me and loves being with me and we can talk later......WELL, it has been 26 hours later and I have not heard a word from him. I responded back via e-mail a few hours later yesterday that I was shocked about this and thought he had more decency for me than to send this in an e-mail and that we had excellent opportunities this weekend to discuss this that I was caught totally off-guard and I wasn't going to continue to wonder and worry and we needed to meet face to face and discuss it so I can have closure and we can both move on.
How can a man even suggest to be friends with someone they have dated EXCLUSIVELY for 7 months if they were not friends before the relationship started????? We were friends in doing things together and things like that..we met, started dating a month later, didn't sleep together until a month later and then he wanted me to be exclusive with just him. ( I had been going to dinner and movies with other men and told him this from day 1).....I asked him not to e-mail me back yesterday at work but to call and leave a message on my home or cell phone on what time would be good for him and I to get together. I haven't heard a word. I want to call, but then I don't. What would make a man do something like this via e-mail????? I mean did he not respect me at all????? PLEASE HELP.....I am at my wits end over this behavior. I am soooo confused and don't know if I should pick up the phone and call or if I should send him an e-mail.....
This is so HARD!! I know what it's like to ache to hear his voice, and to want them to say *something*..ANYthing to help you understand. The bottom line is, he probably won't be able to give that to you.
And as for the friendship thing - that's just selfish. NO you can't be my *friend*. If you find yourself caving to that, remind yourself that you will NOT settle for scraps. You don't want to be his friend. It'll be too painful. I know what it's like to think "well, at least I'd have him in my life in some capacity, which is better than nothing" and all that will do is prolong the healing process and intensify your pain.
The best thing to do is KEEP BUSY. If you feel like calling, come here, call a friend, go shopping, call your family....you WILL get through this. I know it's excruciating at times, but you're strong. You'll do it!!!
Well, I called him yesterday and he was busy working with a salesman and said he'd call me back. He called on my cell when I was at lunch and I asked him if I could call him back once I got back to my office. I did and we chatted for a few minutes then it was quiet and I asked him if we were going to talk about the e-mail I got Monday morning at work? He said yes, we can talk maybe tomorrow evening (which is this evening) so I don't know if we will or not. He said when I sent him the e-mail and asked him why he didn't tell me he loved me anymore on Monday morning that he didn't know of any other way to respond. Then said you told me not to e-mail you anymore and I said No, I said not to e-mail me back (I left for the afternoon because I was so emotional at work and NEEDED to get home). Then he said well I haven't e-mailed you and I said I know. So, then I said okay and for him to have a good afternoon and evening. That was it.
If I can get thru this weekend and stay busy I'll be okay. I just feel so LOST and this came completely out of the blue and I wasn't expecting it at all. So, today I am worrying about what I am going to say to him tonight. Some of my friends tell me to not meet with him...but I need CLOSURE for myself. That is all that I am after....so I can heal and move on. I am confused and overwhelmed by the situation. My BP is sky high and I am not sleeping at all at night...worrying, wondering and crying. I just feel so lost. If anyone has any recommendations for my part of the discussion tonight, please let me know. I just want/need to know why he doesn't want to be with me anymore. And most of all, what I did wrong!!!
The unfortunate thing is that you may not get the answers you're looking for. You may get a lot of "I don't know"s and "I'm confused" for answers. But the important thing is to not beg, don't try to change his mind, it'll just make you feel worse.
I know you probably feel helpless and for me, I feel infuriated by the fact that I don't have the power to change my situation. Truth be told, my ex-guy is in such a bad way right not that I probably *could* manipulate him into agreeing to stay in my life in some way...but then why? It will only end up being a push-pull type of thing where I'll be getting what little scraps he has to give, only to probably end up hurt over and over again. BTDT. Don't wanna ever go through the pain again.
So my advice, if you must talk to him, is have your questions ready. Write them down if you need to. Be very specific with your questions so you'll be more likely to get some specific answers.
What I said (snippets, paraphrased): I'm hoping you can say something that's going to help me to accept this. I want to know what I can do differently going forward as I move on. I feel as though everything you told me you felt in the last couple of months wasn't real for you. That it's maybe what you *thought* you felt. I feel like you maybe didn't think all of this through in the beginning and that you let your emotions cloud your judgement (to which he agreed). Do you miss me? (I need to know. It doesn't change anything and can actually make it harder to hear that he does.)
If you let him know that you're not out to change his mind, that you're just looking for a way to accept it, maybe he'll be a little more open with you.
Anyway, keep us posted.
If you are on aim, I'm XticDrgynfly. i think (lol!) I need to double check my spelling when i get home but give it a shot.
;)
Thanks a bunch!!! I will let you know tomorrow how tonight goes. (if it does) I honestly believe in my heart and mind that he will not call or e-mail me today and he'll just blow it all off. If so, that is fine....it is just an easier way for me to see he is a REAL COWARD and JERK. I WILL NOT ever, ever call him again either. What is so hard, I don't have any "bad" memories to think about. He always treated me well, never hit or cursed me. Actually showed me more respect in 5.5 months than my last BF did for 5 years. (We have been dating for 7 months but I felt something wasn't right in the relationship around the first part of June). He hooked me hard!!!
Thanks for everything and I am going to work on my list of questions this afternoon!!!
It sounds like this has been rough for you and I hope things get better.
I would advise you not to look for answers when none may be coming. Whatever happens be happy that you've handled the situation as well as you have, and remember it is going to be his loss. You can have the great memories you have, and recognize that you are capable of loving, honest relationships.
Stay busy, and try to distance yourself from him to give yourself a clearly picture. Remember the problem seems to be his, not yours.
Good luck.
Ladies,
This is so very much like my story. About five weeks ago, my "bf" of two months dumped me via e-mail three days prior to when we were supposed to leave for a vacation in Europe. Funny, b/c like you "blondie", he totally rushed the relationship and I fell for it big time(I had ended a two year relationship to date him so I think I thought his behavior was acceptable since that's what I was used to with my ex. I've since realized there were numerous red flags along the way.) I took the breakup harder than ANY other I had ever been through and I just couldn't understand why. I would be fine one minute and then one little thing would set me off and I would cry hysterically for what felt like forever.
All I can say is that you will get through it. Reading all (and I do mean all. LOL) of the discussions on this board help me so much. I realized that I wasn't at fault and that no matter what I did, there would have always been an excuse he would have found to end the relationship. I realized that so many other women had experienced what I experienced. It helped just to know that.
No matter what you do, don't jump into another relationship. You need to grieve and realize the purpose he served in your life (my guy came along to help me transition within mine. I ended a relationship with a guy I didn't want to marry, bought my first home, and realized exactly what I want in a partner.) Hopefully, you will learn something from it (such as the "red flags" that I now know of). The pain will pass with time though. Just remember that. I wish I could tell you more.
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