Terrible Set back

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
Terrible Set back
5
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 11:28am


Im so heartbroken. I had been doing so good, did not call him for 14 days. Then yesterday I was in a car accident. Arrrg. Everyone is okay, the first thing I thought of was to call him. Its like I didnt even care about the wreck. I called him for advise, he gave it to me and then said call me and let me know what happens. So i called him later last night. And he told me about eveything he's been doing. hes buying a house, hes getting a new job, he's doing everything he wasnt able to do before. The he has thought about me alot. When I first called he stood quiet for a while and said he had just been thinking about me because he was going to buy a house.

When we talked he said he missed me the person but not everything else. That it was just time, he was not ready to commit. That he didnt feel a sick feeling to his stomach, he just felt at peace. That how was I doing, he asked about my family. Geez its only been 2 weeks and he was so lets catch up.

I feel terrible for calling him, my friends say see he was missing you, you should have waited. He would have called. Now I regret this too, im tired of having regrets! I just want to be over this and happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:03pm

lamago...

First...Pianoguy is very very sorry about your auto accident. Hopefully, any physical problems (or damage) that you might have experienced will MEND very quickly?

I'm not so sure about your "emotional problems" though?

I've brought this up in one of your earlier posts, but as long as you PERMIT YOURSELF TO BE HURT....YOU WILL BE! "Expressing regret after you've already done something" is D-U-M-B!

Please use some common sense and FINALLY REALIZE that what the 2 of you had...IS OVER! NADA! FINIS!

Pianoguy

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 12:27pm
Yes, I also heard from a friend awhile ago how my Ex is feeling better and thinks he has had an enlightenment about life since we broke up. Hurts me to hear that, but makes me accept that he really didn't want to be with me. He, too, has accomplished things since we broke up that he couldn't do the whole time we were together. I washed dishes for six years, but now he has gotten a dishwasher for the new woman. Not that washing dishes is a hardship, but it's almost like a slap in the face that he does now what he could have easily done all along.
I also took everything in my life to him, but I am having to use my back-up support folks now instead.
I am on Day 5 of No Contact. He e-mailed me yesterday and said he needs to tell me something. Well, I deleted it without opening it because he can leave me a phone message or get more to the point if he really needs something. My daughter said he is just trying to bait me into communicating. I am trying to be strong. It is so hard. I was very upset when I got the e-mail and my mind started imagining all sorts of things. But now I feel I am in control of myself and my feelings. That is a good feeling!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2006
In reply to: lamago
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 12:30pm

I wish that I could gain control of my feelings. Im just sad all the time. Im not so up and down like I used to be b/f i called him. I still had some hope I guess. But after knowing he was over me in 2 wks its like, (Damn why did I call him) Im just sad all the time. I dont want to go to sleep b/c then I have to wake up to another long day. My friends are tired of hearing about it, but im just sad. I cant believe its over, how do you stop the regrets? (take it easy on me Pianoguy) I make up ways for us to have a re-encounter and I remember little things about him I loved, I miss him so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
In reply to: lamago
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 1:13pm

Hang in there, this is a tough, long process. But you can do it. Don't beat yourself up about calling, it happens. It's just now you have to pick up where you left off.

My suggestion, and I've tried this myself, is to replace the 'missing him' thoughts with bad ones. It might sound demented, but someone else on this board mentioned the "thought-stopping" technique (look it up). It's like every time you feel sad or miss him- stop yourself and replace the thought with all the reasons why he wasn't right for you, the crappy things he did, etc. It's not super easy, but if you keep doing it over and over, you'll begin to see more clearly. I'm not saying you should wipe out all your good memories of the relationship, just try not to focus on how great it was (because it ended for a reason).

I feel sad a lot too knowing my ex has moved on with someone else and sometimes reminding myself of the garbage I went thru with him helps bring me back to reality.

good luck to you!

Avatar for memphisstars
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lamago
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 2:01pm

I, too, have a great underlying sadness, and every morning I wake up and the first thing that pops into my mind is he is with another woman. So, when I said I had control of my feelings, I meant only for a couple of hours! But I am getting there very slowly, inch by inch.

I am now in my angry period, angry that he treated me poorly at times, angry that he is happy now with someone else, angry that I allowed myself to stay with him so long. But this is a necessary stage in healing because it reminds me that I am important and I have a right to be angry. It is bucking up my self-esteem. When I think of all the things I miss, I try to replace that with a remembrance of a time he was awful to me.

When you get some distance in time, you will realize you can only control what is now before you, which is your own life and your own feelings. I can't control what he does or feels....but I do hope the karma train will visit him soon!