Terrible Tomorrow
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| Tue, 07-25-2006 - 3:53am |
I know I have written about this already but now its here really! I see him tomorrow. It has been about 2 and a half weeks that we have broken up and about 2 weeks since contact and tomorrow I will see him for the first time since then, tomorrow I sit in a lecture theatre with him for 3 hours. I feel I have done so well, spending time with friends and family, going out and actually having fun not just pretending to, I have re-decorated my room and it looks fantastic, I have found some old friends again. I just feel like tomorrow, when I walk into that room and see him, or worse, stand next to him waiting to go in, all that hard work will be gone. I am going to break I can feel it. I'm not ready to see him. Today I had my only class without him, and that whole university reminds me of him, our little secret places, our coffee shop, everything ours. I was always with him at uni, it's our place, it reminds me of him. Today was painful just being there but tomorrow I actually have to see him.
I will get ready for three hours and make sure I look good without looking like i tried haha. I will see him and I will say hello and that is all. I will act, I will act happy, I will sit with my friends and laugh and act happy, and TRY to concentrate on the lecture. And then I will probably go into the toilets afterward and cry.
I am strong! I am independent! I can do this, I did this, i wanted more for myself but it's still just going to be so hard. He will ask for his stuff back tomorrow, what should i do? I don't want to bring it to uni so that everyone sees we are exchanging stuff. I don't know what to do.
Thanks to everyone who has replied to my earlier discussions your words of encouragement honestly help. Tomorrow is my biggest test so far, then thing is, even when I get through tomorrow then I have the next day, then the next, then next week. Ahhh. I need strength. Wish me luck, give me strength, we all go through it, I have to get through it.
Strength strength strength strength

Giving you strength, giving you strength, giving you strength......
You will get through it. I think everyone is stronger than they think. Just breath.
Someone on these boards, I believe it was Grrl_Genius said, "Fake it til you make it". So fake being happy and fine around him, and one day you really will be.
As for his stuff, ask him if you can drop it off somewhere like at a friend's place or something and then he can pick it up there, so you don't have to exchange it in person.
I wish you luck and let us know how it went.
~Amber~
Oh, duh ... (slaps self on forehead) of course! She is there to LEARN after all. Then again, I can't imagine being able to concentrate only three weeks afer a breakup. I think I was still pretty shook up at that point and would not have been happy if I had to sit with my ex in a room, no matter how big it was.
The lecture could be a good focal point, IF the prof isn't too boring.