Thank You
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Thank You
| Thu, 06-16-2005 - 12:43pm |
I just want to thank you all for responding to my post of yesterday "Hurting after Contact". I'm so emotional these days I almost starting balling at how many of you responded and cared enough to share your thoughts and experiences. I KNOW for sure now that the contact must stop NOW for me to heal properly. I'm so scared and I know it's going to be one of the hardest things I've ever done, as I think one of you mentioned that too, but it HAS to be. I've only been getting a few hours of sleep each night and feel so physically ill I know I can't keep this up. I wish I could fast forward through time, but no such luck : ( Again many thanks to all for your help through this awful, painful, horrible experience.

ka1964...
PG (and so many other ivillagers who contribute to this board) knows exactly what you're going through.
ka1964,
I haven't been on here for a few days, so I missed your original post. After reading your thank you, however, I went back and read it. I am glad that I did, because I am in the same situation that you are. My fiance and I cancelled the engagement in december, and tried the friend thing through the beginning of february. At that point he began dating someone new, which i was ok with...I pushed it in fact. I wanted us to both move forward, but we both wanted to remain friends. This relationship escalated very quickly though...he met her on feb. 6th and was married to her on march 12th. Talk about OUCH! That wasn't something I was ready for...he moved WAY too quickly, in my opinion he did it so that he didn't have to hurt about our breakup (we were together for 7 years). Regardless, she was jealous of me and my friendship with him, so he cut off contact with me at her request. (After his discussion that we'd ALWAYS be friends and any girl he ever was with had to deal with it). After his "no contact" rule, I stopped. And i went through a lot of depression, sleeping, sad, crying, etc. until I finally got over it.
Just as I was beginning to date again I received a phone call from him. He came back into my life...he thought we could start becoming friends again. At first I told him i wasn't ready for that, then I thought maybe i could handle it. Let me tell you...it didn't go well. The wife was still uncomfortable with us being friends and even though, once again, he said she'd have to "deal with it" he took that back again. This time though he felt it was okay to come to my house at 2am while she was asleep to talk to me about his problems with her....but i couldn't call him. I didn't find that fair that I could be his friend when he needed it, but he wasn't there for me when I needed it. I finally got sick of that and told him off one day....that he can't contact me if i can't contact him. Being who I am I felt terribly guilty for it, i felt horrible for "hurting him" and I am once again going through the depression, crying, sleeping, etc. I never would've thought that it would hurt that much the second time around, but it does. And I am more than sure it will continue to hurt if I keep letting him in and out of my life. I have to keep reminding myself that he moved on...and he's "happy" with his wife...and even when he's not it doesn't change anything because time and again he used the word "divorce", and threatened it to her, but I know in my heart he'd never go through with it.
Anyway, I'm sorry for rambling....I've been dealing with this so long that it felt good to hear that I'm not the only person going through this. And I just wanted you to know that you are also not the only one going through this. Thank you for your posts. I hope this has helped you in some way. Take care, and be strong....we WILL get through this.
~jen
ka,
As hard as it is, the no contact is the only way to go for now! You realize what it's doing to you physically and emotionally which is really the first step.
You WILL stop hurting... it may take a long while, but you will. Everyone is here for you whenever you need to vent, so don't forget that okay? We all know just how you're feeling.
Please take the best care of yourself!
{{{HUG}}}
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"You get what you settle for"...
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"You get what you settle for"...