Is there a chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2007
Is there a chance?
2
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 12:25pm
My boyfriend of four months broke up with me because he said he couldn't handle my issues. I have been depressed lately and have self esteem issues and I've been going through some drama with friends and I guess I felt too close too soon and revealed too much that scared him off, making him think I was emotionally unstable. We're both 18 and this is the first relationship for both of us so I don't think he knows totally how to handle relationships and neither do I. I still really like him and I think he was honest in what he said about him still liking me but not being strong enough to deal with this heavy stuff. I want him back and I want to prove to him that he underestimated my emotional stability--yes I have some issues but I think most people do. I don't want to look desperate but I need him to know that I feel bad about being a burden on him and if I could have it to do over again, I would keep my drama and issues separate from our relationship. Do you think there's any chance of him reconsidering and do u have any advice on how I can approach this better?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 4:03pm

poprocksluv...

It would be really easy for PG to say "gosh you're only 18 and the man who broke up with you is the first serious b/f you've ever had!"

However...

Pianoguy suggests that you head for the nearest card shop...and pick out a sincere (but not mushy) friendship card! Write a short note inside which indicates how important your b/f is to you and that there's a major void in your life without him. Let the man know that you're working on your emotional problems and won't 'crowd him!' But emphasize that his friendship and understanding will "speed the healing process along!"

Your b/f might need a little more convincing than just a card. But if you're honest about your feelings WITHIN YOURSELF...perhaps he'll eventually give you and the relationship you've shared...another chance?

Just don't expect 'miracles' overnight....okay?

Sincerest wishes for an eventual reconciliation between you both!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 4:40pm

There might be a chance, but it's not going to happen over night. He's going to have to see a change with his own eyes. But that doesn't mean you change to get him or to keep him, it means you change because you really want to, because you need to, because now that you have identified your issues, you work on them.

The first 3-6 months of a relationship most people are on their 'best behavior' and the 'real' person comes out sometime after. So you've shown him how caught up you are with your friend's drama, how insecure you are based on the self-esteem you project, and that you are depressed. He can't fix any of that by being with you or staying with you and if you look to him to fill that void, to be the person you look to for happiness, joy, security, self-esteem, well, that's a huge responsibility to place on his shoulders.

What do you get out of hanging out with friends that has 'drama'?

Are you willing to work on you for you? By going to short term counseling to work on the self-esteem and depression? Reading a few good self-help books to get inside your head and know what makes you tick?

Reading material to consider:
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – David D. Burns, MD
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse

Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis
The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz

My best to you on your path of self-discovery.


Carrie