There is Hope, Believe Me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
There is Hope, Believe Me!
5
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 12:20am

Hello everyone,

I haven't posted here since a couple of years ago. I have been reading many of your heartbroken post and I have felt much of your pain with you.

Last November 2005, my ex bf broke up with me. We have known each other and have dated on and off but not seriously for 8 years. Mostly just stayed friends during the years. But the last two years before he broke up with me, we were very serious. We were even engaged. Anyway, to make a long story short. He broke up with me due to my insecurities. I was very insecure and found a certain type of security within my life by micro managing his life and controlling him. I take full of responsibility of our breakup. But also, there were a few things that he did that caused my insecurity to trigger but I will still take the full responsibility.

Anyway, I was very desparate to get him back. I tried everything from begging him, sending hundreds of emails, texts, etc..... But the more I tried, the more he resisted. He even posted on his personal message board hurtful messages such as; "Move on K, Why would I want to be with a nutjob?" Just hurtful things that hurt me.

But haven't you ever gotten one of those deep feelings that your ex is just the one for you and no one can replace him. Well, that is how I felt. I never gave up on him. Although he resisted me, I just kept someone in contact. I would text him like once a week little messages such as "I care for you" and/or short emails just expressing my feelings in a non committal way...just as friends. I did this for a long time. He finally came around and we would meet here and there for lunch. But he was still stand offish and happy with single life. We probably met about 3 times from the time we broke up last November til now. But I never gave up and just showed my composure and slowly earned his trust back.

Well ladies, it's October 2006, and I like to report that we are back together. We are stronger than ever. Things are different but they are a good different. I don't find the need to control him and we both feel very free with each other. Have you ever heard people say that "If you give them freedom, you will them more and more" It's true.....

All, I can say is if you feel that your ex is everything you want, never ever give up. My motto is that "the only way to get what you want is to be persisant and consistant. Just keep going and never give up on your dreams. But always remember, everything in moderation. You never ever want to over burden yourself with texts, emails, calls, etc...simply spread them out within time. But always remain true to yourself.

Believe me, there is hope!!!!!!

Many hugs,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:28am

That's a wonderful story! COngrats to you!

I am in a similar boat. My BF and I are on a "break." I moved out a month ago and we see eachother about once a week. I was really hurt by the phone calls that went unanswered, and lack of initiation on his part, but I do love him, he is a guy and this is how he deals with it. I email him now about once every few days--the last email I sent just said that I look forward to seeing him this week and I hope his shows are a success and that I love him lots. That was it. I did call last night, no return phone call (I needed his drill), anyhow, I do love him, and I am persistent. I moved here to be with him, and at one point we were so much in love we talked marriage. We just started fighting over silly things, and I did let my loneliness/insecurity affect our happiness. I depended on him quite a bit for everything.

I am not about to let him go though. I have to believe he still loves me. It's only been a month and since we have been on break, I have seen him twice and it went well both times. He is stepping back a little, I am hanging on.

Any other advice you have, I 'd love to hear : ) COngrats again!

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 1:50pm

Ah, I needed that.

My ex and I have been broken up 6 months now, and it was for reasons that I understand and accept. We are very, very young. He's 22, I'm 21. We were together 4.5 years. He broke it off because he didn't want to be in a relationship right now, is trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life....

We did no contact for a month then we started talking on the phone again, then 3 months after the break up, we started hanging out as friends, and we now see eachother about every 10 days. We have a sort of understanding between us that we're hanging out, being friends (which we were before dating), and see where it takes us. Neither one of us is ready to be in a relationship again, and as my ex says "I need to get my crap together".

I had a very confusing weekend where I started doubting, my own insecurities being raised for me. I've now calmed down and doing much better.

But anyway, thanks for sharing your story I definitely needed that as I believe my ex is my ONE. And we both still have feelings for eachother we have admitted this to eachother, he has even told me I'm perfect and he didn't know what was wrong with him.

Thanks again.

~Amber

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:03pm
WOW AMAZING...I WISH YOU LUCK....I HOPE THAT SOON BOTH OF YOU GET MARRY AND HAVE A WONDERFUL LIFE...I'M JUST CURIOUS..HOW OLD R YOU?...I'M THINKING MAYBE THATS WHY YOU GUYS GET BACK TOGETHER COZ BOTH OF YOU ARE MATURED...KNOWS TO HANDLE THINGS...COMPARE TO OTHER....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 3:24pm
Yours was a good story to hear. Part of me feels like I really need to let go and admit that it has to be over. Another part of me feels just like you said, that something way down in me says "no way, stick it out". I have a little plan of no contact combined with occasional contact on holidays and other important days. We were together three years and then engaged. He broke it off and started seeing someone else, but I really feel like he's just running scared and afraid of commitment. He asked me not to give up on him and I really don't want too. Your story gives me hope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 12:39am

Thank you everyone for your well wishes.

Like I said, it's a whole process. It's about never giving up on your dreams. I can't express it more than that. If you truly believe your ex is your soulmate and is worth working for than be consistant and persistant and making them feel loved. But remember in moderation. Just show them that you are selfless and just a caring person. And most of all, no matter how bumpy the road seems, it does get better......just hang on and ride along......you'll see what I mean soon enough.

Best wishes to all of you.

Hugs,