Is there someone right for me??
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| Wed, 10-18-2006 - 10:11pm |
Hi-
First post, but have been reading a lot of the threads...makes me realize I am not alone in all this! My bf and I recently broke up-- we were together for the last year and a half, but have known each other for the last four and dated casually before we got serious last year. Ever since I met him, he has always had a "hold" on me...that one person that I always wanted to be with, so when we finally starting dating last year it was like a wish come true. We were long distance for most of it (i.e. across the country) but still managed to make it work. We definitely have had our problems though....my ex is they type of person that is always 100% who he is and is not willing to change for anyone (he is what he is and you either could deal with it or you couldn't). Comprimise was sometimes a stretch for him as well. He is a great guy, but one that doesn't always communicate that well. Also, he was unsure if he ever wanted to get married or have a family. I am only 26 and am not ready for either of these, but think that I do want them some day. The break-up was completely out of the blue for me....he has a lot of family issues going on right now and is really struggling as a result of it. To make a long story short, he decided that right now he can't be in a relationship. This was devestating to me. I had hope that we would be able to get through it, but based on a conversation we had last week I now have no hope that we'll ever be back together. I know that I need to move on and finally get over him once and for all (ever since I met him I have never dated anyone else), but it is so scary to think that I might never find anyone else. I wanted us to work so badly and I thought that we were going to...somehow I thought we'd just figure it out. We've always had this relationship that no one ever really understood, but we had this connection that worked for us. B/c that is now gone, I find myself struggling to have hope that I will find someone else. I am not the kind-of girl that needs to be with someone, but it is definitely something that I want. I hate the fact that I am alone right now. Please help!

Hi, welcome to the boards.
I think everyone who has gone through a break-up goes through the whole "will I ever find someone else to love me" phase, I know I did.
My situation is really similar to yours in that my ex was going through a lot of stuff and just didn't want to be in a relationship right now, even though he cried, told me he loved me, and that he wished it could be different.
I initiated no contact for a month, then when I contacted him again, we started talking about once every 2 weeks on the phone. It wasn't until three months after we had broken up that we saw eachother for the 1st time. We now see eachother about once a week to every 10 days.
I'm telling you this, because maybe, just maybe you'll have him in your life in some way again.
I do strongly suggest no contact for awhile though, it gives you the time to heal yourself.
Take this time to work on yourself, lean on family and friends. One thing that worked for me was writing letters to him, but then throwing them away or burning them. It helped me get everything I was feeling out and then throwing them away or burning them was like therapy.
If you and your ex are meant to be it will happen and nothing will stop it from happening.
Like you and your ex, my ex and I have always had a connection that no one could explain, we've known eachother 6 years and we dated for 4.5 years.
If you and your ex never get back together, there is someone else out there for you. Trust that, have FAITH in that. It took me awhile to believe that, but now I do. No one is meant to be alone.
~Amber
havealittlefaith1...
First...Pianoguy would like YOU to repeat your ivillage user name several times.
Once you've done this, keep in mind that you're a 26-year old woman and that LIFE DOESN'T END AT 26! As a matter of fact, YOUR life has just begun.
I'm sure you were pretty devastating when your 'one and only serious b/f' decided to end things, but break-ups usually happen for a reason! Even though you pointed out that the LDR factor wasn't a problem...I'll bet it was? Constant separation from someone you love can really play with your head...not to mention your heart?
Personally...I'd be a little nervous if the woman I was in love with...REFUSED to bend when it came to any sort of change! Simply because...that would leave me in the position of doing all the compromising...or losing her?
ALL RELATIONSHIPS (from dating to marriage to FWB) ONLY WORK WHEN EACH PARTNER CAN HAVE HIS (OR HER) WAY ONCE IN AWHILE?
Maybe I'm a little naive here, but I have a hunch your social life will improve VERY SOON?
Just give yourself 'permission' to let the changes happen....gradually.....OKAY?
Pianoguy
I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this but I think your ex and my ex must be twins because you just described my ex to the tee. To answer your question, yes, you will find someone else but the key is to not concentrate on that right now but to concentrate on healing your heart and a rebound love isn't the way to do it. My ex and I have been apart for a little over 4 months and there are still days where the pain is unbearable which tells me that I am not ready to date yet. What has helped me (besides posting on this board) is to spend a TON of time with friends and family and don't worry about what the ex is doing (really, who cares?). Weekends are the toughest so start making plans on Monday for the upcoming weekend. Believe me, your friends are going to be your biggest supporters during this painful process. If your friends and family have plans already, splurge a little and go to a day spa then rent a comedy (stay away from the romance stories for awhile). The key is, is that you are a rockin girl and there will be another down the road but you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Since our exe's are so much a like, the one other thing that has helped me get through this is to think about that bad times we had and not the good and this opened up my eyes to see that his lifestyle and personality don't jive with my future.
Take care of you!
The one thing that I do to help me from being so overwhelmed by my break up is to spend a lot of time with my friends and with my daughter. I have a 6 year old daughter and she has seen me go through this heartbreak which I tried my best to keep it from her but at times I couldn't and that is also painful since Moms are supposed to be so strong around their kids.
My friends have been my biggest supporters during this painful experience and they are the ones I have been leaning on the most. I also live in the Midwest and at times I feel that I won't find someone right for me since I am mostly surrounded by families but I just try to keep my head up each day and think positive and keep telling myself this is HIS loss not mine.
I wish you the best and the days will get better, I promise you that.