There's nothing I can do now...
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| Sat, 11-20-2004 - 9:12pm |
Hi everyone this is my first time on messageboards but I feel that maybe someone could help me feel better or put things into perspective for me.
Ok my whole situation started in April of this year when I broke it off with my b/f of over a year. I did this just so I could have some time to work on myself after going through a mini depression. I started treating everyone around me like crap and I knew he shouldn't be treated that way if we were together-hence the spilt. Well although it was tough we stayed in close contact as if we were just casually dating....going out maybe once of twice a month. We did this through August and he still had deep feelings for me as I did for him but I didn't want to rush anything so we just stayed friends. At the end of August we both started school and became busy...so busy in fact that he thought I no longer cared and didn't have time for me. We continue to talk and I asked him one day in Oct. to go do something and he lays the whole thing of "I've been seeing someone" on me. Well I burst out in tears from the shear fact that I started developing strong intense feelings for him before he told me this but we never got together to talk about it yet. Anyways after I stop crying I tell him that I love him so much and don't understand how his feelings changed so fast when I was his entire world...He told me that he really likes this girl and anything with me would be a risk. He also said he was numb inside and didn't know his true feelings. The next week he tells me that she loves him and he thinks he loves her (granted a month in the relationship). Going on to this past Sunday....he came over and he was acting really weird and was teary eyed. He wrapped his arms around me and we just sat there embraced on the couch for a long time....when I kissed him and it kinda led to other things. Afterwards he said it felt wrong and that told him that he doesn't have any feelings for me....I think its b/c he cheated on the gf. Anyways he hasnt called, emailed, texted me since. Whats going on......I feel like I am stuck b/c I am head over heels in love with him like I was when we first started going out and there's nothing I can do.

You are going to have to heal your heart on this one.... you were just friends, never had a conversation about seeing other people, until he sprang it on you, never talked about getting back together and you never talked about being exclusive again, right? Now you have to grieve for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been.
I'm going to make some comments about your post, breaking them down, as nicely as possible, just food for thought....
::Ok my whole situation started in April of this year when I broke it off with my b/f of over a year. I did this just so I could have some time to work on myself after going through a mini depression. I started treating everyone around me like crap and I knew he shouldn't be treated that way if we were together-hence the spilt.
I've never understood the 'breaking up' to go through something on your own...I mean if you are in a relationship, that is long-term, then the two of you should work through it together and offer each other support. A change in location or a change in status doesn't usually make things better.
::Well although it was tough we stayed in close contact as if we were just casually dating....going out maybe once of twice a month.
Casually dating, but no one said, this means we can see other people?
::We did this through August and he still had deep feelings for me as I did for him but I didn't want to rush anything so we just stayed friends.
So he had no clue how you felt and you didn't care to enlighten him, you hid your true feeling for him because you were afraid to rush into anything? So basically, he felt hurt/rejected and didn't talk about it either, is my guess.
::At the end of August we both started school and became busy...so busy in fact that he thought I no longer cared and didn't have time for me.
Either of you put a priority on the relationship at this point, and since he had deep feelings, but felt rejected, he probably started meeting other people at school and started dating and didn't tell you about it.
::We continue to talk and I asked him one day in Oct. to go do something and he lays the whole thing of "I've been seeing someone" on me. Well I burst out in tears from the shear fact that I started developing strong intense feelings for him before he told me this but we never got together to talk about it yet. Anyways after I stop crying I tell him that I love him so much and don't understand how his feelings changed so fast when I was his entire world...
It wasn't a change so fast - it was slowing down, being an item, to casual dating, to you wanting to take it slow and not rush, to being busy with school, meeting others, feeling the rush of romance with someone else.
::He told me that he really likes this girl and anything with me would be a risk.
I think he's right to worry about the risk with you.
::He also said he was numb inside and didn't know his true feelings.
So now he's conflicted when you express your love, something he's been waiting for, but it didn't happen before he got involved with someone else.
:: Going on to this past Sunday....he came over and he was acting really weird and was teary eyed. He wrapped his arms around me and we just sat there embraced on the couch for a long time....when I kissed him and it kinda led to other things. Afterwards he said it felt wrong and that told him that he doesn't have any feelings for me....I think its b/c he cheated on the gf.
That could very well be....he's feeling guilty for cheating on her. And he should.
::Anyways he hasnt called, emailed, texted me since. Whats going on......
He's made his choice.
::I feel like I am stuck b/c I am head over heels in love with him like I was when we first started going out and there's nothing I can do.
Sorry you have to go through this. I wish you all the best on your healing path.
Carrie
It seems that you were kinda going off the idea of having him as your partner, months ago. you have both been busy building separate lives, and surely you didn't think this situation could last forever.
So he has met someone new, someone he wants to spend time with, and yes, has feelings for. I am sure he does feel extremely confussed, and does still have feelings for you, but the reality is, would you have felt like you had fallen for him all over again if he had not met someone else?
It is common to want something more, when it seems to be moving away from us.
Let him go, remember the good times you had, but let yourself move on, recognise this as a lesson. Then hopefully the next person you meet, you won't always be too busy to see.
Sorry if this all sounds a bit harsh, good luck...
Debbie