they r engaged
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| Mon, 08-13-2007 - 9:13pm |
after finding out that my ex who i went out with for four years and was engaged to for 1 cheated on me we broke up and I've been actually dealing with it very well but then i found out they are having a baby and they have only been together 5 months and she is 4 months pregnant. ANd she 18 and he's 22. Now i find out they r engaged, i know its only cus shes pregnant. I just don't get how he can get out of one serious relationship and go right go right to another. It just hurts when i find this stuff out. I just think about how he gets to spend time with someone, and he thinks he's happy. He wanted a kid he always talked about it with me, and he's the type of guy that cus she having his kid he thinks shes the love of his life. Its been 5 months that we have been broken up and I just want to spend time with someone but i havent meet anyone yet. I know five months isnt that long but it just sucks when i know hes with someone, and i'm not. It just feels unfair he cheated on me and gets to be happy and I have to suffer. well any advice would help thanks

So he's my age with a kid on the way, possibly no steady income engaged to someone that DEFINITELY isn't having a steady income. He's virtually pushed off or destroyed any plans she might have for the future by getting her pregnant. He's happy now because he 'got what he wanted'. The funny thing is..sometimes we truly don't know what we're asking for. And when we get it, we're sadly mistaken. The reality of what's happening hasn't caught up with him yet, which is why he's estatic.
But all in all, none of him or his life matters. At all. Everything you're doing now to move on is an investment into a more fulfilling relationship in the future. He gets his rewards now, you're building up for something bigger. Akin to sometimes when you look at people in school. There were people who never studied and went out every single day. And there were those who studied hard every night and put in the work. I got accepted into medical school this year...my partying friends? They didn't even land an interview. You reap what you sow. Let him have his kicks now, you're building up for bigger fish.
And on the bright side, I suppose you could be in Hilary Duff's position right now. Not only has her ex 'moved on' and is expecting a baby with his new girlfriend, she has to read it unfold everytime she goes grocery shopping. Enough to make you go crazy.
cheers
Susanna
Edited 8/13/2007 11:19 pm ET by unicornssong
I am sorry you are going through this. It will get better. Don't think abut what he has and you don't having a baby is very complicated and who knows if he is going to stick around for her during late night feedings, diaper changes, etc. They are very young and have not been together long enough to form a solid relationship. He is already proven he is a cheater, it sounds like you dodged a bullet.
I know it doesn't feel that way now, but trust me it will. You need to worry about your plans for the future and not about the fact that you are single and alone. Think about your life and what you want to do, school, hobbies, friends, etc. I have been independent for years, if there is a guy or not, I have pets, I started running and I am learning to ride a bicycle, something I haven't done in years. I also went back to school. I think it's a new approach for me. I went through several breakups and was treated very badly. Now I feel it's all up to me. I want my life to be happy and fun and if someone comes along who wants to share it with me, great. If not, I'll be able to say I had a great life anyway.
Hi izzy5555,
Everything you feel is normal.... but being engaged and having a baby on the way doesn't mean he's HAPPY. It means you *think* he's happy. You *think* he's getting to experience something that you wanted.
A similair thing happened to me from my previous break-up. We were together for five years, lived together, had dogs, etc. Well, he was cheating on me, we broke up. He then ended up marrying her and they had a child. All in a year's time. He contacted me about five months ago. He is now divorced. I assume b/c he probably cheated on her.
But when this happened to me, I also thought what you think. It is not fair, I played by the books, he cheated and he is the one that is happy. But here is the deal, you do not know that he is happy. Anyone that has to cheat is not happy, they are insecure and/or too cowardly to get out of one relationship that they may not be happy with. Most people who are insecure need a significant other to justify their own being. So they tend to be with someone all of the time and are able to jump from one relationship to another, with what seems like ease.
So it stinks for now, but in the end you will be the happy one. Your ex will now be tied down at a young age to a family he may have never even wanted. YOU move on. YOU will be the happy one. The best advise I can tell you is to learn your self-worth (this takes a while, I didn't know mine until I was in my 30's) and never doubt it.