Thinking of Him Even Though Its been a Year

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Thinking of Him Even Though Its been a Year
4
Tue, 12-25-2012 - 8:43pm

It's been 1 year since my ex and I broke up and I have tried dating, each of those dates being bad and trying to get to know guys is even more bad. But I still find myself looking at my ex boyfriend's Facebook and other online profiles every once in a while and it upsets me how I'm having to have such a miserable time in the dating scene worse than when I dated back in high school and he has a new partner and he's all happy go lucky!

I do wish him and I were together again but the way he is now I do not like and wouldn't want him back. Another issue I dislike is that he's friends with another friend of mine and they talk and comment on one another's pages which upsets me.

How can I totally forget about my ex for good? Him and I went out for 3 years and were engaged too. How long is it going to take me to get over this? Please help.

Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Thu, 12-27-2012 - 12:19pm

Probably your dates are only going badly because you're not over your ex. And the best way to get over him is to stop doing things like checking up on his FB page. You need to distance yourself from him or even cut him out of your life completely if you want to emotionally detach from him. The problem is, a part of you obviously doesn't want to let go.

There is no set time of how long it takes to get over someone - everyone is different. So I can not tell you how long it will take to get over this but I CAN tell you that as long as you continue checking his FB activity or otherwise checking up on him, you will not get over this.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 5:23pm

napy666 wrote:
<p>It's been 1 year since my ex and I broke up and I have tried dating, each of those dates being bad and trying to get to know guys is even more bad. But I still find myself looking at my ex boyfriend's Facebook and other online profiles every once in a while and it upsets me how I'm having to have such a miserable time in the dating scene worse than when I dated back in high school and he has a new partner and he's all happy go lucky!</p><p>I do wish him and I were together again but the way he is now I do not like and wouldn't want him back. Another issue I dislike is that he's friends with another friend of mine and they talk and comment on one another's pages which upsets me.</p><p>How can I totally forget about my ex for good? Him and I went out for 3 years and were engaged too. How long is it going to take me to get over this? Please help.</p>

You are going to have to decide if you've had enough of torturing yourself by seeking out his facebook page and reading his exchanges with your friend.  All that it's doing is bringing you pain. Do you enjoy hurting yourself?  You have to get to the point where you love yourself more than how you've been treating yourself for the past year.  Do you like the person you have to become in order to keep this flimsy attachment to him?

It just may be too soon for you to enter into a new dating situation, as you have not allowed yourself to resolve your feelings over your break up.  You may be giving off a vibe that you are not truly available, which you're not, and it's amazing how easily that is picked up on.

The dreams you've had with him about how you thought your life was going to go are all over now, and you have to accept that.  Looking at his facebook page keeps you tethered to him in a very unhealthy way. You are destroying your own self esteem by doing that.

The way you can get past this is to stop willfully putting yourself in the "line of fire". It's time to put him on block on Facebook so that you cannot see his wall and you cannot see what he writes to others.  You will never heal from your break up if you keep exposing yourself to this kind of hurt.

Him moving on and dating again has nothing to do with you and how you're handling your break up.  You have to accept that the way he is conducting himself is on him, not you.  It has no bearing on the type of relationship you two once shared.  It's your choice to keep yourself mired in misery, not his: he is not responsible for where you are today. If he were still in contact with you, jerking you around, then yeah, he'd bear some responsibility for not allowing you to move on, emotionally. But that's not what's going on.  This is all on you, and you're going to have to come to a place where you decide you deserve way better treatment out of yourself than you're currently giving yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 2:03pm

I have tried meeting new guys but every time I find a new guy we talked for a bit then he disappears.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 12-26-2012 - 10:40am

I think a start would be to stop looking at his FB page.  It's natural that you haven't gotten over him since you haven't met anyone else--I think that's when you will really forget about him.  Until then, even if you don't have a BF, try to make a fun social life for yourself so fun doesn't depend on having a date.