Third Time Around

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Third Time Around
5
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 3:42pm

Last year I was with my boyfriend for several months, then he said it was over, then a couple days later he called wanting to be back. We were together for a couple more months and he said he was "done". Both those times I had my heart so broken. I had never had anyone break up with me because I was married for over ten years. I had my heart set on him though and when he called wanting to be friends I agreed and we saw each other as friends. He called before he left to visit his family in another state for Thanksgiving. He asked if he could come over and have a kiss. Well, a kiss turned into more. Boy, is he smooth. He looked at my with those big puppy dog eyes, we kissed, he went down on his knees, kissed my hand, and the rest is history. He stayed the night and left in the morning to see his family. I was a little confused about what this all meant. When he came back I talked to him on the phone and he said he would "still talk to me". Well that set everthing off and I became very upset so he then decided to try this again and see where it goes. Well he has since told me again that it is "over". Not that I really beleive him. I think at some point he will try to call me again. I am more upset this time though because I think he used me because he was tired of being alone and was sexually frustrated. Shame on me. I should have waited until he was more sure of what he wanted and I should have held out on having sex with him. The thing is, though, that he was just so LOVING when we had sex. Three times is more than anyone should have to deal with!

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 4:57pm

Hi

I know you are hurting and I am so sorry to hear about what this guy is doing. I think he is lonely and he does not want anything serious. It is best for you to stay away from him, cut off all the contact with him. Do not beat yourself up over sleeping with him, everyone has weak moments and you probably hoped the two of you would be back together after that.

He has not behaved like such a good guy, when he knew you still had feelings for him and figured he could pretend to come back to you. Do not let him bamboozle you again that he really wants something serious. Do not let him play with your heart ever again. Tell him you cannot be friends with him, b/c you still have feelings for him.

It will be hard to not talk to him, but with time you will feel much better than you are feeling now. Please do it for yourself. Spend time with friends and family and try new things you never did before. Keep yourself busy with school, work, reading, painting, watching movies, going out with friends, listening to music and doing anything else you always wanted to do and you will heal. It will get batter but only if you do not have any contact with him.

If he comes back again, it will be up to you whether you are willing to take yet again another chance at trusting him knowing his history. I think it is best for you to let this one go, b/c you deserve so much better than some guy who is never really sure if he wants to be with you or not. Take care of you, you are special an if he doe not see it, and cannot appreciate you, hey, it's his loss!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 5:08pm
(((Kim)))
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2004
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 5:53pm

It's so hard. Even though I feel angry with him for using me I also sometimes really miss him and just want to have him back. I know he didn't treat me right, but we just had such amazing chemistry. We were happy just to be physically together at first. I think he just doesn't know what he wants. I actually broke down and emailed him today. I did not feel like being yelled at today. He then emailed back that "why couldn't I talk to him like a normal person?". He said he wasn't going to waste his time waiting for a message to pop up. So I then broke down and called him. I just wanted some answers, because shortly before he broke it off he said he was still interested in me. Then the hurt and pain starts all over again. I think I'm healing and getting over him then I talk to him and the other day when I did it I even started looking at my options.

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 1:47am
u got that right girl!!! three times is more than enough of this madman.

KAREN  :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2004
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 7:56am

Dear Kim,

I understand your problem as I also was led to think that my ex was really serious about me when we broke up and made up again.

We broke up because he said he wasn't ready to move in with me and a few days later we got back together and he said he really loved me and was ready to live with me.But 3 months down the line we broke up as he started having big doubts about the possiblity of us living together .

I should have let him go the first time but like you I hoped that he changed and was serious about me.

I just want you to know that you're not alone in this pain and don't beat yourself up because you continued seeing him everytime he came back to you.As after all you're probably a very loving and genuine person,just like me,who would do anything to keep your man !!

There's a saying that says :When one door closes another one opens and I believe that this quote applies to both of us.One day we'll find a predictable guy who will really know what he wants & won't play games with out hearts.!!

Good Luck !!