For those needing hope of healing
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| Sun, 04-15-2007 - 6:59pm |
Well, as some of you read earlier this week, this weekend I returned to the town/area where my ex lives. This was the first time since we broke up 2 months ago. On Friday afternoon my friend called me to tell me something. She had talked to him a couple of days prior to tell him that I was coming up that weekend. He said that he hasn't talked to me in a while (3 weeks NC Go me!) and that I didn't want to be friends..which was a shame..oh anyways he is seeing someone else now. WHAT?! She walked away with out a word and then told me this before I was coming up. Shell shocked I fell to the floor crying, and just plain freaking out....he had replaced me after 2 months...after a year relationship- it was over, and all my hopes of getting together were shattered. So I pulled myself together and drove the 2.5 hours north, a treck I had made for EVERY weekend for 7 months to see him. I was shaking, yes and so many hurt thoughts going through my head. But when I got to see my friends (who know him and the situation, and who I talked to previously on the phone only since the break) and really got to sit down with them and talk about it and analyze it, I started to realize things that people had been saying all along. They were blunt, gave me super insight, and saw the bad qualities in him as well.
What I realized- relationship was one sided, I gave so much of myself and he wouldn't sacrifice anything for me not time (he worked alot and chose things like going to the gym over seeing me or even greeting me as I got up to see him) He has said from the get go that he is on a road in life and nothing is going to make him change his direction....and obiviously he was too selfish to give me time and treat me like a girlfriend should be treated...I gave my all to the relationship, always considering us, and our time, and everything know that all we had was the weekends- but he didn't want to give things up like work or school work to give me ONE NIGHT/DAY a week to have a date or something. I was understanding and realized that it would take time and sacrificed MY HAPPINESS for his. He talked down to me, and always corrected my opinions and my ideas...made me constantly second guess myself and who I am. And I walked on eggshells, never fully expressing myself becuase I was always afraid of losing him and messing up the relationship- because he was so insecure about it because of he told me in Dec. he doubted his ability to be in one.
Anyways there is more that I realized but in a nutshell it was that he was selfish, and just a not nice guy who didn't treat me with respect. Through talking to them I realized that I AM BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM. I deserve MORE that he was willing to give me. He was a drain on my personality, I lost myself due to him and by spending a weekend with my college friends and not having the urge AT ALL to see him/talk to him I realized that I don't need him. In realizing this I have honestly become happy...I can feel it. I feel like I have the whole world ahead of me and that I can find someone that has all the good qualities he did have plus more that he didn't. He doesn't deserve the best of me anymore...and unless he changes (which he has said many times he won't) we will never get back together...and I actually am VERY fine with that.
So for those of you who are struggling, there is hope TRUST me, and to quote a great book, the reason why your relationship ended was because it was broken...it wasn't perfect, something was wrong and you deserve more. Don't give the best of you to someone who doesn't want it nor deserves it, find yourself again, take up a new hobby (I am thinking about learning the guitar) and you will find inner happiness. And trust me, it feels sooo good. And yea I am expecting to have some rough days ahead, but seriously...I know I am climbing uphill now...towards something better.
Good luck!!!!Hope this shed some light!

Thank you for posting this. I'm having a rough day suddenly and feeling like crap but your post helped a little. I'm happy to hear that you are moving on as well.
This is so typical of a self-absorbed self-centered man.
Honestly I have heard this same story a lot, just different names, people, and places. It comes from their insecurities and kinda reads like this: "If I don't have to look at it? then I don't have to see the weakness." So they are the one that really doesn't think of or see themselves in that way, no matter how you try to show or explain it to them, it's like talking to a wall if you try and help.
Lesson here? Never set your priorities around someone who only considers YOU an option....
It's good that you really got to see things as they are, and I am sure that you see more now than you wanted to see at some point, but seeing the truth as it really is, does have a benefit, it offers you a bit of strengthening resolve that you can use to help yourself to let go and to move on.
Best to you, you GO girl!
Doug
That must have been hard, even the drive up probably made you real sad...all those memories of seven months..devoted to him going back to where it all happened. just remembering all the memories you all shared in that city..that when you are there, or even driving there, you have so many memories of you two....mine was a ldr...i have to fly there soon, for work, and i am just dreading it, cause i know memories are going to come up..of the airport he used to always get me at..just the darn city he lived in..crushes me...crushes...i am proud of you to take a mature look at it, and you see him for how he is..that is great advice....that helps..you are strong..and one day soon..you will meet someone who will not feel it so easy to move on so quickly..stay strong..
Bella
Yea it was hard, I couldn't listen to the radio at all on the way up, I knew it would make me sad, so I called friends and talked on the phone the whole 2.5 hour way up (i know, driving while on the cell is stupid but it's a bad habbit) but it helped to talk about things that didn't involve him. And it was hard seeing "our restaurant" where we both work/ed at and met. He was working that night and I couldn't even go near it...I was freaking out that somehow we would just walk out of there and see me....but as the night went on and I talked to my girls who still work there and with him, they made me see who he really is...it wasn't me trying to convince everyone where I live now that he was a nice guy who was just being a jerk towards me....no he IS a jerk that comes off as a nice guy and since they know him, they saw this.
Good luck with your flight, and just zone out to a movie or something, read a book and try not to think about him. I know you can do it! I am proof of that! Keep up your strength too!!!