For those whose EX is with another girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
For those whose EX is with another girl
5
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 7:13pm
Isnt it crazy? I think about him all day long. I dont cry anymore. Ist been over a week since I seen him for mystuff. It seems like a month. And i have more stuff to get as well but i will not go back. Its all replaceable. Expensive but replaceable. I want to call him to get my stuff But i know now he has been with this girl for almost a month A MONTH! Day one after the breakup. And I can not bare to speak to him even if hes nice. I know it will throw me back. SO I guess its not worth it to call for it. I still have his key as well. He hasnt called for it. I want to just chuck it somewhere. I know my best bet is NO CONTACT at all for good. I dont want to go back and have to wait another three weeks to get "here" again. ANd ugh i know the feeling i will have when i see him knowing the man i once loved thought of as the one 3 1/2 yrs is loving someone else. And has no interest in me. She cuddles with my dog Sleeps in my bed holds my lover's hand. I think about him all the time. But now its with a dull pain. Is that ok? Are you the same? I mean hes just constantly in the back of my head even when I am out and its been over three weeks. Even if i fill my day he is still there...Are we all like that. I cant wait till it just gets to periods of time instead of constant like it is now.
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 7:28pm
I also think about my ex every day, usually when I wake up and right before I go to sleep but pretty much he's in the back of my mind, on and off all day long. And I've had no contact for nearly six weeks now ... and our relationship only lasted a year. So I think it's totally normal that you're still feeling this way after only three weeks. I also think that the fact that he's already with someone makes it harder. But you will get over this. The thoughts of him will decrease eventually. Feeling sad and thinking about him often is part of the grieving process. You will recover and you will love again. Hang in there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 10:05pm
thanks I needed to hear that. Yesterday I went out with friends to a lake swimming had a great time. But I left and instantly i felt horrible actually cried a bit. Not because i want him back but because i miss him and i feel this void. Everyone says to "fill" your day but it hasnt really helped me. In the beginning it did. Now it doesnt make a diff. I think about him all day. I wonder if men are the same I wonder if he thinks of me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 3:27am

I've been following your posts now for a few weeks, even if I don't respond to them - too caught up in my own grief sometimes maybe.

yes - that's the way it is. It's been 3 weeks for me too (June 26th? did we split on the same day?) and I still think of my ex ALL THE TIME. All the f-ing time. I hate it. Wish I could think of something else. I too have tried 'filling my days' and it's no good because whenever something funny or interesting happens, my first impulse is to tell him about it. Even 3 weeks later. I hate that.

I wish I knew how to 'fill the void' you mentioned. I have the same void. It gets easier with time I think - I'm no longer up all night - every night - feeling pensive and sad. Maybe I'm up an extra hour or two feeling that way, but not all night and I'll take it.

I'll take an extra hour or two over all night. Baby steps.

Maybe we're being too hard on ourselves - I too want to be done with this - feel something other than sad and lonely. (My ex IM'd me today - first contact in exactly 3 weeks, but that's another post - this is about you. He said somethings that I wanted to hear but didn't say anything that really helped me 'move forward' in any direction)

I don't know if guys are like us. I don't think they are. I think they simply see relationships differently from us. I think they can move on faster or supress their grief or something. My theory is that they're conditioned so early to not be emotional that they don't necessarily know how to feel the loss like we do. I don't know. I know my ex has thought of me - I know he has missed having me around. I know all that now. But he's progressing 'differently' than I am in letting the relationship go. Not good, not bad, just differently.

I really have no advice for you here other than to tell you that I'm going through the same kind of thing you are - feeling the same things, so you're not alone in this. Reeeaaallly not alone.

Post soon and often.

L

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 11:02am
Hey ladies I totally feel your pain. It's been over w/ my ex now for almost 5 months, 4 months of absolute no contact. Like you all, within 2 weeks he was in a relationship, not just seeing but actually really serious with another girl and I was completely torn apart again. I will say time does make things better but I too do still think about him all the time. Just one of those in the back of your mind, remembering all the good times kind of thing. I still miss him and miss what we could of been but I've also finally be able to get excited about the possibility of being with someone new. It takes a while but slowly but surely things get better. I am finally able to date again and even started to very casually see a guy. I definitly am not ready to jump into a serious relationship but at least i'm not breaking down all the time anymore. I actually can't remember the last time I cried about him. I was with my ex a year & 1/2 and he was my first real relationship and first love so of course its gonna take time. It just makes it harder when they move onto someone else to quickly and easily. Makes it seem like they never really cared about you at all doesnt it? My only advice that got me through all of it was fill up your days, take up a new hobby, I started doing hot yoga and its been amazing, not only for learning to control my thoughts and find peace in my mind but also great workout for the body. Your friends are there for you so go out with them, spend time with them. Try not to talk about the ex to much because if your like me it only makes me sad. Yes I still get that sinking feeling in my stomach when someone brings up his name, or that school starts again soon and I will see him, but I know that I am strong and will end up coming out of the situation a better person. Good luck ladies I wish you all the best. Eventually we will find men that are worthy of us!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2006
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 12:31pm
If you are concerned about how you will react to his new GF when you pick your things up, make an appointment with him and then take a police wo/man with you to pick up your things.
Also take some friends to help you move your hings out, the police will not assist you that way. They are there to keep the peace.