Thought I Was Doing Well
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| Mon, 03-28-2005 - 2:38pm |
I was afraid the weekend was going to be tough to get through. Since my bf and I live together in the suburbs and share one vehicle, it can be somewhat difficult to get away from one another. Friday night and Saturday were both fine. He went out with friends both nights and I watched a bunch of DVDs. We spent most of our time apart, but the time we did spend together was not dramatic or tense in any way, it felt like we were just roommates or friends. And I think that was the cause of the setback.
Sunday I woke up and just kind of freaked out a little. I wanted to know what I had done wrong that made him want to end things, I wanted to know if he wanted to date other people, if he still loved me, if he would miss me, etc. etc. I knew I was being needy and annoying and pushing him over the edge, but I didn't even care. He was very polite, answered all of my questions honestly and was as caring as he could be, but I just kept pushing. Ugh, it was awful. After literally hours, I tried taking a break. I went to the dog park, did a little shopping, anything to help my mind stop going nuts. But I always found more questions to ask. I thought that if I could get everything off of my mind and have him answer every question, I would feel better. But I don't. I just feel insecure and weak for not being able to control myself.
Oh well, I was expecting to have a couple of setbacks. I'm just going to try to get away from him/the house as much as possible right now since I obviously have a tough time being around him. I wish I could fast forward a few months so the pain is a little more dull. I'm just going to have to stay as strong as I can until then.
| Mon, 03-28-2005 - 9:35pm |
