Three Weeks gone by ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
Three Weeks gone by ...
3
Thu, 03-01-2007 - 7:03pm
My boyfriend and I broke up three weeks ago. Yes, that is right before valentine's day and my birthday, the 16th. Anyways, we had been fighting a lot and finally we both decided that we needed to talk. He was pretty wishy washy about the whole thing and I finally said, look, I can't live in limbo, so I guess we should just break up. Clearly, it was hard for him too, he even cried and that's unlike him. We talked almost everyday, b/c I would call him, crying, trying to understand. Essentially, he doesn't want a relationship, b/c he's only 20 (I'm 21), and he doesn't really want to "have to" do things, like "have to" call someone when he gets off work, etc. Part of me is really mad about this and part of me thinks it's the right thing, b/c do I really want a guy who isn't going to treat me that well? Such as, make time for me, invite ME out rather than me asking him, etc. Then, last week, he tells me that he is just scared about his feelings for me and that he hopes we can work it out and that I will take him back. I tell him I will, but it will take a lot of work and if he thinks he can do this again and still be my friend (which he wanted initially). The next day he calls me, comes over to my house, and says he thought it was what he wanted, but if he got scared again and we couldn't be friends, he didn't want to risk that. So every time we talk now, I'm a mess. I'm a mess all the time. We decided not to talk until next week, and I would call him. I want to be ok. I want to be able to actually be his friend and not be a mess. How do I do this? Everyone says keep busy and don't think about it, but I hope somebody else realizes it's easier said than done. If I do call him next week, am I just asking for it? I really do want to be his friend, b/c despite the problems in our relationship, he actually is a good person, and I don't think losing him from my life is a good thing. I'm actually so afraid of losing him. Maybe a guy can answer this: I'm afraid he's going to forget about me in this time. Or that he is going to decide not talking to me is much better. He was the one who said he did want to be friends, and knowing the kind of guy he is and the fact that he has put up with all of this, I think he is being honest with me. We still love each other. What the hell am i supposed to make of all of this? How do I let him know I care, even though I'm not calling? How do I make sure that I really can be friends with him, and just friends?? I do honestly want to be just friends, and to do that I have to get over our relationship. But how do I do that? What do I do?? THANKS
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 1:43pm

slt5b...

Pianoguy would like to toss out 'an honest male opinion!' Hopefully, you can handle it?

If a man can break up with you once (for whatever reason)...he can either move forward in someone else's direction....or reunite with you ONLY TO BREAKUP A 2ND or 3RD TIME!

Most of us either have feelings for a woman...or we don't? There could be a multitude of reasons for our indecision. But remember...the moment we make a verbal commitment TO ANY WOMAN...SHE'LL NEVER LET US FORGET IT!

And if the time arrives when "we want to break things off"---the resulting scene will be: NOTHING SHORT OF UGLY!

If you wait around indefinitely for someone...you'll end up wasting a lot of time! So why not take a 30-day break (WITH NO COMMUNICATION) and see if there are changes? It's amazing how badly a man can miss a woman when she's suddenly "no longer in the picture!"

BE STRONG and SECURE within yourself. Whether you're of any value to this man or not isn't the issue! You are a valuable lady to someone out there! Perhaps you just need a few more ivillagers to reinforce this???

So PLEASE accept a few hugs from a total stranger!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 3:40pm
I am just afraid that he is going to forget about me in the time we don't talk. I do want to be friends, in time,and I know that requires some kind of break.Is he thinking about me? Does he even care if we talk? I thought so but he isn't calling me ... I toldhim I'd call him next week, so is hejust taking it at that? I really believe he does want to be friends b/c he is not the type of guy to say something he doesn't mean. Part of the reason I keep talking to him and calling when I'm upset (although not for 2 days which is a looooot for me) is b/c I want him to realize I'm there. I'm not sure I do want to get back with him, but I do want him to see what he is missing. with the things in his life right now, I know, and he told me so, that I was one of the only "good" things in his life. So I guess I'm just wondering, is he going to realize that and at least want to be friends still or do you think that he will think it's the happiest time of his life b/c i'm not in it anymore? thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 4:13pm

Hi slt5b -


::I am just afraid that he is going to forget about me in the time we don't talk.


While it's normal to feel this way, it's not true.