Thx

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2013
Thx
9
Fri, 02-08-2013 - 10:31pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2013
In reply to: AerynMD
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 1:06am

Well, I don't know how much I can help you, but I can definitely talk to you. Let me start by saying I know how bad it hurts to love so much and not feel loved back. Your feelings are valid and no one can take that away from you.
I have always thought that long distance relationships usually stem from insecurity. I know I have been there in the past, although nothing as serious as yours. However, judging by what you say your level of insecurity seems pretty high. You admit it yourself. I think long distance relationships make it worse, because you never see the person or know exactly what you're doing. You need to find a way to get past that feeling of always wanting or needing to know what your partner is doing. Maybe try and be alone for a while and work on yourself. Try to find someone near you and build a slow relationship based on trust, when you are ready, of course.
It isn't easy, especially if you feel like he is all you have. But honestly it doen't sound like it's just you. You didn't state your ages, but just by what you say it sounds like you are both really young. I'm thinking barely 20's at the most. If not then you are both immature. It doesn't seem like you guys really built a relationship (which is hard to impossible long distance by the way) but rather you were very infatuated with each other.
I think it would be best to let things go. Do not call him or text him even to wish him merry christmas. You will only further hurt yourself when you start talking to each other again. It sounds rough, but it's the best way to get over someone, and it sounds like that's what you need.
You sound like a great person that is probably young and just needs a little time to grow emotionally and figure out what you really want your partner to be like. Then all you have to do is look for that. Most girls go through that. I've seen it first hand. It's a normal part of life. You're still maturing. Good luck to you.

EDIT: Actually, it sounds like you may be older from the descriptions of your professions. When I say "immature" I don't mean it as a put down, but just emotionally immature, at least. It's not a bad thing, but it sounds like it's the case for both of you.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: AerynMD
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 2:11pm

  It's called timing.  This happens in life.  Focus on your residency.  This is not the time to get upset about some guy.  Now you in your mind have this romantic image that never really existed.  You are torn between the dream and the reality.  His occupation will always mean he will be around women.  Until you can get confident in yourself this will be a disaster.  It takes a very special hardness to handle the entertainment industry.   Now deal with the residency.  Everything else can wait. 

Goldfish

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2013
In reply to: AerynMD
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 10:17pm
Thanks for both of your comments!! @Soule187 I understand what you meant on immature...I agree with that. As for ages he is 31 and I'm 29. @Xxxs It wasn't at all just a romantic image, was a real relationship where we spent time together like any other bf/gf until the last 4 months. Wasn't a fling. At all. I do understand what you're saying, sometimes choosing work isn't what you WANT to do.... Thanks for the reply!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: AerynMD
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 10:43pm

I think a lot of it is mentally deciding that this relationship is not good for you & you are done--and a lot of that is self respect too.  You know that you're too insecure to date a guy who is gone/in the entertainment industry so at least you are self aware in that respect.  The good part is that you have a job right now that's very demanding--I can't imagine that you have that much free time where you're not wanting to sleep--so you have to figure out what you are going to do in your spare time to take your mind off him.  Start off by deleting your twitter & instagram profiles yourself if you have to, just so you're not tempted.  In fact, try not to even go on the computer if you don't have to--just try to find something else to do.  Try to reach out to friends so you have some support.  You will get over it but it's hard at the beginning.  And just think about how dumb this guy is where he is hanging around w/ some stripper and who knows what kind of groupies where you are going to be a doctor!  Believe me, I don't pick my friends by their profession & I am generally not snobby but sometimes it does feel good when someone is being kidn of a jerk when they ask me what I do for work & I can say that I'm a laywer.  lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2013
In reply to: AerynMD
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 10:56pm
Thank you thank you @Mudiclover12 That was my question I was trying to ask...HOW do I stay off of Twitter/Instagram? Yes, I admit all my flaws-I acknowledge that it's probably me..I know me and am the first to admit to my flaws! I deleted both Twitter and Instagram from my phone 2 days ago....it's just KILLING me to look! How do I do this? PS Not s snob about my job or think I'm better than strippers...I am broke eating leftover salads in the break room while they're probably eating lobster. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2013
In reply to: AerynMD
Sat, 02-09-2013 - 11:09pm
This is killing me!!!! When does it ever stop hurting THIS much??!? I'm not on call til 6am Eastern so I have nothing to fill this time...Everything hurts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: musiclover12
Sun, 02-10-2013 - 7:37pm

Look up some behavior modification techniques--it's breaking a habit, really, like any other habit.  You have to distract yourself w/ other things and then say well, for the next hour I will not look at twitter--soon it becomes a day and then eventually you won't even be tempted to do it because you'll start feeling better.  It's not exactly the same thing but I was into online dating for a while--when I first started I would really spend a long time reading profiles, sending people emails, etc. and getting really disappointed when the guys I thought were good didn't contact me and it got to be an emtional rollercoaster--a lot of wasted time too.  Finally I just decided that why should I pay money (even though it was only about $25 a month) to torture myself this way and I dropped my membership--they keep emailing me offering discounts, etc. and yet I really have no desire to go back--it's not tempting at all.  So I think that you just have to make a decision that this relationship was not meeting your needs and it's better for you not to be involved in that--you will really start feeling much better sooner than you can imagine.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
In reply to: AerynMD
Sun, 02-10-2013 - 8:10pm

AerynMD wrote:
<p><strong>I don't even know how to start or what to say, I just need someone....anyone to help/talk to me!!!</strong></p><p><strong>backstory: Been in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. He is in the Entertainment industry and since the day I met him I told him I could never date anyone from that world b/c I KNOW I am not secure enough to date someone from that industry. .....Talking everyday turned into being best friends....which led to falling completely head over heels for both of us. And even then I said, I'm too jealous/insecure, I can't do this. Blah blah...he ended up getting some work on my coast at about the same time as I temporarily moved home to help my Mom who was diagnosed with Stage 4 blood cancer out of nowhere. (I am a Medical Resident btw)....I spent Oct-Dec caring for my Mom until she passed before Christmas (my Dad died just 6 yrs ago)....and for the most part he was great..w first of Dec we got in a fight and I told him to f*ck off....and he did...even when my cousin texted him to say it was the end...nothing. I buried my Mom and the first contact I had with him was from me telling him Merry Christmas...where he told me he still loved me but "I told him to eff off so he was)..no more contact until he texted me Happy New Year... a few days later he said "I need to decide what I want...which I didn't know...still in shock/grief... So a couple of weeks ago he started flirting with a girl on Instagram and it killed me, so I texted him telling him 'Im still here....I still love you"...and so about a week ago he said, "If you want me come and claim me, I'm yours but you have want to come to me"...I kinda ignored it and we texted every few days....</strong></p><p><strong>Issue: He travels all over the country for his job (in Entertainment) and he started following this skank stripper he met at his show.....and then he made it known she was with him last night by posting flirty bullshit on Instagram. THAT was it for me. Completely! I deleted my Twitter and my Instagram and cried all night b/c I knew he was hanging out flirting and god knows what with her....I decided to do the No Contact thing and allllll day killed me not looking at Twitter and Instagram...and then an hour ago he texts me "I hope all is well with you, just wanted to say hi".....</strong></p><p><strong>my question that's killing me: HOW do I stay off Twitter/Instagram where I see things that upset me/other girls? It's sooooo hard!!!!! How do I do it? </strong></p><p><strong><br /></strong></p><p><strong>Yes, I am the one that ended things b/c I couldn't rush out to see him/spend time with him b/c of my Mom passing away before Christmas/I'm in my Residency which I can't even explain how hard is...</strong></p><p>I know ya'll are gonna say its me, I just want to know how ya'll stay of Twitted/Instagram where seeing/knowing anything hurts SO much!!!!! And YES, I would love nothing more than to say screw it all and run out to him in LA!!!!! But realistically I just can't....and I still resent him for not being there at all when my Mom passed. </p><p>Please help me....even get through tonight.</p>

Basically, I do it by doing it and not thinking or talking about it. I recognize what will cause me pain and that I love myself too much to be a party to bringing more pain into my life.  And that extends to lashing out verbally at someone you care deeply about because you now see where that behavior will get you.  If you don't want someone to eff off, then don't use that language because 9 times out of 10, they will do exactly that and will carry on with their lives without you.

Unfollow and block him on both sites. Those sites do have those features. That should end you getting updates from him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2012
In reply to: AerynMD
Sun, 02-10-2013 - 9:26pm

In addition to what everyone else is saying you should also think of what it would do for you.  If you check instagram.... what will happen?  If you see he is with someone else how will that help you??? If he isn't talkin to her any more.... how will that help you?  It won't.   There is no scenario in which checking these things will help YOU.  Be selfish right now - do what is best for you.  I know you told him to leave you alone after your fight in December and he did.... but he should have known that you love him and that you needed him to be there in the wings... you were under a huge amount of stress and the right man would know how to handle that.  You said yourself that this relationship was doomed fom he get-go because of your insecurities - you are owning your flaws and now you can improve on them just for yourself.  I'm sorry.... I don't care if you told him to go away.... he should have at a minimum sent his conolences when your mother passed... even if it was truly over and you did not want to hear from him - you were in each other's lives for a year and he knew what you were going through.  It is a matter of respect and showing that he has some empahy for your loss. 

At the end of the day do what is best for you. I can't think of a scenar where checking those things is in your best interest.  Be selfish - heal... you have been through so much in such a short time you owe it to yourself to put yourself first and heal and find your center again.