Tired
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 03-08-2013 - 1:12pm |
Hello,
I really don't know where to start but I'll try. I have a learning disability and I suffer from anxiety. Have all my life. I was my Mom's best friend and did everything with her and lived with her until she died. I was really messed up and lonely so I started surfing dating sites to find a guy. Long story short, in 2008 I found one. To make a long story short. This guy was not a citizen and only wanted a green card. I got pregnant by him about a month after we met and we married about four months after. I know I'm stupid guys and I've beat myself up. I was not thinking right after my mom died. He was sweet while we dated but soon after marriage got cold. It hurt me because I spend so much money going through the whole immigration process for him. I took him in when he had nothing. Even if you are using someone, why be so cold. Anyway, fast forward to today. It's gotten worse. He's a great father to our daughter and loves her dearly but he treats me so mean. I tried asking him why but he won't talk to me. He stopped having sex with me two years ago and stays out all night so I know hes cheating. My four year old daughter even asks why do you treat mommy so mean. It hurts me when she says this. I've been suicidal over this many times. I feel unwanted, and unloved. I have problems getting around because of my learning disability and can't drive at night. I've never lived alone and scared to leave him but I know I should. It torments me because I talk to him but he ignores me but he chats all the time when he's not working with women online. I try to hug him but he pushes me away. I ask him for sex but he tells me to go find it outside. This hurts so bad. I just don't know what to do. It's like he is here but he ignores me. He sleeps on the couch, does not eat my food, does nothing with me. I feel no man will ever want me if I leave him because of how I am. I've just always been a little slower and different. I'm a bit scared to be alone. If anyone has any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it. I just feel at times I don't want to live anymore. What is the point? I can't even hold a job because of my learning disability. Just don't know what to do.
- Break off amazing relationship because of his Meth past?
- Why do i feel so guilty??? 6
- How to end the post-break-up sting??- Advice needed 4
- How much do you sacrifice? 9
- After 8 years, is it over? 3
- Is it time to break up? 3
- Still Unfinished Business After a Year and a Half 3
- The feeling isn't mutual. Is our friendship over? :( 4
- How do I move on from a terrible situation? 3
- I broke it off, but now having second thoughts.... 3
Memeber Support
| Q: | Where can I change my password? |
| A: | Log in, go to Edit My Preferences, and click the Account tab. Make and save your changes. |
I think the first thing you should do is consult a lawyer to see what your rights would be if you got a divorce. I assume you get some kind of disability from Social Security? You said he works, so he will have to pay child support. I would think that living alone would be preferable to living with someone who treats you badly. Is your LD severe? Could you get some services to help you get an easy job? The reason I say this is that sometimes it's not good to be very protected. My friend's older brother has bipolar disorder and he was basically convinced by his mother (he lived with her up to when he was in his 50's and then she had to go to a nursing home) that he couldn't work and couldn't do anything by himself, so he's on disability. Now my friend & the other brothers are kind of pushing him to be more independent--he has his own place and can certainly function. so maybe you can do more than you think you can. I don't mean to be presumptuous cause maybe your disability is severe, but maybe someone could help you if you could get therapy or help with some things too.
DJ: I'm sorry you're so unhappy, but there is nothing anyone can do for you. You have to do it for yourself. First, he married you because he wanted a green card, not because he loved you. So he married you under false pretenses. It's even possible to get the marriage annulled and have him deported. But without going that far, you have to think of the most important person in your life, your daugher. Suicide is NOT the answer. You have to live for her, and you have to set a good example for her, and allowing her to see you being mistreated is NOT a good example for her. She will grow up thinking that it's okay for a man to mistreat a woman, and she will allow men to mistreat HER. Musiclover gave you good advice. Get a lawyer, and then stop relying on your disability as an excuse. If you can post on a computer, then there are many jobs you can do, and you need to investigate that. Your most important duty is to get your daughter away from this man, and start living your life, for her, if not for yourself. You grew up with your mother, how would you have felt if SHE committed suicide. You would have felt that she deserted you, and you cannot desert your daughter that way. Life is good, but you have to work to make it good. Only you can change your life. Please get some help for yourself, a lawyer and a counselor to help you make a good life for you and your daughter.
Thank you so much everyone for your support and advice. It has really helped me. I read the responses awhile ago but could not get myself together enough to respond until now. He is going to leave and has admitted he does not love me which I knew in the back of my mind and was only staying for our child. He has told me I do nothing and am a bad example to my daughter. He says I'm a good kind person but I don't do much and he says my cooking is not good and he says this is why he does not want to be together. It's funny because everyone who tastes my cooking loves it. It hurt me really bad when he said I was not a good example to my daughter. I am the who who plays with her, sits up with her when shes sick, takes her to her appointments, reads with her, teaches her. I got really down on myself when he said that and my self esteem took a dive but I'm working on it. I'm kind of depressed but I guess that's normal. Trying to prepare for a life by myself and it's not easy but I think I can do it. I just wish I could make the hurt and pain go away but I know it takes time. I'm a little afraid to be alone but I know I'm not the first and last woman to be alone. Thank you again everyone. I appreciate all of your responses.
Good luck and keep posting if you need some more support and pep talks. Hey, if your cooking wasn't good, he could cook instead. that's a pretty lame excuse. But you already know that.