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|Fri, 03-08-2013 - 1:12pm|
I really don't know where to start but I'll try. I have a learning disability and I suffer from anxiety. Have all my life. I was my Mom's best friend and did everything with her and lived with her until she died. I was really messed up and lonely so I started surfing dating sites to find a guy. Long story short, in 2008 I found one. To make a long story short. This guy was not a citizen and only wanted a green card. I got pregnant by him about a month after we met and we married about four months after. I know I'm stupid guys and I've beat myself up. I was not thinking right after my mom died. He was sweet while we dated but soon after marriage got cold. It hurt me because I spend so much money going through the whole immigration process for him. I took him in when he had nothing. Even if you are using someone, why be so cold. Anyway, fast forward to today. It's gotten worse. He's a great father to our daughter and loves her dearly but he treats me so mean. I tried asking him why but he won't talk to me. He stopped having sex with me two years ago and stays out all night so I know hes cheating. My four year old daughter even asks why do you treat mommy so mean. It hurts me when she says this. I've been suicidal over this many times. I feel unwanted, and unloved. I have problems getting around because of my learning disability and can't drive at night. I've never lived alone and scared to leave him but I know I should. It torments me because I talk to him but he ignores me but he chats all the time when he's not working with women online. I try to hug him but he pushes me away. I ask him for sex but he tells me to go find it outside. This hurts so bad. I just don't know what to do. It's like he is here but he ignores me. He sleeps on the couch, does not eat my food, does nothing with me. I feel no man will ever want me if I leave him because of how I am. I've just always been a little slower and different. I'm a bit scared to be alone. If anyone has any advice for me I would greatly appreciate it. I just feel at times I don't want to live anymore. What is the point? I can't even hold a job because of my learning disability. Just don't know what to do.