tired of commitment phobics

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
tired of commitment phobics
2
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 9:00pm

Hi everyone! I am sure many of you have experienced the man that can not commit. Hopefully, you did not take him back over and over like I did, but I am finding that there are many of us that do. To make my long (2 years) story short we broke up for 6 weeks and got back together, then he started internet dating behind my back and break-up number two happened. He came back telling me he loved me, etc... and I took him back. Finally I confronted him on a commitment and he said he could not commit and that was number three. He showed up early one morning with the I miss you, I love you story and I took him back and he did not call for a week afterwards, break-up 4!! Yes I am this dumb!!! This man showed up at my house two weeks later, spent the night and we talked about our future. He kissed me and left for work and said he would call me later. He called me 6 hours later to let me know he just couldn't do it!What a jerk he is!! And how pathetic am I????

Well, he is calling again. He hasn't asked about getting back together, just wants to check on me and my kids. Brought my girls doughnuts one morning and hung out for a couple of hours. He confessed during one of our calls after the visit that he had to leave because I was so beautiful, he couldn't take it. Is that not sick!!?? Oh. and the worst part of all is that I am actually glad to hear from him when he calls.

I know this will never be and I know that I have to get over it. I am working really hard on that one. Girls, why do we put up with it? Why do these men seem to have control and how did we let them get control? And when will it stop? I would love to hear your thoughts on this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 10:09pm

I am afraid that I'm with someone like that. He's broken up with me twice in a year, because of fear. He has never cheated on me, or disrespected me in any way...besides leading me on and running when it gets "to real". We are trying one more time. I know this, because if he can't behave like a man, then I don't want to waste my time. Why do I want to be with someone who is so spineless he doesn't know what he wants? Blech. I don't have time for that.

Have you thought about getting counseling for yourself? I am not saying that to be critical, but I have considered it myself. Just to better understand myself, and also to hopefully confirm that I am not doing anything to encourage this type of unhealthy behavior.

Do you think the cycle seems similar to an addiction?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 6:08am

Yes, I have thought about counseling and it probably would be a good idea, but I am starting to realize that this is not healthy and I do not need to put up with it. My best friend stayed in a similar relationship for 10 years! Talking to her has been very healing. She made a comment that she is so much happier alone than dealing with being in this type of relationship and never feeling good enough! I am starting to understand that it isn't my problem- it is his and maybe he isn't good enough for me!

I do know that we are not alone- there are so many smart, beautiful woman putting up with this and suffering over some dumb man that doesn't deserve it. Maybe it is addictive behavior, I do not know. All I know for sure is that I deserve better- and so do you!!!