tired of seeing a married man
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| Wed, 04-20-2005 - 1:39pm |
This time last year, I was hurt because my relationship with a (single) man I loved had ended. He didn't want me and cut me out of his life.
A year ago, I met a married man who was having marriage problems. I'm 35 yrs old & he's 50 yrs old. He's been married close to 30 yrs. He said even though they're living together the marriage was over. He was sure that they would break-up in the near furture.
There was a strong attraction between us and we became intimate friends fast.
I wasn't ready for a serious relationship with anyone, (I was not over my ex. So, I accepted the fact he was married. We spoke on the phone everyday and had sex twice a month. He asked me not to see or sleep with anyone else.
A year has past and I have accepted the fact that my ex is not coming back. I'm at peace and I have a new outlook on life. I have dreams and goals for my life. One dream is to remarry one day. I want someone special in my life.
My affair with the married man is still a secret. He sneaks away from home twice a month for a few hours to have sex with me. He's still with his wife and continues to tell me the marriage is over and legal papers will be filed any day now.
Today, I told him that I can't continue to see a married man. I don't feel good about it anymore. If he loves his wife he should respect her and make the relationship work. I wish him well. But, I'm ready to meet/date single men. I told him the time has come to end our affair.
He wants to meet me face to face to talk and he mentioned the need to make love to me. He wants to explain things to me. Like things are not good at home, the marriage is over, papers are to be filed soon. If only I could be patient and give him time. Yada, yada, yada.
I'm not going to put my life on hold waiting for him. He may or may not get divorced. Am I suppose to wait and see?
He was hosptilized a month ago, I felt horrible because I couldn't visit. His wife is not religious but I saw her at my church praying for him while he was in the hosptial. She had a beautiful ring on her wedding finger. I felt like a complete a$$. Is this guy playing games, like want his cake and eat it to?

I'm sorry you fell for a married man. It is a sad situation all around for everybody. He is getting his cake and eating it too. After a year, he's not going anywhere. As I read, it sounded just like my best friends situation. He would sneak away and they would have sex. I let them even use my house so the wife wouldn't find out. My loyalty was to my best friend and she loved him so much. They talked about the future, and getting married and blah blah, how is marraige was over and he was living in another part of the house. Well fast forward to after a year and a half of empty promises, the wife found out. And it wasn't the case at all. He didn't stand up for their *said* relationship, he blamed her and told his wife that she was stalking him! Just to save his a$$, she actually agreed and was left with a broken heart. That slime ball had the nerve to keep calling even after that. She was hurt for a long time, even while they were talking that entire year actually, she was never completely happy, living on a dream that was never to come true. And 2 months later she met a man who swept her off her feet, spends everyday with her and is taking her on a cruise in June. She finally got rid of the dysfunctional relationship and was open to a real life love, who was single and availible. I've never seen her happier!
I hope you are able to walk away and realize this is going nowhere. It's a waste, its draining, and its hurtful to the loved ones who don't know whats going on. You deserve better than what he's offering. Don't let him hold you back from finding true love! Hugs and it might not hurt to spend sometime alone for awhile, to regroup from jumping from heartbreak to something completely unavailible. You should heal and find out who you are, become happy with the beautiful you, then you will be open to meet someone to share yourself with completely, and never be a *secret*.
Is he playing games? Of course!
Does he want his cake and eat it too? Absolutely.
While I don't think it was wise of you to get involved with him in the first place, you're definitely on the right track by ending it. Sticking around and waiting to see if he'll actually leave his wife -- definitely NOT a good idea. By cheating on his wife with you, he's showing that his values are warped and that in his book it's okay to be married and cheat.
Is this the kind of man you want to marry and settle down with? Unfortunately, your "relationship" with him was built on lies and deceit, so it's on shaky ground at best. Even if he left his wife for you, you'd still be stuck with a dud of a prize. And I'm sure in due time, he'd be tip-toeing and sneaking off to get busy with someone else.
Forget the dud and go find yourself an **available** winner.