today is his b-day! help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
today is his b-day! help!
5
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:01am
I've been doing so well with the nc! I haven't called in a week (and haven't talked to him since the middle of June). But today is his birthday and I sooooo want to call. I feel like I've made so much progress, but sitting here today- I know that's all I'm going to think about and that's all I'll want to do!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:20am
Don't do it! Don't break your progress. Just keep yourself as busy as you can. Also, this is something I always do. When I feel like calling, I play out in my head what could happen. Of course I would hope he'd say something like "I miss you, I love you, I want you back, etc.." But he could also mention that he met someone else...or worse....she answers the phone. So I go with the worse case scenario and I imagine me calling and another girl answers the phone or I find out information that is going to hurt me. So what have I gained? I am now potentially humiliated, hurt, mortified, and back to square one. That's what no contact is all about. You don't want to talk to him and find out what is going on in his life....it will only set you back and prevent you from moving on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:23am
well said, abcd2girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2005
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 10:33am

I faced this problem 2 weeks ago. It was my guy's birthday, and I was SO tempted to email him a quick Happy Birthday email. What can it hurt right? ALOT. I did not email him, thanks to our CL Sandra. I emailed her, and she QUICKLY told me not to. If you call him and he doesn't answer the phone, how are you gonna feel? Or, if you call and he DOES answer, but sounds fine, how are you gonna feel?

I know this is hard, believe me. I fought it with everything I had to not email him, and I am SO glad that I did not email him. Big Hugs...

Shelly/20 for only 4 more days/TX

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 1:48pm
I agree! I need to remember this the next time I want to break NC.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Mon, 07-10-2006 - 2:09pm
Thank you for this post; it really is helping. I know he has moved on. You're right- why do I have to wallow in it? I mean if he were really upset, he would call me. I have to try to say to myself, 'He has moved on. Why do I need to prove it to myself over and over?' You're right- it would just be painful and I'd be asking for the hurt. I also think it would be helpful to think that I am strong enough so that I don't deserve to hurt myself emotionally. And calling him, that's just what that would do. Thanks again! I'll try to keep busy!