told him no contact AGAIN

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
told him no contact AGAIN
1
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 8:49pm
It has been two weeks since my now ex called and tore my entire world into pieces. He is not ready for a relationship, to scared etc. I think that is &*(&*)&& but decided not to fight for someone that obviously dosn't love me the way he had claimed. Last Sunday I put "no contact" into place, against my gut instinct mind you - but I did it. But he hasn't held to that. He still calls 2 - 3 times a day. This morning he called at 5am all in conflict about work and a personal issue of mine that he has taken upon himself to try & solve. I downplayed it & told him not to worry about it. He said "maybe we should get back together so you can sort this out". Which makes no sense - but nothing he said really did. Anyways, after a 2 hour conversation I got in the car & drove there to settle this "once & for all". He is very sick right now - bad flu/cold, and yet was still coming at me with the "I still love you" etc. etc. When I got there he was being really "sucky" & I made the big mistake that I promised not to make again - once again. Yes I slept with him. Bad bad decission. This afternoon I was leaving & told him we needed to talk about everything he said. He was so sick at this point that he could barely stand up - but I told him fine - I'll talk & you listen. So I told him I am not going to be a doormat in this situation. Told him that he had to decide weither or not I am worth taking the risk & battling his fears for. If not then I told him he needed to be clear about it & I will walk away - no contact at all. If he wants to try & work through this then he had to do it in a way we are both comfortable with. I gave a big speech & he said nothing at all. When I was done he just went & passed out on the couch. I know he heard everything I said & I was clear about basically giving him an ultimatum, which is not something I would normally do. But then I left, and actually felt pretty good about it for about an hour, then I started to freak out & miss him like crazy. I wanted to drive back there & just be with him - I felt desperate for him. Reasoned myself into thinking that I would take whatever he would give me at this point - I just can't live without him. Well circumstances being what they were me going back there wasn't possible so at least I held my dignity. What happens next - I don't know. He said this morning that I broke up with him - but really I was just setting bondaries that he couldn't deal with. So now I have to wait & hear what he says. I told him to think about it & that I don't want to discuss it again over the phone or with the kids around. My gut tells me he is "the one", but my head is telling me to be strong & follow the "if you love someone let them free, and if they don't come back they were never yours to begin with philosophy". He is beyond stressed about work, not seeing his kids much etc. and has a lot of "demons" to battle. But if he walks away then I will have to find a way to block his e-mails & just not answer my phone (I don't have call display). I am longing for him desperatly. I would marry this guy tomorrow if I could. But he just can't seem to be consistent about things. It is driving me crazy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 1:21am

::I would marry this guy tomorrow if I could. But he just can't seem to be consistent about things

Getting married would not change the inconsistencies. Make a list of reasons to stay and a list of reasons to go. Let all calls go to voice mail if need be. You will have to decide what you want and be the one to set boundaries. Good luck to you.


Carrie