Torn.......
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Torn.......
| Tue, 11-28-2006 - 1:34am |
Hello, i am new to this board, but not Ivillage. I have had such great experience with other boards, and well, hopefully this one will be the same for me as well! Well, im 20years old, and the now EX is 22 almost 23. We dated for almost 2 years and just a couple weeks ago i ended it.
In a nutshell....we had the BEST relationship ever, i couldn't even begin to describe what a great couple we were, we connected on every level plus more, we WERE the couple all of our friends ENVIED, we had the relationship everyone we knew WANTED. sooo....then u may wonder....well why'd she end it then?! Let me tell you, not ONE ounce of me WANTED to at ALL,it was all out of feeling like i HAD to. Basically aside from our PERFECT connection and great relationship and bond with eachother....HIS own life pretty much sucked. Before me, he'd gotten in to some trouble....and had just gotten himself stuck in a huge black hole. Has some past warrants that are years old that need to be taken care of, suspended license, in debt with many many places, and not to mention, he has now been unemployed for the last year. Dont get me wrong, his past was pretty bad, but he is a terrific person now....however he has no motivation to FIX all the problems of the past that will continue to follow him.
I just hated feeling like, god i love this guy i would marry him in a heart beat....but as far as HIS own life goes....he is so irresponsible....cant hold a job...and just runs away from his problems!!! I in NO way would ever marry anyone like that. Now like i said im 20years old, in my 3rd year of college and have never NOT had a job so im sure u can all understand why it frustrated me. Well me n him both knew all along that we'd HAVE to end eventually if he didnt clean up his life...cause there'd be no way i could even slightly imagine a future with him like that.
So....i finally ended it. it was super hard for the first couple days....but i went through the greiving process...and im now ok. We went the last 2 weeks without seeing eachother nor a phone call. Oh before i forget i need to mention he up and decided he has no life now where he's at so hes going to leave for alaska in a couple weeks to start a new life and hopefully fix his old one....and one day "come back" for me when he's got his life in order. haha anyways, now we have started seeing eachother again. We both know we are still broken up and will remain that way, but like i said i didnt want to leave him at all and i still love him.
So....we both kinda figured well, Hes leaving for Alaska (already has the plane ticket) We might as well enjoy eachothers company until then. Which id love to cause we both really miss eachother...but i know its only gonna make it even harder when he DOES leave. And now that we've been hanging out again, i get that jealous girlfriend feeling again like "i wander where hes at or what hes doing or who hes with" and i DONT want that feeling. i keep telling him AND myself...it doesnt matter, we are not together, we are single now, therefore we are both allowed to go wherever, and see whoever we want!!! I just dont know how to deal with seeing him....but keeping that mentality.....we are still broken up and will remain that way....but it seems like such a fine line between being broken up and being together still....i dont know what to do.....im not even sure what im trynig to ask the board!!! haha i think i just needed to spew all this out. Maybe if someone actually reads this whole long thing, then ill know by tomorrow what it is that im realy trying to figure out! :) sorry SO long! thank you to whoever reads!
In a nutshell....we had the BEST relationship ever, i couldn't even begin to describe what a great couple we were, we connected on every level plus more, we WERE the couple all of our friends ENVIED, we had the relationship everyone we knew WANTED. sooo....then u may wonder....well why'd she end it then?! Let me tell you, not ONE ounce of me WANTED to at ALL,it was all out of feeling like i HAD to. Basically aside from our PERFECT connection and great relationship and bond with eachother....HIS own life pretty much sucked. Before me, he'd gotten in to some trouble....and had just gotten himself stuck in a huge black hole. Has some past warrants that are years old that need to be taken care of, suspended license, in debt with many many places, and not to mention, he has now been unemployed for the last year. Dont get me wrong, his past was pretty bad, but he is a terrific person now....however he has no motivation to FIX all the problems of the past that will continue to follow him.
I just hated feeling like, god i love this guy i would marry him in a heart beat....but as far as HIS own life goes....he is so irresponsible....cant hold a job...and just runs away from his problems!!! I in NO way would ever marry anyone like that. Now like i said im 20years old, in my 3rd year of college and have never NOT had a job so im sure u can all understand why it frustrated me. Well me n him both knew all along that we'd HAVE to end eventually if he didnt clean up his life...cause there'd be no way i could even slightly imagine a future with him like that.
So....i finally ended it. it was super hard for the first couple days....but i went through the greiving process...and im now ok. We went the last 2 weeks without seeing eachother nor a phone call. Oh before i forget i need to mention he up and decided he has no life now where he's at so hes going to leave for alaska in a couple weeks to start a new life and hopefully fix his old one....and one day "come back" for me when he's got his life in order. haha anyways, now we have started seeing eachother again. We both know we are still broken up and will remain that way, but like i said i didnt want to leave him at all and i still love him.
So....we both kinda figured well, Hes leaving for Alaska (already has the plane ticket) We might as well enjoy eachothers company until then. Which id love to cause we both really miss eachother...but i know its only gonna make it even harder when he DOES leave. And now that we've been hanging out again, i get that jealous girlfriend feeling again like "i wander where hes at or what hes doing or who hes with" and i DONT want that feeling. i keep telling him AND myself...it doesnt matter, we are not together, we are single now, therefore we are both allowed to go wherever, and see whoever we want!!! I just dont know how to deal with seeing him....but keeping that mentality.....we are still broken up and will remain that way....but it seems like such a fine line between being broken up and being together still....i dont know what to do.....im not even sure what im trynig to ask the board!!! haha i think i just needed to spew all this out. Maybe if someone actually reads this whole long thing, then ill know by tomorrow what it is that im realy trying to figure out! :) sorry SO long! thank you to whoever reads!

So you are now kind of 'friends with benefits' but you feel more emotionally attached to him, hence the jealous feelings coming up?
It's hard to be 'just friends' (even with benefits) when you really want more.
Hopefully someone will give you some good advice.
Carrie