Totally Lost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Totally Lost.
3
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 7:02am

Sorry if I come across as just feeling sorry for myself but I'm feeling as if I'm at a dead end now and don't know what to do anymore.

I'm 20 and have just come out of a 5 year relationship. He was my first real boyfriend and I felt, and still feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have met such a great guy so early in my life. We have been best friends as well as boyfriend and girlfriend for this time and I have never in my life, with anyone (friends and family included), felt the same connection with one person and doubt I will again. He treated me like a princess.

Things started to go wrong when we lived together and he got a new job, he changed into someone much more selfish and immature in a way trying to keep up with laddy workmates. Even so, things were still pretty amazing. Out of the blue last October he came home and said he had feelings for a workmate, and ended it. I was crushed but we got back together a week or so later. I found out since that he kissed her, several times, when I thought we were happy. He said this was because I am too immature, insecure and so on, and she has what I was lacking. I'm not sure if this is true, since we were still very happy then and I don't think I was like that. Since then my self esteem has plummeted really and I found myself asking him for reassurance every day we were together - if things were ok, if he still wanted to be with my forever. For the last year we spent together, he treated me really badly, very disrespectfully. Eventually after several breaks and near break ups he has ended it saying he's not happy anymore and thinks we've gone too far to rectify things.

I do not miss the last year, it has been full of heartbreak for me but I find myself pining for the years before when we had this amazing, perfect relationship. I feel like my old, confident self again now with a bit of space and have since met him to get our stuff back. We talked and said when we're happy single, and have got back to being who we were before we think we could be really happy together. We still love each other a lot. For the last week, we have been talking alot and discussed dating again slowly to rebuild things. I have began to feel happy again and think about being with him until last night. I talked to him and out of the blue he said I was getting the wrong idea about things and said he broke up with me for a reason - he didnt want to be with me and still doesnt. He needs a lot of space but maybe when he's ready to date again it will be with me. He's been really awful about it all, I have not imagined the conversations we had last week, he was very forward with me but now says this is because he's been having ups and downs. He has now said he wants no contact with me.

Maybe I'm young and inexperienced but I don't understand how this has happened at all. We've been getting closer and closer again and things have looked good, now all of a sudden he wants nothing to do with me? Can anyone shed any light on this please because I am in such a mess right now :(

xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: lorahaynes
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 9:39am

lorahaynes..

Pianoguy isn't surprised why you feel 'more than a little messed up' right now! You've spent more than 1/4 of your life living with a man!

Don't you think you should experience a little time on your own...and perhaps get to know a few other males?

You might be the sweetest person in the world...but you haven't had any opportunity to ENJOY LIFE ON YOUR OWN! Give yourself the chance...PLEASE??

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: lorahaynes
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:16pm

Hi lorahaynes and welcome to the board,


The fact that yours has been mostly happy, I'm sure it's even harder to go through this break up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: lorahaynes
Sun, 04-29-2007 - 11:42pm

You're not going to want to hear this, I'm sure, as no one going through a recent heartbreak does, but really, this is good for you. You said you were getting to be low on the self-esteem, he wasnt' treating you well 9 you dont' want to et used tot hat kind of behavior from someone), maybe you were getting a little clingy, etc. (no one ever wants to admit when they are, but you have been, trust me) and now's a great time to find the fabulous chica inside!

Whatever he's going through is whatever he's going through, don't make his drama yours. He wants time away, groovy, fabulous, perfect. More time to devote to you.

You, like everyone else going through a breakup and heartache, have a choice: Wallow in self-pity and stagnate or use this time wisely and set about to making your life be as amazing as you want it to be.

Best,

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